Faith, Recovery, and Finding Acceptance: Tyler Graeff's Story

The Journey of Acceptance and Validation

The thing that just kind of hit my mind as you're asking that was acceptance, you know, and looking for validation in others who can accept me and who can like me. And there's been so much like the thing is like we can look at like from a program side of things in teen challenge. Like, of course, there's so much growth in things and monumental accomplishments that you make and you have while you're in the program. My Lord, like, and I'm sure you guys, you know, years into this thing too, can agree. It's like so much growth happens when real life happens, you know, when you have a family, when you get married, when you're serving and you're connected to community or, you know, different trials and crises come along the way.

My Struggles with Addiction and Early Recovery

But yeah, my story started, man. Like I started pursuing recovery before I started pursuing Christ. So I was the guy that tried, like, after high school. I mean, when I had a full-on drug and alcohol problem, I started seeking help in my early 20s, like even as early as 19 years old. I realized I had a problem. So I was going to AA meetings and I was pursuing clinical counseling and psychologists and, you know, going into different residential treatment programs. I went into a couple programs before I went into Teen Challenge in January of 2016. Every time, man, like I realized I had a problem, and I realized that, you know, I was in this vicious cycle of relapse and, you know, falling on my face, getting arrested, you know, going and having to be on prescribed all kinds of different medicines. Doctors told me I'd have to take medication the rest of my life just to be normal because of childhood trauma. And that's like a whole other part of my story.

The Impact of Childhood Trauma

You know, it's just like what kind of led me to, you know, start using drugs and alcohol, and that was based upon, you know, a lot of hurt and trauma from the past, you know, and a lot of wounds that took place at an early age and growing up in a dysfunctional home and family. Being that my dad was an alcoholic, uncles were alcoholics. My mom was adopted, and both of her birth parents were drug addicts and alcoholics. I mean, like I have this notion as a little kid, like I can't drink or I can't do drugs because more than likely I'm going to become, you know, my dad or I'm going to become somebody who struggles. But high school came, you know, and I began to experiment to the point where, by the time I was a senior in high school, man, I tried pretty much every drug that was out there. In that phase, I was a regular marijuana smoker and started drinking and partying.

A Reckless Downward Spiral

Once I fell out of college is when, like, you know, narcotics really got a hold of my life and I started really doing a lot of opiates and, you know, cocaine and things like that. At that point, once I fell into the trap of an opiate addiction, like my life just got reckless and got out of control so quick. So I was extreme in nature, like I would kind of just have one drink or smoke a little bit of pot. I mean, everything that I did was extreme in nature. But after going through a couple of different programs and things like that, not really processing things that were going on in my life, like when I was 21 or 22, which is actually the age that PTSD manifests in young adult males, PTSD actually manifested in my life.

Facing the Depths of Despair

For a period of two years, I went through flashbacks to trauma that I experienced. I was dealing with suicidal thoughts and depression to a magnitude that I never felt before. I quickly began just on this path of like, I was either going to die from an overdose or I was going to die from suicide because of like the pain that I felt inside. I was 25 years old, and I thank God that I met Him when I did at 25, but I was 25 years old. And I was actually in South Florida of all places close to where I'm at serving the Lord today, in Fort Lauderdale, Pompano Beach line in the program. As an extended care facility, one that was for dual diagnosis, like depression and drug and alcohol addiction.

Finding Hope in Teen Challenge

I remember just laying in the bed of that facility and I was like, man, I'm just like so sick of this cycle of in and out of programs, so sick of getting arrested, so sick of the medication, you name it. And through that dialogue that I was having with myself, like the words Teen Challenge came to my mind. I was like, what's Teen Challenge? And I was reminded of the first program I went to when I was 19 or 20 years old. I used to be a two-pack-a-day smoker. I was walked by two guys sitting on a bench. One guy said to the other, "They're trying to send me to Teen Challenge, a year-long program." And this was like five years later, so I realized in that moment there was no reason why I should have remembered that.

