From Party Life to Presence: The Moment God Broke Him

Struggling with Addiction and Seeking God

We'd get, you know, super high on Coke, and a party would get busted by the cops.

I'm like, you know, where are we meeting? Oh, well, let's go to the riverbed.

So we go to the riverbed, and we'd be chilling, like, you know, coked out of our minds, and I just would like,

start preaching. I would start telling people about God.

I shut my Bible, and I went into my room, and I shut the door, and I got on my hands and knees,

and I curled up my hands like this, and I got on the end of my bed,

and I just started to do what I thought was praying. Right.

And all of a sudden, the Holy Spirit filled my bedroom. Yeah.

And I start weeping, just like my very first encounter with God.

Yeah. And I'm weeping, and I'm weeping, and I'm weeping.

And I'm experiencing God. I'm encountering the Holy Spirit, His presence, His power.

Yeah. And I just like, I'm so sorry. I was like, Lord, I'm done.

I just started to say I'm done. I'm done. I'm ready to live for you. I'm ready to live for you.

Introduction to the Podcast

Hey, thank you guys so much for jumping on to another episode of Rebuilding Life After Addiction.

Really appreciate y'all hanging around the channel, following along, everything that we're doing

to bring hope to those struggling with addiction. I mean, that's the mission, right?

We want to put hope within reach of everyone struggling with addiction.

And I'm excited to jump on here again and have another conversation.

I've got Blake Cotita with us, and I get it right. Yeah, and Cotita, and we are here at the Harvest Table,

and we'll talk about some of this here in a few minutes, but man, Blake, I mean, thanks so much

for taking the time to sit down and chat. I see you, man. I really appreciate it.

Yeah, for sure, man. How are you doing? How are you doing?

Doing really good. Yeah, amazing. Yeah, doing really good.

Focusing on Life After Addiction

Sweet, so let's jump right in, man. You know, the whole purpose here is I like to connect

with folks who are on the other side of addiction, right?

We talk about the battle with addiction, and I think a lot of times, we see people

kind of pulling themselves out of this rock bottom moment.

And sometimes it's hard to get a vision for what the future of our lives looks like.

And so maybe to kind of jump into this whole conversation, man, would you be,

well, and just share a little bit of your journey, some of your story.

I mean, we're here in your coffee shop. You guys have another business.

You've got a family. You've got kids. But I'd love to hear some of the origin story before all of that happened.

Blake's Early Life and Family Background

Yeah. Yeah, before this was even, you know, I wasn't thinking this far, you know.

Yeah, so I grew up in Los Angeles, California. My mom actually grew up in Virginia.

She moved to California when she was 18. She had me and my sister, and my dad is originally

from Pennsylvania. OK. Yeah, I grew up coming to Virginia, coming to visit.

And so I was familiar with the East Coast a little bit, familiar enough that I was like,

I can't stand it. Right, I don't know. Just because, you know, growing up in Southern California,

you feel like you had everything? You really didn't need to leave the state.

There was no state that or place that could compare to it. So I just didn't enjoy going anywhere else.

Because I skateboarded, you know. And I got older and started smoking weed.

And then I couldn't get the weed that I couldn't get weed anywhere. So that was also an issue.

You could get California weed in Virginia. I couldn't get California weed in Virginia. Right.

I couldn't get that chronic, you know, I'm just kidding. But yeah, so I grew up in a Christian home.

I grew up in the youth group, you know, doing all the stuff, you know, being told, you know,

the way that I should live my life, you know, and I played instruments with, you know, in the church.

But I never knew God for myself, you know. And my parents' relationship wasn't very good.

And as I got older, I started to see that more clearly. There was a pivotal moment that really shifted my life,

but leading up to it, you know, I was involved in sports. I grew up in a good area.

I had a really great childhood, really great childhood. Me and the boys met up outside every day.

You know, there were like six of us. Each one of us were different races—Hispanic, Portuguese, Korean, Black—

and we all were different. And I grew up just, I felt like my childhood was really good.

I enjoyed hanging out, and I enjoyed being around people.

I would be considered extroverted, you know, whatever. And everyone had brothers.

So, you know, the brothers were typically into stuff probably they shouldn't have been, you know.

