Breaking The Cycle: Mastering Relapse Prevention In Addiction Recovery

the cycle of relapse and it talks about relapse as a process right not a single event and it goes back to what you were talking about just a few moments ago there's emotional mental then physical right and like emotional starts out with like the denial of the circumstances and then there's mental where it's I'm reminiscing about it now I've had an issue in my life I've got some struggles that I'm dealing with and so now instead of dealing with those issues head on I've been deny what's happening and then I start to think about a solution which is reminiscing about drugs and then that leads to the physical right and so it's not always a I just got up and decided to go out and do drugs today it's there's a process and a lot of times I think that's when you start to see the individual that struggled with addiction in the past they start to disconnect right from people when they're in that emotional state there's a little bit of I'm pulling back from the people that I that can actually help me and then they're living elsewhere mentally long before they decide to use thought it would be fitting to really let some of our audience know some signs to look out for when those that we love and chish are struggling with their addiction and maybe even sober for a periodic time and they end up going back into that addiction or that formal life habit what would you say are some good tools or some good warning signs that we should look at for people that are about to relapse yeah man it's it's hard to notice that right sometimes and I think there's that challenge of seeing the best in people at times right and we want to especially when you're walking somebody through addiction like you've got to be able to see the best in that person to see what's unseeable but you can't allow that to push you into a place of delusion that you ignore the warning signs and so I almost talk I think these War warning signs especially being able to notice them and see them are important because if you ever seen that Domino right you set you click that first one over and then it ends up setting off a chain reaction and there are behavioral signs there's stuff that people are doing there's physical signs and all of that but it's man when we see that stuff and we see that first Domino click over it's man you got to know that one thing is a big deal right it's we want to give Grace and not hold accountable and yeah and there is a difference between accountability and punishment but we want to give Grace and not hold accountable and we don't realize that man that one Domino can set off a chain reaction I don't know if I answered your question or not yeah the thing that I thought about was and I can't remember the name of the book but I read it through my internship and Teen Challenge I want to say it was boundaries for parents but there was a particular portion of the book where it said how we're not to look at our grown adult child or our yeah our grown adult as a child anymore at that infant stage in diapers because we have this idea in our minds after one overcomes addiction and goes to a rehabilitation center they're like oh whether it's 3 six a year long program they've completed it and it's like the parents guard gets put down because they're like oh my child has completed a task he's done something or she's done something that she's never done before there's my little Johnny again there's my little Abby again and the reality is that they're not little they're grown adults and when proper systems aren't put in place and you allow yourself to be that individual that enables again rather than instructs and corrects and guides as a parent should you often give those that are struggling in addiction the opportunity to utilize your vulnerability as the weakness that it is and they're like a line and they pray on that they're like yes like this is my opportunity mom's guards down hey Mom let me hold this or hey mom or dad let me do this and I know for myself man I didn't really have that parent model figure in my life but when I was going through my addiction very much but I do know that when I got out of Teen Challenge and I Recon with my mom and my stepdad there were moments in my mind that I thought that I can play the trick on them when the reality is that I was only playing the trick on myself so I think something that's really beneficial for people to look out for as a warning sign is that when you don't have proper systems put in place or if you don't necessarily look at them as the adult that they are it can cause you to put your guard down and open you up for opportunities for your child to redo the same thing that they've been doing all those years yeah absolutely I think too because we're I think for loved ones not I don't have any adult children that have walked through this but I've got family members I've got siblings that have walked through this process of I was clean I had my life together and now I'm trying to help them out and I think sometimes it's easy to overlook because we're afraid of losing them again and I know that's a fear that some parents have to probably deal with it's man I finally got my kid back I finally got they're active they're in my life I see the person that they were before the drugs and alcohol and so like they're close and I enjoy that closeness and so it's man if I step in and hold accountable then what if they run off the rails again and so sometimes it's easy to overlook but man there are on I used to talk about this a lot and I've seen it in so many people where there's like a mental and emotional relapse that happens way before the physical relapse ever takes place I think about it yeah but there's like that lifestyle right the hustling mentality that some people carry like when you've been in a lifestyle of dealing drugs or whatever that might be like that mindset of continuing to live like an addict what I'm saying not becoming whole again not becoming the new person in Christ and there may not be drugs what I'm saying but that's where we've talked about a lot of getting to the root causes of addiction dealing with those and getting healing because not putting a needo in your arm isn't the only thing that elicits recovery right in a new life there's so much more work Beyond just using I would argue that stopping the physical substance is the easy part of recovery it was painful but that's the easy part dude it's I think