The Call to Change Direction

But I recognized that it had to have been this God or a God that spoke that to me. It made no logical sense why I remembered a conversation. That's like me going to Walmart and overhearing a conversation, walking into a door. But as quick as you hear that, as quick as it's gone, you know? But the Lord decided to use that as a seed, and that's what led me to Sanford Teen Challenge in January of 2016. When I told this program, I was like, I want to go to Teen Challenge. They were like, man, you don’t want to go to Teen Challenge. That's the Christian program. You won’t be able to smoke cigarettes or that and the other. I was like, listen, if it means just for me to, you know, I’ll stop all that today if it means me getting into that program.

A Transformational Encounter with God

I left it all behind and went into Sanford Teen Challenge. It was just my second week of the program that, you know, I met the Lord. It was during a time of worship and praise in the chapel. At the time, it was carpeted. I remember walking down to the front and hitting my knees on that carpet and just said, "Jesus, you know, I need you to come into my life and forgive me of my sins and ask You to come into my heart." And in that moment, I met the presence of God and I just cried. It was the first time I cried and what felt like was probably honestly years.

The Power of Forgiveness

And guys in the program came up. They laid hands on me and prayed. That was when I actually felt the love of God demonstrated through people. So it was my second week in the program, man, that I met the Lord. We were fortunate enough that we had a men's God encounter come through my first month in the program from a church called Faith Assembly. I remember one of the most powerful moments of it was like a forgiveness exercise that they walked people through. That was when I learned how to forgive those that hurt me growing up.

Healing from Trauma

This all happened in like my first 30 days, you know, miracle, right? But man, I had unforgiveness in my heart and I was instantly healed of PTSD incidentally, like not taking any medication. You know, I haven't had a flashback to trauma. And in that moment, through the power of forgiveness, God healed me from PTSD, like where I could have a conversation like this at any time. And I was loving, like having a flashback to stuff I went through as a kid, you know?

The Call to Ministry

I stayed with the ministry and Teen Challenge since then. I felt the call of God like probably my fifth month in the program. My call is not Teen Challenge, and I think that's unique. Like I'm at the point, like in my recovery journey or my walk with Christ, it's like, "Lord, you know, however you want to use me, you can use me." And I would be curious to hear you elaborate on. You kind of what shifted there. You know, was it peer pressure? Was it relationships? A struggle to fit in? Like what were you pursuing? You know, the outlaw was one part of it, right? But what were you really pursuing in that moment when you started using it?

The Search for Acceptance

I would say acceptance at the end of the day. I think it came from a father wound, honestly. You know, a lot of my hurt had to do with like, you know, an absent father or an abusive father and things to that nature. So the thing that just kind of hit my mind as you were asking that was acceptance, you know, and looking for validation in others. Not really, even at that time of my life, not really knowing my identity, right? Like I'm a teenager just trying to figure out life and I didn't know Christ.

The Impact of Community and Connection

So like, obviously that's our firm foundation as believers, our identities are in Christ, but at that time, I didn't know the Lord. I was looking for validation. I was looking for acceptance in all the wrong places. Even in middle school, I mean, I went through a period of time of like some bullying and things like that. I had friends who were like the video game guys, you know? We played sports and had fun, but wasn't necessarily like in the quote-unquote, like cool crowd, if you will. And then when high school came, that like carried over and I had friends, right? Like they were good people, and actually some of them were Christians, but there was still like this drive of like trying to discover who I am, like who can I become, you know, who can accept me and who can like me.

The Escalation of Drug Use

It just, man, it was like before I knew it, it was probably like my junior year of high school. It's like, man, like some of my friends from middle school that weren't necessarily my friends kind of came back into my life. They were the ones that were really successful in sports, and that was like, you know, a lot of the guys that were partying at the time. So I went out and started partying, and that was when just, I mean, the first time then things escalated and I knew I had a problem. But I was that little kid that said, like, I can't touch this stuff or else I'm going to become just like who my dad is. Like I just knew it deep inside of me. Maybe it was a warning that God put in me as a child, you know, like that I can't do this.