So then that was kind of opening a door to some things.

Early Trauma and Its Impact

But yeah, I started to get a little older and just wanting to be in with the cool guys

and doing the things that I probably shouldn't do. And, you know, things started to be really corny.

And as I got older, but there was a, let me kind of rewind a little bit.

When I was really young, I was four, I had a—I don't know why I'm kind of going here.

So just kind of follow me. Yeah, for sure. I had a sexual encounter with a woman at four, four years old.

And I think from that moment, I felt things and did things that no four-year-olds should ever do or feel.

And so it did something to me. It kind of set the course for a lot of things for me.

So like, growing up in the church and going into the nursery or whatever you want to call it, the kids' wing,

I always thought the kids were corny. I always thought like, you guys were lame.

And I was that moment that I had with that lady, you know, the Bible talks about not awakening love before it's time.

It stripped my—it took my innocence from me. So it really started, because that happened,

it opened a door to things that I shouldn't desire. And I didn't know how to deal with those things.

And I ended up getting addicted to porn as I got older, you know.

Struggles with Addiction and Family Issues

Porn was not really a thing on the internet. And so I was probably in—

I mean, I want to say probably eighth grade maybe. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 36.

36, okay. Yeah, so it's hard to—it’s even crazy just to say that, like how far we've gone with technology.

We came across a magazine maybe, it has kids, but there was no internet.

Maybe someone—there were channels that, you know, we had access to, but...

It was through the blurry lines, right? Yeah. Try to pack the lines.

It was like that channels. Right. Three weird, yeah. That's where my head did a laugh.

Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, that really impacted my life. So yeah, I was in the youth group,

started dating a girl. By then, my parents' relationship is not going well. And yeah,

there was a divorce that ended up happening, and I saw why I kind of had to call my dad

and tell him some things that happened because I was firsthand to see it,

and my dad was actually out of town. So, you know, my whole life growing up,

my parents would tell me what to do and pretty strict on my life.

You know, I wasn't really allowed to go to the movies with my buddies because they were afraid

of us getting into trouble, and plus I wasn't super old enough and mature to do that stuff anyway, you know,

I mean, rightfully so. So, but, you know, they told me not to do these things,

but then it wasn't modeled, you know? You're trying to give me these rules, but like, you tell me

I can't watch these movies and, but like, when we go to bed, we hear the radio or movie on the TV.

And so it was like, you know, so that moment that my parents—because I was already starting to dabble

in, you know, marijuana and things like that and drinking, and the girl that I did at the time,

they were heavy, like it was like a Portuguese community, they were pretty heavy.

Everything they did was party. Like, there was church events, you would go from the church to the bar.

Like, it was just… it’s just part misguided.

It's just ingrained in the culture with the Portuguese.

So, it started getting heavy in that and then just, you know, it, because of my brokenness,

that was really drawing me, those things were really drawing me. You know, like I was

finding fun in my brokenness, you know? It was like an escape.

Pivotal Moments and Addiction Escalation

And now, at that time, did you, you know, talk about the incident that happened when you were four, right?

I mean, were you kind of aware some of that was driving at the time? You didn't have no clue, okay?

No, no clue. It wasn't until, you know, I was aware of, you know, when I had my encounter with the Lord

and, you know, God kind of just reveals those things. You understand what brokenness is. Right.

You know what I mean? And so, yeah, so my parents end up getting a divorce,

and that was the moment that I said, because I was really angry at that time,

that was the moment I said, now I can do whatever I want and I'm going to do whatever I want,

because I knew they were going to have two different homes, they weren't going to be strict on me anymore.

Now I can make my schedule, no one tell me what to do, basically. So I would go from my dad's house

to my mom's house, depending on who was at work, who wasn't at work, and kind of just floated and did what I want.

And so then I got introduced to heavier drugs, you know, and I ended up getting introduced to cocaine.

And my buddy's dad was in and out of jail, and one day we dropped him off somewhere he needed a ride,

and he jumps out of the car and pulls out a pistol and then this sack of coke, and he goes,

here, thanks for the ride, and runs down the street with his pistol, like full sprint.

