Why I Replaced My Addiction Friends With People Who Actually Care

Accessing Gratitude and Perspective

Do you not realize what you have access to? You know what I mean? And like, I had to address my son this morning about this. Like, we got him a hoverboard. He loves this hoverboard. He wanted to play with it and we live in an apartment and we have neighbors down below. And so my kids are waking up at three o'clock in the morning wanting to like ride on a hoverboard. My people are actually sleeping, right? So he's like, I have no toys to play with now. Mind you, this kid had a room full of toys. So I had to bring him into the room.

I wanted to discipline him because he started wailing and crying. But you know, God kind of made me slow down in that moment. And I said, Josiah, let me explain something to you. I said, you don't realize what it is that you have access to because your vision is so blurred by something that I corrected you on. I want you to see the bigger picture. You don't understand this because you're young now. But there are people that don't even have toys to play with that are in third world countries that will take trash and formulate it into a ball and kick it as if it was a soccer ball and be so happy and content, and would love to be in your position to play with all the toys that you have.

And so we write on our window every morning our IAM affirmations and then we also do a list of gratitude. And so he said this morning, as my wife asked what are you grateful for? And he said, I'm grateful for my toys. And I said, Josiah, why are you grateful for your toys? And he began to explain the conversation that him and I had. He said, Daddy brought something into my perspective, you know, and kind of allowed me to see something that I didn't see before. I have a lot, and I'm thankful for my toys and the things that I get to play with.

The Living Word and Seeking God

And so I say all that to say, we don't realize that we have the living word of God in front of us. Justin, I'm guilty of this. I'm guilty of this. I'll turn to man or I'll turn to social media or I'll turn to this and I'll turn to that. It's like, God wants us to turn to him, you know? And we have children. Imagine if our children turn to the neighbor's dad or their friend's dad for assurance and hope or comfort and didn't turn to us. How would that make you feel?

What we lack in the church is relationship, man. We don't have that anymore, really. It's interesting because, like, you know, I'm a big fan of social media and I'll chop up some of my sermons sometimes and put clips out there on the internet and all that, you know? But like, a lot of times I think we're there scrolling more for the dopamine hit, you know? And we get this little boost of encouragement or just little thing that resonates with it for a second. But like, we're really not digging deep into it.

The Detriment of Shallow Engagement

And these clips, I've even noticed. I mean, I do editing work and they're so chopped up and all the pauses and stuff are pulled out of them. So it seems very, very direct and very to the point. And I get that, but like, we're almost on, you're trying to manipulate the social media algorithms more just to get people's attention. And I love the fact that there is probably more Christian content available than any other time in history right now in social media.

But I think it's been to our detriment as well because it's pulled us away from actually sitting in the word, you know? And digging into his word and getting the revelation for ourselves. And on, yeah, I mean, and with all the confirmation, but I mean, we're gonna find what we're looking for, you know? I mean, on social media, the algorithms are made for that. And so it's like, oh man, this video post I came across was such a direct word from God.

The Importance of Authentic Relationships

And I'm like, no, the algorithms are built for that. Like they're showing you what you want to see in the moment, you know, instead of just examining the word deeply and letting it pierce our hearts and change us from the inside out. And I think a lot of times we don't realize that, you know? Well, like we said in the beginning, and this has been my heart lately, man, it's I really, as the temple of God, my body being the temple, I'm housed the Holy Spirit.

It's my heart's desire to create a place and a space for people to come to. I really want to be the light on the hill, and I don't want to profess that I'm a believer. I want God to do a work in me so much that people are attracted to me and they just begin to open up. And so people have found social media or other avenues of escape to be their source of comfort. Where in a time as today, we need one another to draw to, to come to and work alongside one another to lift each other up and be that comfort, right?

The Role of Testimony in Faith

Because that's the body; the church is not a building. It's the body. And we have so much division amongst one another, and we're tearing one limb off and another limb off and we're like, I can do this without the foot, I can do this without the head. Name one person that has an amputated arm or a leg or a foot, whatever, that says, you know what? My life has been so much better without my arms and my feet. You know, like, no, it just, it doesn't work that way. We need to be connected.