Seeking Identity in the Wrong Places

I don't know, but it was definitely the acceptance and looking for validation in all the wrong places. It speaks to how much we really crave being known, you know, being loved. One of the things that we've really been hitting on in these conversations is the value of community and, you know, the desire to be known and to be accepted. You can like override any fear that you had to be becoming what you were afraid of becoming, right? That's how strong that longing for community and connection is.

Conversations About the Past

And I know Roblin's about to ask a question, but before I give it over to him, what era of video games were you in? It was NES, Sega, like Halo? Hey, like you were talking like the original Xbox. Okay. So like Halo, you know, like where you had like, you got the two consoles together and you could like connect them so you could have X amount of screens up with that era for sure. Okay. I was, I was an N64 person. So we would get down on the original GoldenEye, you know? That was the first model shooter game, man. Brothers and all that stuff. That game was epic.

Deep Desire for Acceptance

Yeah, that game was epic. But go ahead. Yeah. I feel like so disconnected right now because I didn't play video games. Like I have this system, but I never used it. You know, it's interesting that you're saying what you're saying Tyler because you become what you behold. And so where I, what I'm hearing as I listen to you is the deep desire to be like your father. And from a spiritual perspective, we desire to be like the one that created us, right? He tells us to be like Him.

The Father Wound

So you saw your father, you saw the image of your earthly father, which was nothing that you wanted to be. But the fact that you had the abuse and the abandonment from him, the lack of acceptance from him, you had a period of your life where you were like, man, I don't want this. But yet at the same time, it's almost like you fell down this path of addiction because you thought in your mind almost, "Hey, look, if I do this, maybe my dad will also look at me, maybe he'll validate me, maybe he'll take me in."

Navigating Relationships with Family

And I could be wrong in my thought, but as I listen to people's stories, man, where I get the most intrigued is looking at people's past and seeing the younger years and how it's affected them. So like, maybe you can speak on this a little bit, but like, where's your relationship with your father now if you have that? And how have you learned to navigate through receiving the acceptance of your heavenly Father rather than being validated by your earthly father?

The Fragile Nature of Father-Son Relationships

Yeah, that's good. There was, I would say, with what you're describing, there was definitely a portion of time in the very early on of my 20s, is like when a relationship started to potentially be there with my dad. It was actually formed on common ground that I got hired at a pest control company. And my dad was a pest control technician. So that was like our thing that bridged the gap of communication.

Rebuilding Connections

So I could call my dad and have conversations about that, and it's an indoor for conversation. However, that was short-lived in the fact that at that same time, I was an alcoholic as well. I lost my license from a DUI in 2012 and my license was my job to get into this work truck and get to different customers, residential and commercial. So I lost that job in that time. I mean, even at that period of time, I felt like, man, like a sense of worth. I'm doing something productive. I'm the guy that's coming into people's houses and helping to solve a problem.

The Breaking Point

I felt important. But addiction otherwise took me down another path. And so did then at that point, any potential relationship with my dad. So the last time up and still right before I came into Teen Challenge, my dad and I, there's no kind of relationship today. But I was in a crack motel, just got evicted out of an apartment that I was selling drugs in. I moved into a pay-by-the-week motel and I blacked out for an entire week on Xanax. I woke up with like my face that's close to the mattress and I was wearing glasses that were like kind of flipped, so it prevented my face from suffocating.

The Turning Point

I remember taking a deep breath, looking around me, and I'm like looking at drug bags, these needle caps, and empty liquor bottles. I find my phone, it's almost dead underneath the bed. And it says the date a week later than what I remember last. I lost an entire week. And that was like my point where like I was like man, like I'm not going to live. Like things are really, really bad. It was actually my dad who found me down this crack motel. And my mom dropped me off at that first treatment facility that I shared about, the seed of Teen Challenge being.