I'm like, what the heck just happened right now? And so here we are sitting with this rock of cocaine,

and like, I can feel the darkness. I was aware that this was like a threshold almost, and I'm like,

man, I just inside to tell me like, there's nothing in me that should be doing that right now,

but like, don't be a wussy, like let's move past that. And so we ended up doing it,

and man had the high of our life, and I felt like you were Superman. And so now I got this new thing

added to my list of things to do, like I can do cocaine every once in a while, and then it progressed,

started, you know, I got introduced to ecstasy and went to my first rave, and for anyone who doesn't know what a rave is,

I mean, they're called Radical Audiovisual Experience, and there's like usually like, I don't know, nowadays,

but there were like five different stages that you can go, and each stage played a different type of electronic dance music,

and everyone there was high on ecstasy. It was a whole other world. So now I'm living for these experiences,

you know, I'm living for these raves, and they're very spiritual. Was this all in the West Coast, though?

Oh, in the West Coast. I mean, they have them at Laker Stadium, they were having them at, you know, Anaheim.

I mean, you name it, they were just, they were hosting them at stadiums, and they're still going on now.

And so they had these main raves every year, there were like four or five main ones, and we always like prepared for the next one,

prepared for the next one, prepared for the next one. And so at this point, you know, my jobs, I'm just keeping jobs just for the weekend,

and then, you know, I get tired of it, and I leave some keeping jobs for like two weeks. You know, the longest maybe a month.

So I've had a ton of jobs, man, just couldn't keep jobs. I wasn't stable. I just wanted to party, I would have a good time being with my friends,

and I was broken, you know, nobody can tell me what to do, and I'm living— as soon as I wake up in the morning,

I'm like, who can I call? Let's get high and have a good time.

Consequences of Addiction

And so, yeah, a couple, you know, there were a couple very wild experiences, like I saved a dude's life one day that he had taken two pills at once,

and I was always afraid to do that. There was always like a threshold in my life that I felt like there was always thresholds that I knew,

like, alright, if I do this one, I feel like it's going to open a door to something else. And so I always was like,

I was always faced with these moments where I just didn't—I was too afraid to go that far, and you know,

one of those things was taking more than I should drug-wise. Did those, did you mention—since we started talking,

you mentioned the kind of progression from pot, cocaine, ecstasy, so, like, did those thresholds, I guess, increase over time?

I mean, did you kick the line out a little bit further, and what was that, like, what was that process mentally, I guess,

that you were going through? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I mean, you're kind of what—whether any catalytic moments,

if you will, that kind of push that, or it was just kind of in the moment, enemies in your face, and the flesh just takes over in those moments.

The Rock Bottom Experience

Yeah. So, I mean, like, you know, I'm a firm believer that, you know, walking with the Lord,

the enemy's walking right alongside of you the entire time, and, you know, everything that God does, Satan wants to twist,

pervert, manipulate, destroy, you know, John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come to give you life

and give it in abundance. So you have these two opposing forces constantly going on.

So I think every time I would enter a new phase or chapter of life or a new job for instance, you know,

for instance, coming out of high school, 18 years old, I finally get my license, I end up working at this restaurant, you know,

I fill in this freedom, my parents are divorced and I have a car, and I'm working at a restaurant, and all these guys are like,

party, and like, hey, you got to hang out with us and like, have you ever tried this, have you ever tried that?

Yeah. And so that's how that ended up being, and because of where I was, I'm like, let's go, let's do it.

And also there's a level of pressure not wanting them to think that I wouldn't do something like, you know,

yeah, absolutely, yeah. So that's, you know, I was really presented—it came gradually, and so...

It's interesting how we get there, man, because I remember on my line in the sand was always no needles for a long time until it wasn't,

yeah, and it's like, and so somebody— I remember the first time I got shot up by somebody, dude, on shot me up,

we couldn't get mad, and he shot me up with—it was like some sort of pain pill, and let it left me in the apartment,

like I blacked out, I don't know for sure, but I think I almost died like that night, and I remember waking up, you know, hours later,

and then instead of it being a moment for me like, oh, I should never do this again, it was like, okay, it's on.

