Finding Strength Through Faith and Family: Rebuilding Life After Addiction

Opening Up to Hope

When we open up to Him, God comes in. And now I have hope. Yeah. Now I know I can be better. I know I can be better. You know, that life of restoration came and we say we might know what we need. But in reality, God knows what we need best.

Well, I just want to welcome everybody to another episode of Rebuilding Life on. I'm here with my friend Rico. And man, we're excited to sit down and talk. Man, we've known each other for what? Well, 13 years. Yeah, man. So maybe as we start, you know, this podcast is focused on rebuilding life after addiction, right? The whole aim is once the Lord gets ahold of your life, kind of that process of rebuilding and really just putting our lives in our in His hands.

Discovering Purpose in Christ

And man, my biggest heart for people is to really help people discover their purpose, right? And find their purpose that's in Christ because I know that when an individual gets ahold of that, they tend to have a track record for longer-term sobriety and freedom because they live in that new life. So on, maybe just start out, man, by introducing yourself, you know, share a little bit of your backstory. You don't have to go into the whole thing if you don't want to. But just a little bit of your backstory, some context, and then we'll learn. We'll just see where the conversation goes.

The Struggles of Addiction

Yeah, cool, cool. Well, you know, I'll be 37 on April 16. So I'm excited to be old, but in knowledge, of course. But no, I mean, right now, as you were mentioning, what this podcast is about. I've been a witness of some of the episodes that I've watched from this podcast. It is awesome to be part of it. It is awesome to be here.

It's the first time I'm ever in a podcast. So hopefully, I don't ruin it for you. Yeah, so, but I'm grateful, man. I think I've told you this before, you know, I'm honored and blessed to be able to be alive, to be alive and witness, you know, everything that God has done, you know, ever since I came into the program, like about 13 years ago. And what life has been, you know, a lot of times in ministry, out of ministry, you know, in the world and apart from Christ, you know, like with Christ and apart from it, you know, there is one thing that, as you were speaking, contemplating and just listening to the Spirit, saying that it is all about our identity, you know, and Christ, you know, and, you know, and before coming to the Lord and before acknowledging and saying, like, hey, God, like, I need help.

Confronting Brokenness

You know, I was broken, I was hopeless, I was lost. And if there was one thing that I can recall and remember was, you know, just to cry out at four in the morning, after a long night of partying, drinking, and smoking and just losing myself, you know, to kind of fade away at everything that I was dealing with and just contemplating so many other things. But inside of me, there was something that at the moment, I didn't know what it was. And it was just crying out, you know, for help.

And it was just confronting the fact that if there was a God, you know, I needed to be real for my life. Yeah. You know, and when those words came out of my mouth, and I was able to speak in a certain way to God and say, if you're real, make yourself real to me. You know, let me feel you. Let me know who you are.

The Road to Identity

So tell me a little bit about what led up to that path, right? Where you're in this moment of decision, you're calling out to God, you know, what was your life looking like at that point? I mean, you know, Teen Challenge, right? It's a substance abuse, drug, and alcohol program. So what were some of the things that you were battling on the list, you know, that had led you to this place where you felt like you didn't know who you were, you know?

It was more of like, you know, at a certain age, you know, when I was younger, of course, being pushed away from being even part of something in church and, you know, and being pushed away. And at a young age, you know, it set a whole different path, you know, where I would go to church, I would just sit and chill and, you know, so be it, whatever, you know, nothing really special. But it was more of, you know, just kind of like letting myself go to, you know, the parties and, you know, and, of course, the smoking and, you know, the drinking here and there, but it became more heavy after, you know, we have a saying that is our first relationship, you know, as when you're intimate with another person, you know, with a woman, and it's your first ever relationship.

The Impact of Relationships

And you fall in love deeply, you know, with that person, it can ruin, it can change your life for good. And I think that was part of what led to more of, like, the loneliness part, you know, and not being able to have what I once had, you know, and never really understanding, you know, that God had something better for me, you know, and that He was actually real.