And see, this is the problem with the church and it's been my issue for so many years, man, because when I first got saved and I opened up the word and I would read it, I'd ask myself, why are there so many denominations? Why are there so much division, all these different things? And I get the theological aspect of things. I'm not ignorant to any of those things. I understand why those things happen. But at the end of the day, man, like, it's not the father's heart, it's not, you know?

Overcoming Through Testimony and Grace

And so, and I think the reason why these things have come about is because we've stopped seeking God. And we started seeking man. So you said something a few seconds ago about on, you know, you didn't even want to profess like you wanted people to see the light in you. And I think when we originally started on text messaging about this conversation, you shared Romans 12:11, and they overcome by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony. Right.

So can you explain maybe what that looks like a little bit, right? So in your perspective and your thought process, what does it look like to overcome by the blood of the lamb, by the word of the testimony? And it's really to be that light for people, for the church folks who may be confused, you know? Yeah, yeah. So information, I learned this one time in Teen Challenge, information plus application equals transformation.

And so, when we learned to listen, God will, in his sovereignty, divinely place people in our path that he's equipped us for to be able to shed light to their dark situation. And so you and I have had conversations before where you've shared things with me and I've shared things with you. And like you said before, you were able to listen and I would just be a sounding board, vice versa. But you had a moment where you were able to shed light to something because you've been through a similar situation.

The Power of Shared Experiences

And so I think sometimes people are going through things that they need hope in. My testimony is the opportunity that I'm able to share about the goodness of God. I was actually able to do this last night. There's one woman we went to a pop-up dinner, great, got to share with her. And she just began to weep and cry. She's like, I'm so grateful that you shared your story because it gave me hope that marriage and a spouse is still out there because she was abused, right?

She's trying to get custody of her three children. She has one little boy, a single mother, trying to do all these things on her own. But the opportunity presented itself in a casual conversation that we had over some dinner, right? With others. And it brought about an opportunity, right? It wasn't like, hey, look at me. Look what God's done in my life. But it was just such an authentic and organic conversation that brought about the opportunity for me to share my story and brought hope to her dark world.

And so that was in that moment, a seed that was planted. Now what God does with that seed is up to me. But I've done my part by being the instrument and the vessel that he desires to use to bring about glory onto his name. And so we have to understand that as believers, sometimes people are placed in our lives for a time in the season, right? Like everything has its purpose, everything has its role.

The Challenge of Sharing Weaknesses

And so as we are saved by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, it really comes down to being able to listen and to hear what it is that God is speaking through the broken. Because he's speaking through them. But we as his children, it's almost like when in the Old Testament, when Cain killed his brother, Abel. When Cain killed his brother and he was in the dirt, his brother cried out to him, right? The cry of his people in a dark place.

Think about this, when people are in darkness, they're crying out, but we as believers aren't listening. We're so quick to judge what they're going through that we're not listening to the real heartbeat of their problem. You know, even when you look at Paul sharing, I mean, there's so many examples in Scripture, where even he, as he's sharing his stories, like among sinners, I was the chief, and I was the worst Pharisee.

And I think a lot of times, especially in the social media-driven culture, we're so quick to share our wins and share the highlights of our lives, where Paul oftentimes, if he had any reason to boast, I mean, he had plenty of reason. Yeah, he was always in the mess. And it was like, this is not me trying to get my glory, but this is me showing you that, you know, look, if God can do it for me, he can do it for you as well.

The Importance of Humility in Community

And I think many times, we try to lean back on our accomplishments and our righteousness, where it's like, man, it's not my righteousness. It's God's righteousness, you know? Let me, it's funny, because I've, I've times been asked, you know, you're 16, 17 years later, why do I still talk about being delivered from crystal meth? And it's like, I don't want to forget about it, you know? Like in 20, 30 years from now, I'll probably still be talking about it, because it's like, that weakness was something I couldn't fix on my own.