There's crazy—crazy how the enemy works, and there's like a cheat death, and then it's like, okay, let's keep rolling, yeah.

There's a thrill to it. I mean, there's this sense of like, I'm doing something with my life, there's a journey,

and we all want this purpose-driven journey. And sad, like, you know, that we can be driven, like, you know,

as kids, you want to play hide and seek, there's something about being hidden and hiding and not being found.

Yeah, that's good. We adapt that, I mean, it's just in us as kids, you know, and then as we get older, there's still that,

you know, level of secrecy and, you know, so.

Transitioning to a New Life

So going through those years, I mean, how long did that lifestyle last for you, and then kind of what was the culmination of it ending.

Like, you know, there's some people who use the term rock bottom, spiritual awakening, whatever it is.

I mean, however you describe that, like, what was that catalytic moment that made you realize like, I can't do this anymore, so I'm just going to change?

Yeah, yeah. So something that would happen, and I don't know if because I was in the church and the word was in me, planted seeds, you know,

seeds were planted. I would like, we'd get high, man, and like, you know, cocaine will lead you doing weird things at night,

because you just want to be high, it doesn't matter, you can be under a table with like five people under a bridge.

And so we would, you know, either we find a place we could stay on night, or we end up somewhere that we can kind of low-key hide on night.

Right. And one of the spots we would go to, it was called the riverbed, and that's like where the—it's like a storm drain

where all the water goes out to the ocean, so we would skate on, ride our bikes on them.

But anyways, we'd get, you know, super high on coke, and a party would get busted by the cops, and like, you know, where we meet?

No, well, let's go to the riverbed, so we'd go to the riverbed, and we'd be chilling, like, you know, coked out of our minds,

and I just would start preaching. I would start telling people about God.

Spiritual Encounters and Transformation

So you're one of those people that would have freaked me out.

I'm going to check these to read our Bible when she was smoking a mass pipe,

I'm like, I thought I was going to get struck by lightning, yeah, she was doing it, but great.

It's so weird how you connect on a spiritual level, you know, and like,

because that was exposed to Christianity and the spirit realm in that way, I could—I was connecting

a level of understanding with my emotions like, man, just, could you think about God,

like, look at the stars, like, you know, everyone that wasn't growing up, everyone around me

that hadn't been growing up in a Christian home, which is like, whoa, dude, like, that's like serious.

Like, it was the eye-opening stuff, and they were like, you're going to be a preacher one day, dude,

you're going to be a preacher one day. And, you know, I would go home at night, high, and I had to sleep with my light on

because I was so afraid, because I started to feel presence, dark presence around me.

And so I was experiencing a spiritual presence that was—I was becoming more aware of the reality of the spirit realm without knowing it.

And so there was, like I said, like, I was being led up to culminating moments that were leading me to do more things.

Well, it's all free will. I mean, I was making decisions. The devil wasn't forcing me to do anything, but it was—but also at the same time,

the Lord was doing something. The Lord was doing something. And so, let's see, I ended up getting a DUI,

I had my license taken away. At this point, I'm just, you know, couch surfing.

I'm also at my parents' house. I mean, I wasn't a complete low life, but I was, you know what I mean?

And being a couch surfer has a different meaning than it does in Virginia.

Like if you're surfing couches in Virginia, dude, you got—everyone's going to tell you, dude, it's time to get you.

But in California, it's like almost normal, especially at the age we were.

And so anyways, yeah, I mean, we were fighting every weekend.

We were getting fights and guns, we're getting pulled out, buddies were getting stabbed,

and things were getting worse, like, you know, we were always pushing the envelope everywhere we went,

you know, we were doing like six to eight pills a night of ecstasy and just, you know.

And so I was at home one day and I was making a CD for a party we were having that night.

And I ended up coming across some worship music. And I don't even remember why or how,

but I ended up downloading some of the songs. And I give one of the songs that listen and I'm sitting there

and all of a sudden, she starts to sing these words and I start to weep, and I felt the Holy Spirit fill my room.

And I used to tell myself for years, like, you can't cry, like there's something wrong with you.

It's so hard. Like, there's moments where I'm like, you need to be shedding a tear right now,

and there was nothing in me that could. And so when I started to cry, like weep,

I knew who had walked into my room. Yeah. Wow. I knew what was going on.

