From Rock Bottom to Published Author: Ace's Triumphant Journey

a methodology that we discovered during the process of writing the book which is truth transformation and then testimony and so essentially that truth part is debunking our belief systems and getting in line with who we are in the Lord right and understanding that we're not really up against facts or things on social media we're we're up against belief systems that we grew up with now if we can start to undo those things then we can get into a place of transformation and the whole point of transformation is to realize that the brain is capable to rewire through neuroplasticity and so in the book I discussed different modalities breath work timeline therapy ways to care for your body and also just encouraging the reader that hey this stuff is not linear as you guys know recovery is not linear man we're live there it is what's up welcome back to another episode of rebuilding life after addiction man it's good to be here again with a good friend good brother in Christ a man that man he just wrote a book and it's so awesome to see where God has taken this individual from just the last conversation that we've had he celebrated a year of sobriety many of you guys may know who he is but I'm just going to allow my brother from another mother to introduce himself and give him all the praise all the applauds or whatever you want to call it yeah yeah Ace go ahead and take it away man share a little bit about yourself bro for those that don't know hey thanks for the intro Robert Justin man it's so good to see you guys first off man just I just want to congratulate you first off with go going back and bu with some unfinished business withou Team unfinished business withou Teen Challenge man that's awesome and Robert congratulations bro with what you're doing to help people their financial Futures and just this just amazing it's good to be here my name's Ace I was on this podcast you guys really helped launch launched the book and just really set me on a path so I'm just super grateful yeah so I guess a little bit about me I'm from California currently living in Boise Idaho and I was the respirator I was one of the respiratory therapists assigned to the First Community spread covid patients to the United States and that was in February of 24 I'm sorry February 24th 2020 there you go time went on and I found myself into addiction various substances hard drugs alcohol marijuana and just really spinning out of control on December 18th of 21 I had a failed suicide attempt three days before my brother's wedding just really in a dark place and that's when the Lord really met me and told me that there was more to life than suffering so I chose I decided that day that I was done suffering 7 months later I got into sobriety and by the grace of God I have like a year and close to a year and a half all one day at a time so I'm just grateful to be here guys thank you so much yeah it's so awesome man yeah Robin I we talking about you he shouts you out on the podcast all the time your testimony man your story and that conversation you me Rob and Louise all had together was such a powerful discussion man and on for those that are watching if you get a chance to go back to the YouTube channel and check that out you can definitely catch that full conversation and I'll drop the link in the comments as well but U man your story just the stuff that you've walked through even prior to the experience at the hospital and through covid and everything that you went through during that season man is just so powerful dude and congrats on the book launch like I that's no easy feat man to get through that get it written and put out there man what an awesome thing so I want to ask a little bit because I know the journey and the struggle with PTSD right it inspired the book and not it did that Journey that you walk through and I don't know that we went real deep into that part of the story right last time around I think we talked about some of your backstory before and so do you mind bringing us in a little bit to how that when you started to notice that after your time working in the hospital and how you started to become aware that you were dealing with this PTSD and this trauma that ultimately inspired you to write the book oh yeah absolutely so yeah I think after the the failed suicide attempt it really made me start to be aware of mental health I had been seeing therapists and counselors part of that and self- diagnosing that I was suffering through some post-traumatic stress with everything I was researching and it wasn't until January of 22 that I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress and I think like one big thing about the diagnosis was that like now I have a game plan now I can go into it with all right other people have probably had post-traumatic stress and how do how did they overcome it or how do they you still live a great life with post-traumatic stress and so I dove in on July 30th I got sober of 22 and that was a really fun day because I was sitting at a bar and I sat next to this gentleman who's who I consider one of my brothers he I told him that I was trying to get sober but I was having a tough time and he he had mentioned that he goes to a meeting now I'm sitting here like okay he goes to a meetings cool and I asked him which ones he goes to and he said Tuesdays at 7 p.m. I said oh I do too and he asked where do you go and I said where do you go he's like I go to this one in Eagle Idaho and he asked me who do I know and I said who do and so he said Lance and Lance is my sponsor so I was like oh shoot man I got to tell on myself right so I had to tell on myself that day and that's to me I look back and God just has a sense of humor he met me where I was and no judgment but just a conversation just like