Yeah. So there was a female and that whole party lifestyle that you developed a deep connection with. Was it the lifestyle of addiction and whatnot that kind of blew that relationship up or? Yeah, it was literally like, before we, you know, before you met the person, you know, you have a certain lifestyle where you go out, you party, you drink, you smoke, you know, and then when you meet this person, you try to change for that person, right? Not really change for who, you know, who you really want to be, you know, and not in somebody else's eye, but in God's eye.

Seeking True Connection

And I think that was the definition of, you know, of seeking somebody else instead of seeking the Source, you know, which is, you know, Ashley and I are working on a course right now, and I'll drop the link in the description for those who are watching, but we're going to be doing a relationships and recovery course. And one of the things that I remember when I met Ashley, and it almost sounded rude at first, she was like, you know, I'm whole without you. And it's like, well, excuse me, you know, you need me, you know, but it was like that whole process of like if we're not confident in who we are as people first, no human is going to fill that emptiness inside of us.

You know, and so like one of the things that we want to cover through this relationship course, we're doing this four-part course, we're going to walk through what it looked like to get confident in our identity first. Because I think sometimes we do a disservice to the woman or the person or significant other, right? If we are not clear on who we are and we're not clear on who we want. And it really is selfishness to marry somebody into that when we're lost and confused. You know, if you're already married, that's a different story. You sort that out and figure it out. But if you're not married yet, and you're just simply impatient, right? And you haven't figured out who you are yet, figuring out what you want, why would we think it's a good idea to bring a family into that, you know?

The Journey of Self-Discovery

And because the whole family's just going to absorb all of our confusion and all of our identity struggles. So man, let's talk about that whole identity piece a little bit, right? Yeah, yeah, so after all that happened, of course, you come to that brokenness and the crying out for help. And of course, you find what you're looking for, which is when you ask, you will receive, you know? So He put everything in my heart and laid the things that I asked for for me to feel, for me to see and hear. And even people to reach out to be able to help.

And I guess, you know, going to a church who fed me, you know, who fed me love, who fed me, you know, the kindness, the love, the mercy, you know, the grace that, you know, that I needed. Yeah. And so that, you know, that moved me into, and to say to myself, like, now I have hope. Yeah. Now, I know I can be better. I know I can be better.

Unpacking Lies About Identity

And so that, you know, that life of restoration came and of course, you know, Teen Challenge came in. And I was set apart from everything else, you know, just to myself and God, you know. What lies did you have to unpack about who you thought you were? Just honestly, it was a lot of pride. Okay. You know, a lot of pride and being able to say, like, I need to just be who I am and be confident enough that if I do, you know, that if I do mess up, there is somebody there to help me walk through.

And I think that not having the self-confidence of who I was and then realizing, because I'm doing this, because I'm seeking God, then now I know who I can be. Yeah. That's great. And so I struggled with, you know, just being, you know, having a self-esteem that it didn't matter if I was alone, you know, I was with somebody, you know, that somebody was with me.

The Role of Humility

That's really good. And just afraid of end up alone, you know, and not having somebody that actually cared. Yeah. And that pride is a big one to break down. I think that some more constantly fight was, you know, as fleshly humans may have pride, just, it starts to creep in in subtle ways, you know, but like that whole concept of God gives, you know, opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. And what was that process like, right? Like if we humble ourselves under the Lord, He'll lift us up, right?

And what did that look like for you? Like how did the Lord break your pride down or how did you decide to lay your pride down? Maybe it's one in the same, you know, but what specifically contributed to breaking your pride down? It really happened when, when, you know, of course being in the program, it really happened, you know, when I said, I want to be different, you know, I don't want to go back to my own ways. Like I don't, I don't, I want to love somebody else besides myself, you know, like I want to know what that means and the caring for somebody else, the being, you know, the having the attention for helping somebody else, you know, for being there for somebody else, you know, rather than myself, myself, myself.