I knew that that was the Lord. And so I'm sitting there, I'm weeping, and I'm feeling this presence that is so pure.

I'm feeling this presence that is so clean, and I'm feeling like I'm taking like a spiritual bath.

And simultaneously, I am telling the Lord, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. You know, like I can't believe all these things that I've done.

It's like I could see everything I've done up until this very moment.

And like I can sense that God had been with me all the way up until that point. Yeah.

And I just like, I'm so sorry. I was like, Lord, I'm done. I just started to say I'm done. I'm done.

I'm ready to live for you. I'm ready to live for you. And the interesting thing is there was no pastor in the room,

there was no leader in the room telling me what was happening. The Holy Spirit was leading me in a counter with God.

And so I literally was a completely different person based on the encounter with God.

Introduction to a New Life

And so I took the CD, I ended up going to the party,

or maybe I didn't even finish burning the CD. I don't remember, honestly.

I ended up going to the party that night. We had a big old fire, and I'm just sitting at the fire,

and I'm like, the way that I felt, the closeness that I felt with God in that moment

and the renewal of who I was in that moment, I felt like I could have sat there for a thousand years staring at the fire.

Literally, I felt like I had nowhere to ever go again, ever again. I was so content, I was so at peace.

I didn't even desire drugs. I didn't desire to go snort a line of cocaine.

And my buddies were telling me, come on, dude, come on, do the snort, the snort rail.

And I'm just like, no, man, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. Yeah, whatever.

Later on, you're going to, you know, why are you even like messing around?

Yeah. So sure enough, I ended up, you know, doing it, but I had no enjoyment from it.

I actually felt like dirty, like, you know, I can put context or words to it now,

but I feel like I was breaking the Lord's heart, you know? Yeah, wow.

And so from that moment, it rose the question, like, God, what do you want me to do? Yeah.

Like, what am I supposed to do now? So for three months, I kept asking the Lord,

God, what do you want me to do? And so my grandma, who lived in Virginia, she called me.

And she wanted to surprise her granddad for his 70th birthday. And she said,

we want to fly you to Virginia, you and your mom and your sister, and surprise granddad.

And I heard the Holy Spirit inside me say, that's where you're moving.

Wow. And so was that the last time, those few times and those few months leading up

to the corner of Virginia, was that the last times that you used? Is that kind of where it stopped?

Yeah. I heard somebody say a long time ago that it's on when the Lord gets ahold of you.

It's not that we don't have the ability to sin anymore, right? He doesn't stop us from doing it,

but the pleasure goes away in it. Yeah. And that conviction starts to show up, right?

That's the difference of the regenerated heart, you know, the heart that's been made new in Christ

is that now the sin is pleasurable for a season, but that joy starts to, and that conviction starts to speak to you.

And it's so palpable, like you just said. Yeah. And then that transition,

so you end up in Virginia, and the Lord speaks to you, and he starts to, you know, uncover

his will for your life, on going to that. Yeah. Yeah. So I moved to Virginia. I didn't know what I was doing.

I didn't tell anyone that I was moving. We came, I packed my guitar, my skateboard, and just like a usual trip, you know.

And I was looking for jobs in the paper, and which is so not me. Like, number one, I'm looking at the paper.

Right. Yeah. Number two, I'm looking for a job. Right. Already, my life's changed.

Like, that's a testimony. Right. You weren't checking out the rave scene or anything like that.

No, not that there was any. Yeah. Virginia, but, you know, like the fact that I even had the mind to do that,

my mind was not wired that way. Like, before I got saved, I never read a book

because I couldn't read a book. Yeah. I would try to read sentences, and nothing would register

because I was just not, you know, focused. But so, yeah, I came to Virginia and found a job in the paper.

The day before we were supposed to fly back to California, I told my grandparents,

I found a job. I was like, will you give me a chance to stay here with you guys,

live with you for a little bit and get my own place? They're like, alright, we'll give you a shot, you know,

we'll let you stay. Around that time, my aunt owned a bar in Harrisonburg called The Pub,

and it was a super college bar. But at this point, I'm still drinking, I'm not doing drugs,

but I'm drinking—not drinking all the time. I have a job and, yeah, so I'm not really—

I wasn't really connected in a church. I think I went with my grandparents a couple times.