ones that we have and just really checking in so yeah from there a few months went by I ended up going to save a warrior which those who don't that aren't familiar with save a warrior it's a suicide prevention program for First Responders and Veterans and also active duty military that suffer with PTSD so going there I learned about an a score it's not my score but I do have a score which is adverse childhood experiences and from that it really opened up my eyes to seeing like why I act out in certain situations that I guess normal people don't and from there learning about complex PTSD which is essentially childhood PTSD I started going on this journey of self-discovery and trying to piece together the puzzle that wasn't handed to me through my family and culturally we don't really talk about trauma we don't talk about what happened but there were some clear signs that we had some stuff go on in our family now little history my grandfather was a World War II prisoner of war in the Philippines against the Japanese and it was quite gruesome what they did to him both my parents were in law enforcement so we escaped the Philippines because my dad was on a hit list from the cartel so then I we get I get stuck or I get brought to the United States and we're we're here right and so combination of like immigrant family trying to figure stuff out my parents losing their careers being homeless at one point just all those things moving so many times it was really was a lot of stuff that went on that I was not aware of that affected who I was later on so yeah after diving in I think it was about three or four months after that I had a brother who said he had a vision for me to tell a story and I said well I'm I'm not a Storyteller not it never written much except for some poems when I was a kid and he inspired me to write a we were going we're doing a bible study on Ecclesiastes at the time and he said well what about we do a we do a topic called stairs and I said what stairs was like essentially let's write some poetry or some short stories about each of the steps each of the 12 steps and so started working on it wrote some poems just had some fun and then a month later another brother Tim Masters he somebody I went to high school with that's out here we went to lunch and he gave me this acronym of PTSD which is pray trust seek and declare and my first impression was like bro that's fire to transform PTSD into that and he's like the lord gave that to me brother and so he also suggested writing a book and two months later a brother found one of my testimonies on Facebook and he approached me with the opportunity to write a book and so I with no experience in writing books we just began by John down some stories and the things that happened we revised the book three times and at the end it turned out to be a 12 chapter book that turned into 12 steps to testimony and so I take the reader through a methodology that we discovered during the process of writing the book which is truth transformation and then testimony and so essentially that truth part is debunking our belief systems and getting in line with who we are in the Lord right and understanding that we're not really up against facts or things on social media we're we're up against belief systems that we grew up with now if we can start to undo those things then we can get into a place of transformation and the whole point of transformation is to realize that the brain is capable to rewire for your plasticity and so in the book I discussed different modalities breath work timeline therapy ways to care for your body and also just encouraging the reader that hey this stuff is not linear as you guys know recovery is not linear man right ace it makes me think of I've been on this kick lately listening to a guy by the name of myON golden guy is just a phenomenal speaker communic Ator and just really articulates the text very well but I was thinking in my mind as you were sharing your story how myin talks about how the how God is Creator so in essence we to are creative individuals we're creative beings we create things right and lo and behold though you went through what you went through and you dealt with the trauma that you dealt with it was something that was trying to hinder you from discovering your creativity and so I listen to your story and as you speak and I also see the sovereignty of God needing to bring you through this process and so I think what I'd like you to speak on if you may how have you learned to embrace PTSD and be okay with this diagnosis and still be creative right because many people give up and throw the towel in when life is hard and don't get me wrong I'm pretty sure you've wanted to throw the towel in since you've been sober right but still it's like how have you learned to embrace it and put out a book that's phenomenal that's creative right and so it goes to show you despite what you're dealing with there's still a purpose so can you speak to some people that are listening right now that might be going through something similar like what were some things that you were able to walk through this journey and writing this book and reliving these stories it's a great question Great lead in I think through sobriety it teaches us a lot especially that first year 84 times I and I counted I don't know why I counted but I did 84 times I wanted to quit the first year and I picked up the phone and it might not have been the first person second third sometimes it be the fifth but somebody picked up and I think knowing that sobriety does not run in my family and being empowered to know that if I have a dysfunctional family right it could be less dysfunctional if I become functional knowing and also realizing that hey I do self-sabotage when I get close to a goal I do things to distract myself because I fear what