Seeking Restoration

So then, my dad and I's relationship today, man, even like there's been so much like the thing is like we can like look at like from a program side of things in Teen Challenge. Like, of course, there's so much growth and things and monumental accomplishments that you make and you have while you're in the program. But my Lord, like, you know, I'm sure you guys, you know, years into this thing too, can agree. It's like so much growth happens when real life happens, you know, when you have a family, when you get married, when you're serving and you're connected to community or, you know, different trials and crises come along the way.

Family Connections Post-Recovery

And after I graduated Teen Challenge, I saw a relationship with my mother. Great, right? Like it was the best relationship that I had up until that point, and it was founded in Christ now. Relationship with my sister started to come aboard and I had that hope like, well man, my dad, you know, like there's hope for restoration there for my father. But even like when I was a student in Teen Challenge, I’d try calling him and then I guess he blocked the Teen Challenge number.

The Challenge of Reconciliation

I think like, or my cell phone after I graduated. But I was asking, you know, I was like, "Hey, just want to reach out, you know, I'm doing good, you know, I just want to touch base with you, share what God's doing in my life, you know?" And I had that hope and drive for restoration. Finally, he responded to a letter that I wrote and called me. We had like three conversations that were pretty good, and then there’s in this letter, just be super vulnerable. I let him know that I forgave him, but then I also apologize for things that I even did in my mess in my addiction.

Owning My Past

Like, I broke into his house and was about to steal all of his guns, and somebody that I was with stole a piece of jewelry from his house unbeknownst to me. But again, it was like at that period of time, we were like blacked out and just in some stupid stuff until next year, right? And that was something that I said some things to my dad on the telephone that really were cut through and hurt, right? And he brought that up in our third conversation like, "Hey, like I hear these things, but there are still some things we need to talk about."

The Difficult Path to Healing

And I was like, "What do you mean? Like, you know, how can we talk this through? You know, I'm sorry, you know, taking ownership. Like how can I make this right?" Like going through the process of the men's at that point, I didn’t hear from him for a while, but I saw him one time since I've gotten saved and that was he has cancer right now. So that's a whole another story. He's got terminal cancer that they say is incurable, but he's actually been alive for like the last seven or eight years.

Recognizing New Relationships

So I believe God's grace and mercy on his life keeping him alive. But I saw him at a nursing home when my nanny was about to pass away. We went and saw her, and she was in like the late stages of like dementia or early stages where she was a little bit confused and recognized people. But as I left, she looked at me and she was like, "All right, Tyler." And I was like, "Yes!" I was like, "My nanny recognized me. Got to say goodbye." And as we're walking out of that nursing home, my dad walked in, I had no clue he was coming out.

Small Steps Towards Reconciliation

But my dad walked in with my grandfather. My grandfather comes up and he's like, "Hey, how's it going?" I said, "Good, you know, I’ve just had seen the last visit. You know, God restored that relationship with my grandparents." He said, "Where do you live?" And I was like, "Columbus, Georgia. I'm working up at our regional office, yada yada yada." My dad's listening, and finally, like my dad comes up and it was so weird, it was like as a father should embrace the son, like I embraced my dad.

A Spiritual Breakthrough

I just gave him the biggest hug while I held on to him, and I, it was like I almost felt like something break in the spirit. But now that it's been a couple years since that happened, I really believe it was affirmation that like I have genuinely forgiven him and that I've done everything that I could to pursue relationship and reconciliation. But that's a relationship today that I actually don’t have. I got married, you know? I invited him to my wedding. We got married at the height of COVID, which was a long time ago for a year wedding to transpire.

The Pain of Family Disconnect

But my God, I got engaged, right? I sent him some pictures. He said, "Congratulations." Then I reached out and said, "Hey, just want to let you know my wedding invitations also going to include my pap." Didn’t hear anything. Then it was like, "Hey Dad, we ended up getting married," and sent pictures and nothing. Like no congratulations, no phone call, and that's been now a period of three years.

Personal Growth Amidst Pain

Wow, to him. So but through that process, like, you know, like that feeling of like maybe like losing hope, or like wanting to give up or just saying, you know what? Like we're even being like angry with God like, why isn't this relationship restored? Like I have such a peace about it and like knowing that I've done everything that I can. And these almost eight years of walking and serving the Lord and walking in recovery and repentance in my life that, you know, I have a genuine peace, you know?