about my wife for example she went through Walter hoving home in Las Vegas and she was or so she thought she was going to go to Bible College in Arizona and she came back to the dorm after visiting her family I believe and there was a notice stating that there was an internship at sbtc lo and behold and she prayed about it and the Lord told her to go that way right so she had just graduated she's doing this internship and she literally moves cross country to another ENT a totally different state no familiar surroundings people just foreign to her right and there's something about starting new but one thing I've learned about my wife and I understand is that like when her life if she doesn't organize things it's like a warning sign for me to ask her are you okay because I know how she was or she's expressed to me how she was and when she is not well these are the certain habits that she has yeah right that's good the chaos that's in their life and I think one of the most important things that we can do for our children for those that we love that are struggling in addiction is ask those questions how can I help you rather than trying to be the savior of the situation really learning to surrender and trust God with a child because the child is the his at the end of the day but really just asking the question and coming alongside them as another brother or sister in Christ and saying hey how could I help you like where do you believe your shortcomings are or where can I hold you accountable yeah and I think in asking that question allows that individual to understand that you're not there to prevent them from doing what they want to do and dictate how they live their lives but also you're what you're doing essentially is opening up the door to say hey look I'm here for you I'm not against you I'm not going to condemn you because you've relapsed but I want to make sure that I get you to the destination that you've been called to go to because your life is more valuable than that needle or that pill that you're going to use yeah absolutely I was Google searching over here and I found some stuff on the cycle of relapse and it talks about relapse as a process right not a single event and goes back to what you were talking about just a few moments ago there's emotional mental then physical right and like emotional starts out with like the denial of the circumstances and then there's mental where it's I'm reminiscing about it now I've had an issue in my life I've got some struggles that I'm dealing with and so now instead of dealing with those issues head on I deny what's happening and then I start to think about a solution which is reminiscing about drugs and then that leads to the physical right and so it's not always a I just got up and decided to go out and do drugs today it's it's there's a process and a lot of times I think that's when you start to see the individual that struggle with addiction in the past they start to disconnect right from people when they're in that emotional state there's a little bit of I'm pulling back from the people that I that can actually help me and then they're elsewhere mentally long before they decide to use wow so it's like the organic conversation it's sayy you might have sat down and ate breakfast with the family every morning and then now oh wait he's sleeping in why is he sleeping in he used to go to the gym why is he not going to the gym anymore or like just the things that you would see them pick up I think after recovery is a tell tail sign right because generally speaking these rehabil rehabilitation centers they're systems that are put in place that they abide by CC taught us to wake up early make our bed do a devotional you had breakfast you did your devotional you had your workday day you came home from your work day did whatever a little bit of free time had dinner then had chat there was a routine and I think routines are really good and I think one of the things that you can look out for if you're a parent is what's the routine of my child and maybe they're not living at home and I think that's hard too when they're not living at home because we have to address that too right cuz a lot of these people may not or may be they are but may not be living at home so like how do we handle that right you don't want to be overbearing and you don't want to be like calling them every single day what are you doing did you eat your breakfast did you take your vitamin you don't want to be that weird parent but that communication when it decreases that's the question whatever is your normal right so whatever is your normal healthy levels of communication if that starts to just drop like I would be asking questions right and the one thing I noticed too outside of some of those folks that like to take these random social media fast but like when the TC graduates that I worked with were doing well they are posting on social constantly right now those that's for the ones that were using Facebook obviously there's a whole generation that has moved to snap and Tik Tok and everywhere else where they got the disappearing messages and people still like that for some reason but for those that I was connected with on Facebook when they were doing well they were eager to talk about it and then all of a sudden they just ghosted their social media presence because nobody's going to shout their failures out and those are the times where it's brother I haven't seen you post in a while are you doing okay yeah man I'm just and the one conversation is yeah man I'm just I'm taking a break from social or whatever and it's just I'm here I'm praying for you etc but watching that yeah that's why I like the whole idea of what Ace talks about a lot like recovering out loud and because it is that accountability piece and so if I'm my parent and I'm seeing that I'm not living at home with them I'm I'm going to probably start asking some questions I don't know what about you what do you think it's hard right because this is just from my perspective coming out of addiction and not already having a really wellestablished relationship with my mom and then trying to create that was foreign and awkward right like at first because it was like man I love my mom she's an amazing woman of God like all these great things but how do I cultivate a relationship that was never there and I didn't know how to do that a lot of times in my addiction what I ended up doing Justin was really pushing people away and