might come out of it which is shame which is not being good enough whatever lies the enemy speaks and so being able to identify what those lies are and realizing that hey I'm just one decision away or one good choice away from The Next Step which sometimes would just be a paragraph sometimes i' would have to pause and pray trust seek and make those declarations right to to just trust that God wants this out and so partnering with other creative minds I think is really helpful too being in environment I had to learn to how to be in a creative space initially writing testimony stuff was brutal it threw me back into post-traumatic stress and so learning how to tell the story from a third person standpoint was huge for me this happened to Ace okay Ace went through this these were the things that went on and not so much WRA myself into the story I think definitely taking breaks and trusting that if the Lord wants us out he's going to have it out and so I had great I had amazing help just incredible people that helped me with the editing portion and just tremendous support from the community that said hey this meets to get out and so on January 1st the book came out and by the grace of God it that first week it was number one new release on Amazon for 12 step recovery we get number four new release on Amazon for PTSD and number seven overall for for health recovery and so that's all God he that's all him and it amazes me how just by some encouragement from some brothers speaking truth into something that you might not even believe in yeah but partnering with God in it he'll make it happen if it's his will and so I give it all to him Man vitamin G all day yeah that's so good so Ace what are some of those truths man that have really because truth is transformative right when we start to combat the lies and I love that combating the lies with the truth of the word of the Lord and what God really has to say about us and if you had to pick one or two right in the list of truths that have been transformative to you what are some of those Keystone truths that you've grabbed a hold of that have helped transform your journey and ultimately as you mentioned turn it into this testimony that you're now sharing with other people Yeah couple definitely a few things one knowing that I am a child of God right and if he created me and I have AED my loves I have purpose right two my authentic self is love peace Joy patience longsuffering and self-control amongst other things but with that being said on the scientific from a scientific standpoint you with my background being as a being a medical as a respiratory therapist the brain has the capability to heal if it can be damaged it also has a capab capability to heal and it can become more resilient than ever so those three things and holding on to those is what got me through a lot of dark times writing it and to just bring some bring some of the testimony to date I had a PTSD episode at work that has had me off for a few months now and so I'm currently going through that stage of recovery to just further I guess solidify the testimony that even and during that time too right before the book was about to be published it was really tough to not receive finances from from disability because that's that's a whole process right and so the lack of buy Christmas presents for my kids I think all those things were really challenging to go through but still God has purpose in it and he allowed it to come out when it was supposed to and yeah we can be I think one key thing that I'm learning in this season big time is that God can use us in our suffering like he uses us in our suffering if Ed Paul when he was in prison he can use us and so even though suffering through some nerve pain right now we can so be I can still jump on and be encouraged by you guys and vice versa it's just beautiful what God can do in the midst of our suffering because I think he draws he actually draws us closer to him during these times and protects us from our own Egos and from what we think we did on our own because it certainly wasn't just me bro yeah wow that's good wow yeah there's so much man there in that on God using Us in the middle of the suffering right and because it's it's one thing to do the Victory lap right after you get through a difficult battle but man it's another level of dependency on the Lord like to be able to like even you I think of Paul writing letters from prison and some of the stuff that we read like in some of the most encouraging texts that we read are written from a place of Paul being in the middle of suffering or just after being on Shipwrecked or beaten or whatever he had went through and what that says about the U ability to really connect with God and those difficult moments but yet talking about the power of the testimony still sharing that right we Rob and I think that's probably one of our favorite verses on the podcast we overcome by the blood of the Lamb the Word of Our Testimony and continuing to share that because it's there's an overcoming effect that takes place in us as we can still see God's goodness even in the middle of the difficult yeah I think too it's really important to understand that your story is your story right no one could tell you different you've been through what you've been through you've experienced what you've exper experience no textbook no like there's nothing that can debunk your story because it's yours and I think it's really vital one of the people that supports us I'm G to shout out his page real quick he doesn't even know this is coming but Philip oror he has a brand it's be you right like it's it's the model behind that I'm not 100% sure what that is exactly but it speak for itself be you like it's it's you like you nobody can be you just be you stop trying to be a carbon copy of anyone else and