Understanding the Heavenly Father

And I pray for my dad every day, but really I really grow in the last couple years of like knowing who my heavenly father is, you know? And that he is not my earthly father in the hurts that I've even experienced from my dad on this earth. You know, they're inconsequential compared to the love that my heavenly father has for me and, you know, that's my dad, you know?

Remaining Committed to Recovery

Yeah, it's been a journey in that retrospect, but I'm glad it rambled too long on that. But it's like layers, you know? So no man, you're so the process of reconciliation and whatnot, right? The work that you put in there. I imagine, I mean, that's not been easy, you know? I mean, it's not an easy process to walk through. But like, how vital was that? So Tyler, just out of curiosity, since Teen Challenge, have you relapsed at all or have you stayed the course?

Maintaining Sobriety

No, I stayed the course, thank God. I mean, yeah, I mean there have been opportunities maybe that I could have or places in my life like where I was really down and out and struggling where I may have turned to. But man, it’s been God's mercy on my life that I haven't. Even since I was like, I snuck cigarettes as a student, like up until my fifth month of the program. But I haven't even touched a cigarette, you know, since graduating Teen Challenge or drank or used any drugs.

God's Plans for the Future

It's just a miracle, man, really. Well, what's kind of cool about this is with my wife Lauren, she actually, all the way back to when she was a student, she had a desire to direct a Teen Challenge program. Oh wow! So this is like, yeah, this is an answer. Come on to you! This is awesome! Yeah, so it's an awesome assignment. But yes, so not only did the Lord fulfill that desire, but He did it like exceedingly above anything she could ask or think.

Navigating Challenges in Ministry

So since COVID, I worked in ministry pre-COVID and after that season, I remember hearing stories from my parents that, man, they went through a lot of craziness, like having to isolate students, having to lock things down and all of that. And people just collectively went through some craziness with all the stuff we were all facing. All the fear and, you know, everything that was just going on. And I'm just curious from where you sit now as a director, you know, seeing students come into programs, working with students up in Baltimore even during that season, like have you seen any changes? I mean, is the addiction, is it, you know, is it pretty much the same as it has been, or are you seeing changes in people that are reaching out for help?

The Emotional Impact of COVID-19

Did that impact any of that at all in your perspective? Yeah, absolutely. I would say COVID plus just the last couple of years, we're seeing like a more highly charged emotionally driven people than ever before. So I think even this generation that's coming up and the generation of students that are now coming in through the Teen Challenge doors are those that require much more grace and mercy than ever before. I think Teen Challenge in the past at the cost of myself, I don't knock this, you know, every program's a little bit different.

Individualized Discipleship Approach

But at least in my what the words really challenged Lauren and I, and even what we like grew up in through and like up in Baltimore was just really learning how to be patient and tear with people. And then understanding the concept that like discipleship is individual. So oftentimes we can have this idea and this cookie cutter image of what a Teen Challenge graduate should look like. Man, you should have this figured out by this point in order to graduate. You have to look like this or be saying that, exactly. You have this cookie cutter image, right?

Embracing Individual Growth

But learning that like, man, everybody's stage of growth and their growth in the Lord looks a little bit different. So we really tried to take discipleship from like an individual side of things, and that's like what the generation else crying out for. It's like individualism. So it’s like, man, like of course discipleship can be individualized. Like, of course, you have policies and you have procedures in place, like in systems there for protection and things like that.

A Shift in Perspective on Treatment

But you know, rather than the first thing that you think of is like, man, we got to kick Bobby Joe out of the program because of this, it's like, well, slowing down as like a leader and being like, well, could you blame what happened in the situation from somebody that's been walking with God for two months or just been delivered from drugs now for six months? You know what happened? But really just slowing down, you know, and having more of like a grace-based approach.