though I was well I still had a tendency to push people away and that people to hear me say that it's like what do you mean Rob like you're the most outgoing individual in the world yeah I'm actually a really good extrovert SL introvert like I like being by myself and so I'm really good at keeping my distance with individuals and the sayings is like playing the part like I could fool people to believe that everything was okay when things weren't okay because I didn't want to let people in yeah because the second I let people in it was like it was exposing all this baggage and so on and so forth and there's only a few people that I let in because it's don't want to deal with the drama like going back to answering your question I think that is good to have that healthy boundary relationship and communication with your child but also too for those that are struggling in addiction it might take time and I think it's important to understand as the parent to give that space and let it to H let it happen organically yeah don't be overbearing but let it happen organically make your presence known whether you set up a call once a week it's hey look you don't have to call me every day I just want to hear your voice once a week and check up on them right maybe you go out you have a bite to eat or so on and so forth but sometimes man it can be overbearing because it's something that's new to them you got to understand you were once dead you've come back to life you're under this new way of living and now all this like it's almost overwhelming cuz everybody like celebrates you and Praises you and that can be very dangerous in and of itself because stepping out of addiction and getting all this praise it's boom then when that dissipates and it's no longer there it's oh wait what's going on here like why aren't people praising me and giving me all this Glory it's like my child when she's two years old and she uses the potty we're like Yay but imagine doing that with an adult you're 24 years old you just use the bathroom yay Johnny you used the bathroom I'm so excited I'm so happy for what and so it's like how do we navigate and walk alongside our child or let's just say our friend right let's distinguish the difference right or separate the two right it doesn't have to necessarily be parent and child but how do you walk alongside your friend and help them yeah and I think I look at it like the Good Samaritan if they're broken and they're hurting don't just walk past it if you acknowledge something even if it results in the relationship being broken don't let your child just sit there pain because you're so afraid of them no longer wanting to be in relationship with you no like that's not a friend of Love looks differently what I'm saying and so like sometimes these warning signs are there but parents are afraid to say anything because they don't want to lose their child like they previously did in the past yeah and so we have to be careful to not allow these things to slip through the crack and be very cautious to understand that this is someone's life that God has stewarded you with and you have to take responsibility for that and yes it's hard and sometimes you can't do anything but if you have the ability to do something speak up yeah for sure no thinking about that man just knowing what that process and that journey of recovery is going to look like I used shared an illustration like I ran cross country in middle school for a couple months that wasn't my thing but I did my first meet my first cross country meet and on I think about running those longer races like that and I imagine outside of doing these huge marathons in these big cities where people are everywhere cheering them on I noticed something there was a crowd of people at the starting line and there was a crowd of people at the Finish Line right but the in between stages it was just me and the trail and Recovery feels like that a lot what I'm saying like when I'm starting especially just starting out getting the life together and you start sharing the testimony and know this is what guys there's a lot of people there cheering you on but then as you begin to mature what I'm saying you're going to get further along in this journey that crowd falls off and so unless you've been real intentional about building the disciplines to put good people in your life or really work on the mental game to be able to endure then that section in between the start line and the Finish Line can be difficult and so I think for fa parents it's knowing that it's man they are still building those disciplines they're learning how to deal with themselves learning how to be themselves figure out who they are as people and that's a journey man that's a long drawn out journey and fighting that mental game is sometimes hard and so if you see them step off or slow down or start to do something differently that's maybe out of character of the new person those are the moments where like you said I'm just stepping in and cheering them on I'm encouraging because no matter I'll say this if I know for me no matter how old I get I still enjoy affirmation from my parents or other people always dude it just doesn't matter how old I get like my I send a video to a client and they send a message back and say man you crushed on that video like my eyes light up when I read that I enjoy hearing that and so those areation yeah those are the parts where we can be intentional on loving somebody that we might think is slipping to just Speak Life yeah no that's so good I remember Greg Hammond from Teen Challenge he always said he's Robert you're a man he's I've never met any man that has ever said that they've been encouraged too much you can never encourage a man enough or a woman enough for that matter but the thing that really sparked something in me with what you were just saying is looking at how you see them in their condition and you see where they're weak and you come in and be strong and it makes me think of the passage of Paul or second Corinthians where Paul said your grace is sufficient for your strength is made perfect in my weakness yeah and I think we need to take a second to understand that it's okay to be weak yeah it's okay to be weak as a parent but it's so okay to be weak as one that has overcome addiction and is going through the rehabilitation process because your weakness doesn't Define who you are your weakness opens up opportun for God to come in and Usher his presence yeah