The Power of Obedience

That's right. And, you know, when you become aware of what is it that is blocking you from listening to God and you open up to Him and you say, look, Lord, I, here I am. And I'm dealing with this and I don't want it anymore. Right. I want it, I don't want to be prideful. Yeah. You know, I don't want to be arrogant, you know, I want to be humble, I want to, I want to do this when they ask me to do something, I want to do it out of love, like out of appreciation, out of the mercy and grace that you have for me. Right.

And so, you know, when that happened, when I opened up to God, it was me opening up to Him and saying, like, I'm dealing with this and I want this to be a wafer, like, I want this to be gone. Right. And so, you know, when we open up to Him and we become comfortable to accept who we don't want to be. Right. But who we rather be, then God comes in and He lays that on you, like, He places that inside your heart, you know, He works on your mind and allows you to hear the Holy Spirit, you know, begin to minister to you and say, look, now I'm going to show you, you know, and when that ever, when that really strong hit me was during a service, you know, with the Teen Challenge.

Embracing Humility in Serving

And I always did what you, everybody else asked me to do, but in the heart was never right, you know, in the mind, I was always fighting, like by why me, but why me, you know, but when God came in, I was able to feel that urge, you know, and that's when I remember this clearly because I came to you and I said, look, Pastor, just please let me, let me clean the whole altar, let me clean the whole church.

Yeah. Because the Spirit in that moment was working in me and was ministering to me that I needed to be humble, you know, that I needed to be humble for me to be able to continue, you know, my journey, continue to learn not just from you guys as leaders, but also from Him, right? Because if I cannot be humble enough to listen to you guys, right, how can I be humble enough to listen to the most high?

The Beauty of Marital Unity

Yeah, a lot of people, I think, man, have a hard time with that, understanding that life. But there's a process, man, of obedience that God, and actually not talk about this so much, man, like this process of obedience to the Lord. And for me as well, it is started learning how to be obedient to the leaders that God had put in front of me and that was not an easy process, you know, because like, what can this do to form me? I came here to know from Jesus. I came here to learn from Jesus, not him, you know, and on.

And I think sometimes though, man, there are leaders who have abused their authority. And so especially when you've lived in the drug and alcohol lifestyle, man, I remember being pulled over so many times for, you know, I smell marijuana. No, you don't smell anything, you know, and taking advantage of this already that they had, you know, and dealing with some of that stuff. And so bringing some of those mindsets about authority into my relationship with God and into my relationship with Godly leaders, having to work through a lot of that and learn that man, there was a lesson to be learned in humiliating obedience to people, which as you just said, would open my mind to be able to hear a little more clearly from God.

Transformation Through Marriage

What is it in the scripture where I'm, was it Saul, right, that went out and the Lord told him to obliterate everything? And yet he brings back the sheep as a sacrifice and he's like, what did I tell you to do, Saul? He's like, nothing. He's like, no, I hear the bleeding of the sheep. I hear the sound of the sheep and that's where that verse, obedience is better than sacrifice. Saul responds and says, well, I was going to sacrifice these for you God and God's like, well, that's not what I asked you to do. I asked you to destroy everything.

And man, that's such a powerful, powerful lesson. So walking through those seasons of obedience, the Lord starting to work on your heart, makes you humble, you're hearing from Him. He starts to restore, maybe gives you a new identity, a confidence in Christ. So that's fast forward. We don't have a ton of time to see me. But like now years later, Teen Challenge, God's done a lot in your life. You're married.

The Journey of Marriage

Tell us about the journey of meeting your now wife because that was a big breaking point for you back then. Yeah, yeah. And now God has given you a wife and children. So talk to us about that a little bit, man. Yeah, so that was another part that was still there. That was here. I was like, we got to get to that one. It's been great. Marriages are never perfect. But I think that when you're walking with the Lord and you have become into that obedience year after year, as God allows us to live, finding now my wife for eight years who has given me three beautiful children, a seven-year-old and a set of twins of six years old.