when we were talking about suffering I kept on thinking about the verse in Philippians where it says to live as Christ and to die is gain it's really not suffering this is a place of rejoicing because Paul says again in second Corinthians 12 he says for my grace is sufficient for my strength is made perfect and my what we he says I'd rather boast in my infirmities in my weaknesses and so God places Us in these positions and so that he could be strong because as John said John the Baptist said I must decrease so that you could increase we have to get out of the way to make room for the father so that the son could be exalted and so we look at our stories and we're like whoa well why am I dealing with this and why does this person have that it's like bro get out of your head get out of your head because it's not even about you because what you went through ACE was necessary for the Redemption of the next man because God used your creativity to write a book and that book is going to deliver more souls than you could ever do on your own but he didn't put you through what he put you through so that you can get the recognition he put you through what he put you through so that he can get the glory amen everything that God does points back to him yeah that's good amen and so it's like we look at PTSD and we or we look at somebody that has a disease or whatever it may be and we're like oh man like well God can just heal that well what sometimes God doesn't heal these things I'm a believer of that too and yes I said that I believe God heals I've witnessed God do Miracles right but I've also seen people that are standing in the faith that don't have limbs but they still have faith what and so it's like God uses it all nothing's wasted with the father but we look at our situations and circumstances sometimes as Believers and we're like oh man like why am I going through this it's like bro stop you're not going through anything we all have the same sufferings as the Bible tells us and so when we learn to lean in on one another as Gan says right to lift one another up to carry each other's burdens man look what happens and so it was the brothers that said hey Ace I really think you should write this book I really think you should write this book they took you out of your comfort and brought you into a discomforting situation so that you would be able to INSP other individuals that's God Amen that's God yeah it's so good and so I think what we need to understand as a people is that as you said earlier Ace one of the truths that you stood to is understanding your identity and this is something that the enemy is like just going crazy on right now within our society and culture he doesn't want people to know who they are and I remember this vividly when I was in Teen Challenge there was a man by the name of Greg Hammond and he preached the message he's like you have the orphan and you have the son they both get brought into the home the orphan obviously becomes adopted but the orphan doesn't know what he has access to because he doesn't identify as a son he still identifies as an orphan where the son goes into the home and opens up the fridge and knows what he has access to some people are in the kingdom of God and still operating under the orphan Spirit not realizing that they're Sons and Daughters that's huge yeah so identity is crucial to the faith whether you're what doesn't matter what you're going through in life if who you are and this is what blew my mind this morning in when I was reading the passage of scripture in Hebrews chapter 6 it's talking about how Abraham received the promise from God okay and then it goes on to say that he waited patiently for This Promise well when I looked up this word waited patiently it essentially means to endure now enduring something doesn't mean that you're staying stagnant that means you're moving forward and you're going to go through things and so we as Believers must understand that we have a promise and when we understand our identity and we understand the promise that's given to us we're able to endure the hardships Ace you're living out the scriptures my brother you're enduring through hardship because that there's a promise laying and waiting for you that's a miracle that's a testimony that's why we love doing what we do that's why we have this podcast that's why we Inspire other people that's why we want it to reach the Nations that's why we want this thing to blow up it's because we want people to understand that their story is impactful and that it has a purpose yeah it's so good and I you I feel like I'm going not very deep after ask after just went and man just really laid it out I got really passionate right there man and I just had to unleash that because it's like I don't know what you're going through ACE but can I say something bro when I pray and I don't see it come to fruition or come to pass and I can't heal you that hurts bro because I know you're hurting and it sucks when you a brother in Christ that's hurting and you can't fix it but what I can Rejoice why because this is temporary this isn't forever this is just temporary man and so I'm inspired by you more than you ever could imagine because of what you're going through and you're still alive you're raising your children and you're a husband right you're a father this is good I'm sorry let me stop I got my little tears going on we're on live television or thought it live television I closed my eyes for like three seconds I thought it was Eric Thomas talking to me man I was like Wow powerful robt thank you brother yeah man yeah so a I'd love to hear on for a few minutes like you talked about some practical things like physical breathing work and breath work and stuff like that man I've been wanting that asked this like conversation I what does that look like can