and so God wants to work in your weakness and I think we have this facade this idea in our minds that when we're whole we have it all together we're going to have everything figured out we're going to be able to conquer the world and the reality is God I don't want you to have it all together and be able to conquer the world I want you to be weak so that you're rely and dependent upon me and me alone and see when you come out of a addiction thinking that it's you that have done it that's when you end up going back into your relapse because then you begin to compromise and go and do things that you used to do before thinking that you're strong enough right to be surrounded by those individuals yeah that were once like-minded like you and the thing is I can't do that bro like I just I can't like I can be around people that drink and stuff and have a beer or whatnot but I'm not going to sit there and be at a party where people are getting in the B like I'm just not going to like I don't choose to do that but it's 10 years Rob you're strong enough no I'm not I'm still in the flesh there it is that's good I'm still in the flesh yeah it's that's like saying hey look I'm gonna put you in a room full of women and I'm just gonna no dude I'm In the Flesh I'm married I love my wife but I'm In the Flesh I cannot do this Jesus tells us you can do nothing apart from me right and see this is why Community is so vital to those that are going through anything in life especially in the rehabilitation process because when we come together and I heard this man say this and I'm going to give him credit nobody really knows who he is he works with me awesome man of Faith he came out of addiction but he said Community common Unity Community it's a common Unity what is your Comm common Unity right find the common Unity with your child and bond again that's so good yeah man and I think when you learn to bond with your child begins to open up and I know this because of the relationship that I've been able to build with my son over these last couple of years when I got to bond with him on this recent camping trip he's like Dad I got to share this with you or Dad I gota and it's it's cool to see that but it's because we connected and I think often we try to connect with our children in the wrong manner because we have our own ideas of what it means to connect when the reality is it's not about you yeah you got to put others first yeah that's so good man yeah it's just that connection piece is so vital and really challenging that status quo what I'm saying in relationships and I think that honestly man I there's nothing like the one thing I would say to parents who are watching some of this process is like you're never going to get it all right what I'm saying and I know that even in my own parenting and trying to love one people that are struggling through addiction and all that like we do the best to educate ourselves we do the best to be present and you obviously it's hard to do when you're being pushed away but we still try to love but ultimately end of the day I would also tell parents to just be gentle on themselves be give themselves Grace as well cuz they're not going to get it right but also like you talk about those signs in the whole domino illustration like if we can intervene early if we can show that love and show up early on then we can prevent this domino effect from happening right I don't I push further and further away from the Rock Bottom more and more because it's 2023 and Rock Bottom is deadly so it's more of a mental than a physical rock bottom right yeah and let me say something really quick as we get ready to conclude and wrap up but I want to say something to the parents that are partnered with us that didn't get to watch out for those warning signs your job's not finished and it wasn't a mistake and I know it hurts cuz I don't know what it's like to lose a child just thinking about knowing some of the people that are on this podcast that support us that have lost a loved one through addiction and they couldn't rescue them in their weakest moments God is utilizing something for the greater good and it's stirring up something in you to be not just a superhero in somebody else's life but for you to understand that God works all things together for the good of those that love him according to his purpose we don't understand the mind of God but one thing I do know is that God is Sovereign and he's in control and he has the ability to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we can ask or think oh you got a drink awesome baby and so yeah my little girl just came in here but yeah it's it's a beautiful thing and so I just want to encourage you as a parent oh you got some juice yeah Daddy's going to be there in a little bit yeah there you go yeah that's awesome yeah just encourage you guys just to have the hope that you need yeah snail yeah you found a snail okay my kids just bringing snails yeah it's all good man it's been a good conversation yeah man I for those outside go outside that sorry no you're good he's making bus in the house for those that are watching we just want to thank you for jumping in and on joining the conversation and I think Rob and I were talking a little bit about trying to do more content aimed because we realized we took a look at the people following us on social and realized that there were a lot of family members out there and so we want to start putting some encouraging content together to help those of you who are walking with the addict and maybe just not an addiction and really serving you guys and if you're following along and you see this don't hesitate to drop a con comment and let us know what type of content you want and also if you have a prayer need we put a form on our website you can go to the website I'll drop the link in the comments submit your prayer requests whether that be for you or for a loved one we just love the opportunity to pray for you and when you do that we also have a free freebie it's got 12 prayers that you can pray walking through addiction or walking through addiction with your loved ones man rob good conversation thanks for jumping on and doing this again it's always a blast absolutely bro love you man we love you guys and I'm so excited to see what the Lord does because guys it's only because of you that we're able to do what we do and so we thank you for your continued support and just loving us and sharing the page so love you guys