So I can't be any more grateful to say how grateful I am to be able to now have my wife who has also been a stepping stone for me because iron sharpens iron. And we were talking about this with her two nights ago. And we were saying, how can we not be better if we have each other? We're definitely going to be able to get better every day because we are irons, and we sharpen each other. And I'm able to humble myself even more. After eight years, being able to listen to her more, being able to hear her more and be aware of more of her needs than mine.

The Dynamics of a God-Centered Marriage

So there is a huge journey that we're in. But through all this, married for eight years, grateful, happy, and all, I mean, there is no worse. There is no worse to describe the season that we're in now and how God has showed up in every single way in every single area in our lives. And I told my wife yesterday that God is more than all of us put together because if we go back to who we were, we don't deserve. But He says He has a plan. And He has a purpose in that He loves us before anything.

How did I bring in that humility and that confidence that you had in your identity and who you were in Christ after getting things together at TC, walking to that journey? I mean, from your relationship experience years back, so bringing the new man into your now marriage. I mean, how did that shift the dynamic when you guys met? Yeah. It was very awkward, right? Because I mean, when we first met, I have a mentality of God. That's all I need is you and going into a youth camp and praying to Him, praying to God and saying, look, I don't want to put my eyes on nobody. I don't want to look at nobody. I just want to get to know you more. I want to experience you more.

Building a Stronger Relationship

And then out of the blue, you end up looking and taking a picture and then looking back into that picture and saying, I want to know her. And then months later, you connect and you go to her church and preach and to the youth and you see her and you start to connect. And you start to connect in so many different levels of not just the, not just, oh, I'm interested. No, first is I want to know what you know about the one that I'm knowing, God. And it was that, like that at first, who was talking about the Bible, reading the Bible, praying and just finding out her passion, her desires for the Lord.

And then, of course, a time after that, God places the need to share my feelings and both of us to start sharing our feelings and then connecting in more of a relationship level of me meeting her family more, hanging out more. And then finally, marriage, and that's I think that was one of the best moments of my life because we say we might know what we need, but in reality, God knows what we need best.

Embracing God’s Design

And I feel like from when I met her to where we are now, I feel like she was the right one. Yeah, that God already had for me, you know? Yeah, that's a big thing, man. I mean, so your role is husband, right? There's a lot of conversation I think people have about, you know, gender roles and biblical marriage and, you know, what the role of that has been versus what the role of the wife is. And so, I mean, we know the scripture says a lot, right?

And I heard somebody say a long time ago that a lot of men want the title, but not the job description, you know? And a lot of men want the title of head of household, leader in the home, whatever that might be, you know? And you can dig into all the details in the scripture around that. But when we really break down marriage, it is core. Like, we're to love our wives as Christ loved the church. That means being willing to die, you know? I mean, that's the heaviness of it. Like, I'm willing to die to myself, to my dreams, my plans, you know, all of that.

The Epic Journey of Sacrifice

And surrender my life for the sake of my wife. And if my wife comes into the marriage with the same mindset, and we're both like in a competition and a battle to see who can out-serve one another, talk about the joy. And that's my wife as a man. She's a servant. Yeah. Like, but then vice versa, like not that she's, you know, I hear washing my feet. I didn't mean that way, if she sees us, I'll get in trouble for that. But man, how have you managed to keep your pride at bay in marriage?

Yeah, it's, it's been, I mean, it's, it's definitely, you know, it's definitely been, you know, different and a child and more challenging. Because like I, I have shared with my wife, and just recently, you know, just recently, you know, communication has always been in every marriage. It has always been a stepping stone, you know, for marriages to move on. And I feel like that's one of the parts that now I can happily say that, you know, I'm working every day, honest.

Growing Together

You know, I'm counting on with her more, you know, I'm sharing with her more, you know, and the reason why is because since, since a child, you know, I never had my mom and dad together, you know, and I had my dad for so many years, but away from me, not really, you know, guiding me or teaching me ways, you know? So, so I know she might see this. So, you know, she has said it, like, I've been almost like your mother, you know, trying to teach you how to correct you, you know, how to do this, how to do that.