I think they went to a Pentecostal church, things like that.

My encounter, my experience with the Lord, I kind of wrote on that for a while, that one experience,

and it carried me because it was so life-changing. And I knew it was with me, but I didn't know a whole lot.

I didn't know anything at all. And so I lived— I lived by rules. I set rules for myself

that I broke 24-7, but I tried to live by them. So I was really depressed, you know,

not drinking, don’t do drugs. I'm still addicted to porn, and I'm still addicted to smoking cigarettes.

I still had those two addictions. I like everything else, but these, no, like I need—

these are going to take time. And so it was—we've had more people leave our program over the years

because of cigarettes. Because we don’t allow people to smoke in the program,

and we've had more people leave over that particular stronghold, like, clean off heroin.

They've done come down, three, four days, done the DTs, done all the rough detoxing, but well,

man, it is fighting words. No, stuff is a stronghold. We've had serious—some serious issues

with addiction to tobacco just within our family, and it's caused like a break. It's serious.

I mean, it's addiction serious. It doesn't matter what it is, but for some reason, cigarettes are just—

it's a major stronghold.

The Journey Toward Healing

So anyways, I, you know, for a long time was just trying to live right, you know,

and winter hit. My buddy from California actually ended up coming and moving in with me.

I found an apartment six months later, and we talked the guy into giving us a six-month lease,

and it was Hunter's Ridge, right across the street from JMU. It’s full-blown,

I had no idea. I was like, oh, six fifty a month, yeah, I can split this me and my buddy.

So I had two jobs at this point. I didn't have my license. I would walk from one job to the other,

and then I would walk home or catch the bus if I could, and I liked to walk, though.

And so at this point, it's winter's coming, and I'm like trying to follow these rules for myself,

and my whole apartment complex is raging. I mean, partying like crazy.

And I'm like, my Denny's bound up and what they're doing. And so— but I'm not trying to

be that person anymore yet, I don't know who I am still.

So I found myself going into depression, and we had a couple crazy nights.

The first two nights we moved in, we had two fights, I threw a party, and we got into a fight,

and then we went to another party and got into a fight, and a gun pulled out.

So that was my last shot with drinking in Virginia, I was like, I'm done.

And so I was still smoking cigarettes, still addicted to porn, you know, still broken,

really wasn't involved in church. Three months in, I meet a girl,

and I start to feel like this joy, like this excitement, like life’s coming back.

And she is a lot of her where she was at, and that moment was where I was at.

She was done with some things, and she was ready to kind of live for God.

And, you know, the language we used was very, you know, we had no idea what we were talking about.

And so we start dating, you know, we're together now, she knows I'm trying to refrain from sex,

you know, the whole thing yet, I'm still addicted to porn. How is that even possible? Right? Yeah.

And we ended up, you know, falling into sin together, I ended up finding out she was midnight,

she was changing her clothes and coming and hanging out.

She would change her clothes back, and I'm like, what's going on?

And then that took me into another spiral of like, I can't take on your stuff.

I got enough stuff, like I'm going back, like my plan was to go back to California.

So we were kind of rocky in our relationship, and you know, I knew I was going back to California,

so I really wasn't trying to get attached to her. And then it rolls around,

it's time to go back, and I'm like, man, I can’t fall back into the same group of friends.

It's time, like I need to get serious about this.

So my grandfather, he's a minister, he's been traveling the world and planted churches,

and he's a prophet, and I get ahold of him. I was like, grandpa, where should I read in the word?

Like I don't even know where to start. He was like, starting the gospel.

He said, read John, and then Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Yeah. And I'm like, okay.

So I get back to California and I'm like, Lord, I was like, I do not understand anything.

I need you to reveal your word to me because I would read the word and it was like,

it made no sense to me whatsoever. And so I remember opening up my Bible in my house

and my dad was at work. I'm back with living with my dad again.

And all of a sudden, it was like, I can understand everything I was reading.