you break some of that down a little bit and on and you how that contributes through this whole process sure yeah so I'm not an expert medically so I'm I'm gonna sound like an idot if I try to explain it anymore so I'm just gonna stop there right oh man you do great well I think there's if we look at a toolbox and if we look up like ways to heal or ways to reduce anxiety you'll have like a thousand things that pop up but focusing on just a couple and turning them turning those tools into practices I think is the key it and and consistency is just as important if not more important but also trus in the process of certain mod ities I've been suggested hundreds of modalities and in the book I share what worked for me now it might not work for you but it might be something you might look up on YouTube and get into so I don't share I didn't share in the book that I take ice baths but those have been really helpful ice plunges cold water plunges have been really great to help increase my bu dopamine I think a lot of us in recovery suffer from ADHD so increasing that dopamine for an extended amount of time has been huge it's gotten me off Aderall and ssris so that's been huge I go into somatic breath work which is like whim Hoff breathing where we do diaphragmatic breathing instead of just right now we're just really breathing with like our upper Airways and so taking those big deep be breaths to me it's it I haven't smoked cigarettes in a long time but it gives me that that relief of just calming my whole nervous system so that there's there's a type of yoga called Yoga Nidra I'm probably butchering it but where you're you're lying down and working from either head to toe or toe up and so you're like wigging your toes and just really being present in the moment and allowing yourself to be mindful of what's going on great modality that I use when I'm really struggling or when I feel amped up is to just get outside and I focus on my five senses now yeah they do it's the 54321 method where we what are five things I see what are four things I hear what are three things I can touch two things I smell and one thing I can taste and going through that it gets me out of what is going on and what's spinning and what how my body's reacting to being present and good so we can do that right now if you'd like what are for example I see the snow coming down I see a plant I see you guys I see a window I see this green shirt this green top that I'm wearing and just keep going down right keep going down the line just slowing it down so we just get centered those are some key ones for me when I'm in an acute State those spiritual disciplines of like meditation and Solitude right like the ones that tend to be about quieting ourselves more are so beneficial right like but they're often the spiritual disciplines that are talked about the least right it's the ones we avoid like like fasting almost what I'm saying like the things that like slow us down and cause us to have to reflect and that stuff is so huge but like man everybody wants to talk about praying fire down from heaven and and being able to sprit spit the scriptures out and it's good but like man Solitude and just getting quiet with my thoughts and has always been one of those things that has been it's difficult it is a it's a discipline and it's but it's so beneficial and useful and we were talking offline a little bit about this seasonal depression and knowing man knowing this is one of those things that I I deal with in January like every year never nevertheless this is that month it's just heavy and like early on when I first started recognizing it was a much bigger weight but you talk about the toolbox right and we were going through some of that like I recognized that like during this season I'm gonna mentally I'm gonna go I'm GNA go those places I'm gonna struggle a little bit and so I've got to put some stuff in place to meet that when it comes on and and that's that's so huge it's it's Elijah the depression for Elijah came on the other side of the mountain after Mount Carmel he ended up in the cave the time to prepare for that isn't when you're coming down the mountain it's while you're climbing up going up right because the other side is coming and a lot of us we we pause and we don't think about that until we're coming down and then at that point it's like we're we're in the cave already yeah well that's huge I towards the end of the year I felt really heavy as well and it's interesting I was speaking to some sisters about what happens at the end of the year going into the new year and they talk about like doing like an emotional Purge right so and it's interesting because if you think about let's call like spring cleaning right you're you're removing stuff so you can make room for new things I think that's that's also the case with our emotions and preparing ourselves for what God has for us in the new year and January to me is always pretty challenging as well I'm glad you're bringing up this topic because it's like if we set ourselves up for to prepare for A Renewed way of being or continuing in the path that God has Us in there's got to be some stuff to be removed it's like PL and snow and making way in the driveway I know Robert probably doesn't have to worry about that right now but yeah making way for what's to come and it's it's uncomfortable when it first when it when you get into these new ways of being and drawing the line the Line in the Sand saying hey I'm not I'm making a declaration that I'm not going to do certain things that I used to and really sticking with that right I think it's so important to have Community and we're here in Idaho we have we're supposed to get like three and a half fet of snow over the next day or two and I'm I'm like okay well I will be stuck at home there's a high probability