Right. And it shows the power of God, you know, even still working into my life all these years later. Right, because think about it. Like you were touching in on Romans or Corinthians chapter 12, but the beginning part of that verse was, he says, his grace is sufficient for his strength is made perfect in his weakness. Not, not, now, I quoted Galatians 2:20, we know this really well, but it's Christ that lives in us.

Second Corinthians 5 tells us that he's given us the spirit of reconciliation, right? We are saved by grace through faith, faith that no man can boast. So the point that I'm making in all of this is that God is ushering grace in your weakness. And so when we see people in darkness, we need to usher grace, because grace, he says to his disciples, as it has been freely given, so freely give. And so we don't even understand the grace that has been given unto us.

Creating a Safe Space in the Church

And so we're like the Pharisee that judges the woman with the alabaster jar of oil that waste it. And he's like, you don't even know who you're wiping your feet. That's a prostitute. And Jesus is like, for whoever's been forgiven much, loves much. People don't understand the measure of love that God or grace or mercy that God has had upon their lives. And so therefore, they have this mentality that they're better than others, because now they've crossed the other side.

But we have to be humbled and be reminded, as the Bible tells us, if a man thinks he stands, take heed, lest he fall. Pride comes before the fall. Humility is the key in bringing forth redemption to God's people. Christ came down humble. He was on his throne. He came down through a virgin humble to save his people. He didn't come on a high horse. So if Christ had to come humbly to redeem his people, what makes us think that we must not do the same?

The Struggle of Transparency in the Church

Yeah, amen. Yes, so we talk about overcoming and walking in that grace. And I want to touch on something else real quick, because we kind of began the conversation talking about our friendship and our ability to have these conversations with one another. Yeah. And so moving maybe away from showing grace to the unbeliever and trying to win them through our testimony, what do you think keeps church folks?

So Christians, not just church folks, but Christians, so bottled up and unable to talk about their shortcomings and their weaknesses openly. If we understand that even from a spiritual perspective, Paul spoke and boasted on his weaknesses and shared them. And I've got this torn in the flesh that I can't get rid of. And I'm the worst, I'm the chief of all the Pharisees, et cetera, et cetera. But what do you think keeps Christians in that place? Is it pride? Is it insecurity? What is it that keeps them from being willing to be open and share those things?

The Fear of Exposure

Yeah, that's good, man. That's actually a really good question. You brought that up. I think it's a little bit of everything. Pride's in there. But I'm going to speak from personal experience. And this is just a struggle that I've had my whole entire life is the acceptance of others, people pleasing. And so I know not even being a believer, but being an unbeliever, that when someone finds out information about you, it's gossiped.

And so if I share something with somebody, I don't even know if I can trust you in that matter, because I'm so afraid that if it gets leaked out, now people are going to perceive me differently than I already am. And so I think identity has a huge role to play in this conversation. Because I think too, now I'm more open to sharing, because I know who I am, and I know where I'm going. But if you don't understand your identity, you'll get encapsulated and caught up in thinking that your works is a representation of your identity.

If I do X, Y, and Z good, then I want everybody to see the good at me, because if they see the bad at me, then all they'll see is the bad, right? It's like, we're married, right? But my wife, it's funny. Five years will pass. I'll do everything good, but she'll bring up that one moment that I did something bad, and tear me up about it. I'm like, how did you remember? She knows the date, she knows the time, she knows where we were at, what color shoes I was wearing, what all, if I drooled that day, like all these insignificant details to the matter.

The Freedom in Transparency

And so I think the thing is, is that what the enemy does and has against us is our past. And so he doesn't have our future, but if you understood that God died not only for your past and present and future sins, then you'll always live in your past. Isn't it interesting though, because there's no ability to gossip about me being a former crystal meth addict, right? Because I've been fully transparent about that.