And I needed that in my life, you know what I mean? And I really needed that. And for me to, like, for me to now, like, even humble myself even more to say, like, she's right, you know what I mean? Like, she's right. And, and as I listen to her more, and as I do more of what she desires and what she wants, then I'm able to even love more everything that I do, you know? So it's, it's, it's that miracle God is using to make even still refine areas in your life.

Leaving a Legacy for the Next Generation

And like, breaking that, like, showing health and breaking that in you and in your life so that, like, the next generation, you know, is, and they've got healthy, happy mom, dad, you know, restored, you know, your whole life, man, and it's just, it's beautiful, the way it watched the way the Lord does that, man, it's interesting in all lives, everything's up in us and just call it out. And, you know, Ashley always does, it was such humility and grace when she does, but like, when I miss the mark, man, she's often the first time, first want to see something, even if I don't see it, she's got that sense about people that, like, I will tell her she's wrong at times until I realize that she was 100% right.

Yeah. And on, there's just as a beauty of being able to submit on, I'm catching up to that, yeah, I'm not going to say it's easy, you know, and there are times when it pops up and I'm like, I'm like, bro, you're wrong, you know, and she's like, okay, you know, and then the Lord ends up revealing the thing later on. And I'm like, I should have just listened to the first place, you know, and so on, man, discovering kind of God's calling together, right? You know, you guys are, I know, you're sorting through some of that, you've been in the ministry, you're figuring out next steps, but on, then how do you guys pray through that?

Making God-Centered Decisions

I mean, how do y'all make decisions together, you know, about the big things? You know, of course, like she says, you're more driven, you know, to like, well, you feel like you, she says, you, you feel something and you go ahead and do it, you know, and she's more of a, like, all right, let's, let's take a minute, let's, you know, let's talk about it, let's pray about it, you know, let's see what God, you know, how God leads us to do. And a lot of the times, you know, we just have to speak things out, you know, speak things out and say, look, I feel this from the Lord, you know, let's, let's pray, let's pray about it, and you know, let's see what He communicates with you.

And let's see what He reveals to me because a lot of the times, the truth of the matter is that a lot of the times we may feel a certain way, but God will probably first reveal it to her before He lets me know. Yeah. And just like recently, we were going through a hardship and, and, you know, and all praise to God through it. You know, I was going through hard and, and I was getting to ask God, like, what is it, you know, and, and at the end of the day, I kind of like, stopped completely and, and all that it was coming out of me was like, thank you. Thank you, God, and you know, what I need.

Recognizing Each Other’s Strengths

Yeah. You know, and you know, what I need. And the thing was while I was going through that, after we go through the hardship, my wife comes to me and she says, I already knew the outcome of what you were going through. Yeah, I just didn't want to tell you because you needed to go through that. Yeah. So, you know, and, and when she started to review that to me, when she started to speak that to me, I started to understand, like, there is things that I may be going through that she already knows and has the answer for it.

And that I know that, and that I know that she knows that if I start to drift out of it, she's going to then use what she knows to pull me back and that so full circle. Yeah. It comes right back to that being humble enough. Yeah, hey, what do you see that I don't? Yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying? And that takes humility because we want to be right. Like we want to know, you know what I'm saying?

And like, by, yeah, man, I hate to cut this conversation. We're running toward the end. But on, man, it's been a good great conversation. We'll have to do this again. We'll sit down and talk it like, because I feel like whenever I've never done any two or three hour podcast or kind of they're kind of normal, but I feel like we could do one. Oh yeah. Yeah, sorry. But for those watching, man, if you had the SVTC shared a valid scene challenge YouTube channel, Rico is going to be speaking at our Freedom Night Service tonight. So the replay will be there by the time this podcast goes live.

And thank you for taking the time and talking a little bit. And for those watching, please take a moment, subscribe to the channel. And again, the relationships and recovery course that Ashley and I are putting together is coming out soon. I will drop the link. The pre-orders are already available. So you can click that link in the comments and go ahead and order that it's coming out May 13th. I don't want to date the podcast, but that's about a month from where we're at now. So thank you for watching. Yeah. God bless. Have a great day.