that I'll experience that seasonal aective disorder or whatever you want to call it that Justin just mentioned and so what can we do right go hit the gym maybe stay inside and get centered and really be intentional with this time yeah that's really good I think sometimes the for me I look at those moments and my mom always used to call me a busy body I always had to do something I remember when I was living with my mom my wife and my firstborn Josiah and she was always like man you guys always have to be doing something y'all always on the go like y'all don't know how to sit at home and just rest give your body some rest I was like Mom like what do you mean like I'm I there's things to be done like I have a kid but she was teach she was trying to teach me a very valuable principle about life and it's it's as you guys were mentioning and you guys were hitting on this already but it's it's self-reflection self you have to analyze like what you're going through what why are you thinking the way that you're thinking why are your thoughts going this way right why do you feel the way that you feel but we're afraid to ask these type of questions because it begins to unpack some things and then it becomes very messy and nobody likes a mess right what like we want our lives to always be put together right that's for me man I used to get tired like just the people in the church because every time you see them it's just like I'm blessed and highly favored it's like bro you are not always blessed and highly favored and I like I get what you mean by your blessing like I get that but it's like that's not even like a term throughout scripture what like you just found a couple passages and then made it to something to where it's like now you have this church lingo but it's like yo like let's be real like what are you going through bro how can I pray for you hey man I'm struggling this week I had some Temptations I'm I'm trying to learn how to process some of these thoughts I'm having self-doubt as a parent or as a husband right like these are things that really begin to develop and evolve the individual and who they are called to be but if we ignore these things and we allow them to just lay dormant in our lives the enemy has his way and becomes the kill steal and destroy everything that God has called us to he wants us to do that but yall were saying something and I have I'm going to share this right because last year was probably the hardest year for my family and I the hardest year it was a very difficult year and I thought I had forgiven a specific individual and I was holding this weight and I didn't even realize I was holding this weight to the Lord just like hit me dead in the face like like just punched me hard he's like the reason why you are the way you are is because you haven't released this individual you haven't forgiven and I kid you not ever since I've forgiven this individual I feel like everything has just been falling into place am I where I want to be no but everything like I'm liberated I feel good I have confidence it's because I've released the very that I was holding on to that I've ignored because it laid dormant I didn't realize it was there but as I allow myself to sit still in the presence of God he's expose the dark areas of my life so I can bring it to the light because truth does what we said this in the beginning truth does amazing things sets you free it sets you free yeah but we would rather believe the lie of the enemy than believe the truth of God's word yeah and so the reason why we are or where we are or the where half the reason we're where we are is because of the fact that we've we've bought into to the system we bought him to the LIE right and so for me man like yeah like I just encourage people that are listening right now you might have thought you forgiving somebody just because you were like oh yeah but let me ask you this could you pray for that person right now could you call them up and have a convers would you invite them back over to your house yeah right that's what they say it's the truth though man it's like man like what does forgiveness really look like from a bi biblical perspective and I know this is a little off topic right this is probably something we could talk about offline or another podcast I don't know but I think for you Ace like and just like where you're at and like what you're doing through your book man you're really giving people tools and I think that's the point that I want to make right here is that we have the tools to get us from where we're at so that we can go to where we want to go yeah no that's that's powerful I've always thought that like there's no way I can for me it's difficult for me to think my way into good acting but if I but I can act my way into good thinking so what are some actionable so what are some actual steps I could get into right I think a lot of us here are on Route has spent some time in recovery and that step four amends man that step four amends where we talk about how a situation or person affected us emotionally maybe financially spiritually physically and writing down how it affected us right and then even going into how we would like the situation possibly resolved and being bold enough to ask that person which is crazy scary to ask that person for forgiveness and so working with my sponsor we talk about writing out a letter and giving it either giving it to that person or asking hey I have an amends to make would you like that in person would you like it on the phone or would you like me to send you a letter then it's up to them right but we've already made the actionable steps to go through that amends yeah because it's not about them it's it's it's about my reaction to what happened and it's not happening presently but it's affecting me presently and it could affect continue