And you know, you can tell everybody in the world that I used to shoot meth in my arms, and it's like shocker, you know, everybody knows, you know? But you know, it's that whole idea, I think it was at the 12 stepers that used to say it all the time, we're only as sick as our secrets. And so when we have this fear of being exposed, you know what I'm saying? Like that keeps us in that place, it keeps us locked.

But if we're willing to reach out to people and engage and be transparent about the struggles, it really helps that thing lose all of its power over our lives because there's no room to be exposed anymore because it's all out in the open anyways. Yeah. You know, I don't want to say that I'm suggesting that, you know, we post all of our darkest, deepest secrets on social media, I think there's wisdom and choosing who to talk to, you know, of course.

The Need for Safe Spaces in the Church

But like the more transparent and the more we're willing to be able to speak these things out and be transparent with, you know, maybe a trusted group of friends or, you know, having those conversations, it sheds light on things to help us move forward in our lives, you know? Well, I mean, I recently just had an experience with you, man, where I had to share something that I was struggling with, right? A thought came up.

And I knew that through our relationship, I felt comfortable coming to you. And it wasn't just you, right? It was Christ in you. I knew I could come to you, not only as a brother in Christ, but I knew that God would utilize you as a vessel that I needed in that moment to share something that I was bottling. And I think the more that we, as you say, stuff things and keep things hidden, the more the enemy is able to utilize those things against us. But when we release things, it's like that pimple on your face, like it will get big.

Bro, you bust that thing, it's gone, you know what I mean? Like, I was, hey, what's up with you? Check it in the camera to see if I had one. And it's just, yeah, man. Like it's one of those things, dude, where once it's released, it can't enter back in. Unless you give it room to. I think that's why that scripture talks against gossip and slandering people.

Fostering a Culture of Grace

You know, and we have a tendency to do that in the church at times. I think we, we are, maybe won't openly gossip, but somebody will say something to us in confidence and then we'll get in a prayer circle and we'll pray for that person very openly right now. And it's like, it's like, man, the church should be the safest place in the world to struggle. Like it should be, it should be the best spot to be able to come with all your insecurities, all your weaknesses, all your failures, and be able to know that I can walk in a room of people that are all Christ's followers, that all have that light in them, and be able to openly say what I'm going through.

And people don't gasp, you know? Like people aren't gonna run and tell people about me. And I, I think that's one of the, I was listening to a guy talk on, it was an Instagram reel, and I think that's one of the dichotomies that I think we struggle with in leadership because oftentimes, when you step into a role of leadership, you, you struggle to be open with people because you don't know who's going to use it against you. And, and twist the words, you know?

The Call to Authentic Community

And it's just like, man, like, I wish, like we could get to a place in modern church where it's just safe to be comfortable. And it's, it's not safe to be open and safe to confess and deal with our sins, you know, in a way that, that we're gonna find grace, you know? Galatians talks about restoring each other gently, you know? And I think a lot of times, at least in my history growing up, I mean, I saw so much in the church as a teenager where like Christians were quick to like shoot their wounded, you know?

And we even see it like, and I'm not saying that some of these larger mega church scandals, where there's sexual, all that stuff should be exposed, sexual abuse and all that from a, you know, from a major, you know, big standpoint. But like, even hearing about people struggling and then like people that they were their biggest fans, prior to their sin being exposed, and then the moment their sins being exposed, like, I see people just dragging them, you know, through the mud.

Now you cross a barrier when there's criminal activity, right? When somebody's breaking the law, like, obviously, that stuff has no place. But I'm kind of digressing back to just, you know, sin that people are just gonna struggle with, you know, that there's no, there's no ability to be transparent and expose those things without worrying about being judged.

Building an Environment of Grace

It all starts with us, dude, you know. What did God call you to do, Justin? What did he call me to do? I think when we, when we stop focusing on what's not being done, and focus on what's being done, I think definitely change begins to happen, right? Because there's so many distractions out there, dude. You know, like, at the end of the day, everybody's trying to find out, like, is this personal, okay, to listen to?