The Current State of Addiction

The students now, man, people are just so broken, so lost and hurting and emotionally driven. But the good news of it all is that even though it's more intense and I think it's harder than ever before in this kind of a faith-based context to minister to people, the message doesn't change. Yeah, the message is the same. You know, Jesus, no matter what somebody's coming from or the hurts and the things that they've encountered in life, like the hope of the gospel remains the same.

Hope in the Midst of Darkness

It might just require a little bit more work and ministering it or helping lead people to that truth, but really just knowing like, you know, God's in the details and He can do anything, like He still saves, delivers, and heals today, you know? But it's harder. Like even up in Baltimore, man, like we have people overdosing on the streets when we're out there ministering, having to shoot people with Narcan. Like literally the level of addiction that we see today, it's crushing, and it's hard. And it's, I don't think something that we've ever seen to this degree before.

The Increase of Addiction Post-COVID

Yeah, I read some of the numbers that they did some studies post-COVID of where the addiction rates went up. And it's astronomical. It astonishes me that like, I don't want to get political, but it's just part of the conversation that when Purdue and these other companies were being sued, addiction was sexy to talk about. Everybody was talking about opioid addiction. And now people are dying on fentanyl.

The Need for Awareness and Action

But through the roof, the numbers are crazy and it's not politically expedient for anybody to talk about it. And it breaks my heart because these people are my friends. You know, I see myself in their shoes and it's just like, you know, it’s like, yeah, it’s heartbreaking. You know, we see these numbers and we see it blowing up. And, man, I, yeah, that makes the hope of the gospel that much more real, I believe, you know?

Honoring the Work of Recovery

And appreciate what people like yourself are doing, Tyler, man, to just remain faithful, eight years and just wherever the Lord calls, you're saying yes. And I really honor that in you, man. I appreciate you sharing your heart and being vulnerable about your own story but even just how God is using you today.

How to Seek Help

And so for anybody that might pop one if they need help, they have a loved one, a female that needs to reach out for help, how can they contact your Teen Challenge center and get some help? Yeah, absolutely. So we're located down here in Davy, Florida. We sit on two acres. It's a beautiful campus and it's such an honor and a privilege, you know, to serve here.

A Unique Approach to Healing

But I will say like one of the things that sets our program apart right now is like there's a lot of time for the spiritual side of like the program, like for a lot of mentoring and discipleship and things like that that happens. So we're located here in Davy and we hold up to 16 ladies, and right now we have eight in the program. So we are looking to fill more beds and things like that. The website's teenchallenge.cc, and our regional admissions number is 866-563-0497.

Connecting Those in Need

And the cool thing is with the original admissions department, they can help plug somebody into the right program. Then you can also request like if you wanted to send your loved one to Davy T.C., they would do everything that they can to accommodate and send them down here. So, but we love the Lord, you know? We're seeing God move here on campus, and He's doing a very unique and special thing here. We're very thankful to be here.

Final Thoughts and Parting Words

So that's amazing. Rob, did you have anything to know? I know that we're wrapping over on time, so I want to be very respectful for your time. Tyler, if there's one last thing, your parting words, what would you share with somebody that's listening, whether it's a family member, maybe somebody that's struggling in addiction? What would you leave them with?

A Message of Hope

Yeah, just leave them with this, just that there's hope for the situation. You know, whether that's yourself if you find yourself in a relapse or a loved one that's struggling. You know, just know that there's hope for your situation and no matter how daunting or scary things might seem, you know, just knowing that even today God is still in the business of rescuing and delivering people from drug and alcohol addiction. And there's hope for your situation, and just don't underestimate the power of prayer and God to move in the situation of yourself or a loved one.

Structure and Compassion

Amen, amen, so good. Well, thanks so much for your time. Yeah, thank you. Really appreciate it. And for those watching, you know, again, you can check out Teen Challenge Southeast. Tyler's out of Davy, Florida, but if you know somebody that needs help or you're just, you know, not sure what to do or where the next steps are, that's a great place to reach out to. And again, man, thanks so much for being here.