to affect my future and that's what that's the crazy thing I was hurt by the individual but I said hey man I need you to forgive me bro because I had you bound up in a prison that you don't belong in meanwhile I got set free from the Lord but I'm binding somebody else in another prison that they don't belong in yeah bro I was blown away because it's like that one passage of scripture right where the dude gets he gets all his debts forgiven right and then what happens he goes back to the dude that owes him money is like hey bro you better pay me right now you better pay me for you going to get this that you tell me and God's like no homie it doesn't work that way I forgave you gotta forgive him as well yeah right and Robert I love yeah sorry but I it's we are putting spiritual strongholds on people and this leads me all the way back to my original point that I made earlier God Is Creative right God created the world with his words we are putting spiritual strongholds on individuals by the power of our words there's life and there's and the power of the tongue yeah that reminds me brother that's so powerful in Hebrew and correct me if I'm wrong I'm not a scholar or anything but ain't no scholar here either brother you all right thoughts hey thoughts and words are the same thing it's the same word right it's so our thoughts and words are like one it's I think that's why the Bible talks so much about renewing our mind because our thoughts become words then become actions and all of a sudden we're we're walking out of the spirit and I don't know about you guys but when I started trying to play God in my life it's just kid get real silly it gets real silly preach so yeah we did that on Monday we started working on working with recovery live sorry no on Tuesday we started working this recovery Live program with the guys and we're going through the 12 Steps the students the center and we talked about the illusion to control on Monday and that one was always that's always fun to deal with right where we try to play God in our lives and think we have control when we really don't like we really don't have much control like we yeah it was just it was a good topic man yeah that process I me yall we're talking about the making amends and there's always more opportunity to be hurt right and I'm constantly trying to think through that like the opportunities to be mistreated or misunderstood and where a lot of times people get a v respond viscerally to something we do whether it be helping them like this is especially true servant in Ministry like there's so many opportunities to to be misunderstood and like and something they're dealing with ends up projecting on you but then like you have this moment where you can easily slip into offense and bitterness and unforgiveness because of their reaction you to what you were trying to do to help right and that that's that's such one of those things man constantly got to be on alert with and I don't I am not sitting here on a throne acting like I have it right cuz I struggle with it so often and it's like okay Lord I've gotta pause here and forgive these people yeah ask for forgiveness if I miss the mark but let's and just to take it one step further right and I know we're we're almost wrapping up here but think about what G let's look at the model The Life of Christ when Jesus ever addressed anyone he didn't address them he addressed the spirit yeah he addressed the spirit and then when he was on the cross he said father forgive them for they do not know what they do he understood the state of their being they didn't have a kingdom mind and we are expecting carnal man to understand Kingdom principle I heard I heard somebody Sayer Rob he extended the Forgiveness while the murder was still happening I heard that on a podcast the other day dude that just FL yeah like wow and here I am stuff that I'm holding on to right like right Joker stole your lollipop in third grade you over here still tripping on the jok it was C candy man is my favorite you put cream on my coffee like you cut me off oh my go man we tripping we are some dumb sheep that's what we are dumb sheep hey no wonder why the Holy Spirit had to come in we all were jobes bro so yeah hly had to come in that's my new clothing line I'm gonna have a clothing line that says dumb sheep like I'm getting one I'm getting a hat M custom hat oh actually it' be really funny be like what it should say this is some sheep like so a how can people connect with you man and get a copy of the book I did put the Amazon Link in the comments but any other places that people can connect with you right now to follow along on this journey man yeah absolutely so well here's a book it's called try fing truth transforming trials into testimonies you can find it on Amazon it is available through Kindle I in the book I left my email address there so if anybody wanted to contact me I offer coaching as well walk with people through the 12 steps of testimony to get to a testimony and you can find me on Instagram it's aor torr so aagr and I'm also on Facebook first and last name find me there and you I'm just really excited to continue to build this out and help people to transform their trauma into a testimony amen it's powerful that's awesome Rob did you have any Parton words my friend no man I think I shed a lot today there's so much you want much needed bro much needed yeah well thank you everybody man for jumping on and if you're here still hit the like button smash that subscribe button wait they say that backwards I always Jack that up but hit the share button let people know about this story man and if you get a chance the link is either above me or below me so jump over to Amazon and pick up a copy of Ace's book on God bless you guys thank you for following along and we'll see you on the other side on