And then what we now are doing in this culture, and appreciate, like, we're trying to basically dig to find out what error in this person has. We no longer like seek truth now, we're like, what error in this person has? Like, dude, dude, dude, you know, and so we're trying to uncover God's creation and God's like, look, don't worry about all that. I got my daughter out here now. He wants to say hello.

But yeah, so it's very interesting, man, but I think at the end of the day, what I've been learning myself personally, it's really to create that environment or that place of comfort and assurance within myself, and be the best that I can be that God has called me to be. And so that's all I can do, you know?

Finding Safe Spaces for Struggles

So what would you say to the believer in Christ that maybe he's listened to this and says, I hear everything you're saying about being transparent, and I see the value in it, but I don't know who to talk to? Yeah. Like, I feel like I have nobody in my life that I can trust. What would your encouragement be to somebody that might feel like they're in that position?

Yeah, absolutely. First, first, first and foremost, the first person you always talk to is the father. I would say first and foremost, man, talk to the father, right? My children, I want my children to come to me first before they go to anybody else. And I think in addressing it with the father, God will lead you to address it with man or female, whoever it may be, but you have to be really mindful that everybody's your friend.

Like, if you have thousands and thousands of friends, not all of those people are your friends. Like, I only talk to maybe two or three people about my serious deepest, darkest secrets if I have them. I'm not sharing that with Susan, Becky, Jim, stop posting your stuff on social media. Like, that's number one. But have two or three people that are in your inner circle, kind of like how Jesus did; Jesus modeled that force. You know, he didn't take everybody everywhere.

Community and Authenticity in Growth

And so I think if we replicate that in our own lives and make sure that we have, you know, because in Teen Challenge, it taught us to have your inner circle. You have your outer circle and you have your acquaintances. And so I have an inner circle of people that I speak with. Yeah, I think that's the interesting part about being in Teen Challenge was there was so much encouragement to be transparent and be open that that experience for folks like you and me really helped on impact my, at least impacted my life to be able to be open and share things with people on a consistent basis.

Yeah, so yeah, that's good, man. Yeah, I love these. I'm so excited to be able to continue hopping on some of these calls with you, man. And just diving deep, man, and having conversations, I think, I think the people that are within the church or not even in the church, they need to hear this.

And especially for the unbeliever, I wanna disclose that we're imperfect people and we don't get it right. But we serve a perfect God that helps us. And so we just want you to come fellow citizens with us. That's at the end of the day. We want you to know that there are people, there are Christians out there that aren't mainstream so much, but underground, you know, like hip hop. You have your mainstream artists and then you have your underground artists.

People that are unheard of, you know, and so there are those people that are out there that are unheard of, are unspoken about, that are authentic and keep true to their word and really do love you. And so just be reminded that you're loved and love it. You took anything from this. There is a safe place for you to come to, and that place that you can come to is Christ to give you the healing that you need.

Closing Thoughts and Future Conversations

Yeah. I think that was the mindset in starting to do some of these conversations was you're really to just, I mean, you know, get together with people and just have authentic conversations. Just, I mean, this is just how people do life. I mean, a lot of the content online is so polished. It's so directed, and I get there's a place for that. You know, don't get me wrong. It's funny because I haven't even given these shows a name yet, like Conversations Over Coffee maybe. I don't know, but I think it's just doing it and getting these conversations out there for people to hear.

Amen, amen. My name is Robert Grant, married for over seven years, currently reside in California. Father of three, one boy and two girls, been serving the Lord for over 10 years, about to celebrate 10 years of sobriety. And I love Jesus. So thank you for having me on, Justin. Yeah, what do you do for, what do you do for a living?

Yeah, so I am like, I am like, I am a door knocker. I do door-to-door sales. So I knock on your door and hopefully you allow me to come into your home and get you to buy solar. So if any of you out there need solar, you know, to contact. Hey, thanks so much for watching this conversation. I hope you found value out of it. If you did, please share it or like it or subscribe to the channel. God bless you. Appreciate you watching. Have a wonderful day.