It was like a light went off. Yeah. And it was like everything I read, what was inside my stomach

was confirming what I was reading, like I knew it for already for thousands of years.

I was like, yeah, I was like, it was like this confirmation of the spirit in me.

Yeah, it’s so good. And so I came across, where it testifies with our spirit,

that’s the children, right? That’s exactly right. So good. Yeah.

So I mean, I just, I started to get, I started to be changed, like my desires.

I wanted his presence. I wanted his word, and I wanted to live for him. Yeah.

And so naturally in me, like I would—I didn't have a job, but I'd get on my skateboard.

I'd pack my Bible in my backpack, and I would just skate, and I would stop at a Starbucks

and sit outside and wait for someone to ask me a question or like get an opportunity.

I would just share Jesus with people. Yeah. We were just coming out of me.

I didn't really want anything else. And, you know, I started gravitating to some of my friends,

not all of them. And they knew how I was living, and I was really trying my best to impact their life

with my life. And, um, all this has happened within a month since I've been back from California.

My life's completely changed. I'm on another level with God.

Like I'm like looking at trees and I'm like, I cannot believe God created that tree.

Right. Like the sky. I was like, it is so blue. Yeah. The grass was so green.

Like I was looking at life from a different lens, a different perspective. Yeah.

It was like Jesus is the way, he's the truth and he's the life. And when I would add the life deposited in me,

I was now able to enjoy what God created for me to enjoy. And so sin had kept me away from it all those years.

You know, my brokenness, everything blinded me. And that was, the enemy was trying to—you know,

if I would have stayed on that path for another even just three years, I probably would have been dead. Yeah.

You know, I would have been way more addicted to drugs. Yeah.

Stepping into Faith and Fatherhood

You talked earlier about how you're trying to live life in the rules, right?

And how I'm sure I shared with somebody earlier that I was interviewed him for the podcast.

I grew up in the early internet era. I'm 38. So I had a computer in my bedroom, right?

And we had 56 came out of America Online, Napster on the computer was out in the CDs.

So four minutes to download one picture of a naked woman, you know,

and it just that whole process. My parents didn't know that that wasn't even a thing at the time.

Right. And so they kind of let it roll. They did the best they could.

But now as a parent, you know, all these years later, my experience from back then,

it shapes the way that I parent. You know, we're very intentional with our kids on devices.

I'm one of them because I know the access to that. Yep.

So I'm just curious how has like some of your past kind of shaped, you know, how you do fatherhood.

And, you know, there's anything from your history that's kind of adjusting, you know,

how you're raising your own kids? Yeah.

Parenting with Intentionality

One thing I'll say, you know, my son, he's 14 now, and he's kind of mentioned a girl to us.

And that's new, you know, a girl like he's in eighth grade. And, but I want to be real with those

because when I was growing up, I was ashamed to bring a girl to my parents

because anything surrounding a girl to me felt wrong because of what happened when I was four. Wow.

So I never—I never put those two together. But like I was always ashamed to even talk

about relationships or a girl or anything like that, because of that moment.

And so we're in a new thing to be able to discuss. Like I'm really trying to—

yeah, I don't want him to feel ashamed. And I realized like, I'm like, dude,

you don't need to feel ashamed about it. And he's like, then I'm not ashamed.

And I'm like, Oh, yeah, you didn't go through what I went through. Yeah.

You know, it's a whole nother—it’s a whole nother thing. But also like,

I want to be completely open and transparent with everything. Yeah.

You know, trying to be open with that. But isn't that how we break generational curses though?

Because it’s realizing that, right? It’s unknowingly. We project that stuff onto our kids,

not realizing they didn't go through the same things we did. But then we can, if we're not aware of it,

if we haven't done the work, we haven't been honest about the pain from our past,

then we start expecting that they're going to react the same way we did. Yeah.

Or yet, there are circumstances by the grace of God and everything that's happened

are wildly different than what we went through. Yeah. It's good.

It's incredible. Yeah. But we try to, you know, we definitely—I tell my kids,

like I told you that my parents would say, Hey, don't watch this. And then when they go to sleep,

they're watching it. Right. I tell my kids, if I tell you not to watch something,

especially like a movie or a TV like pure entertainment, I'm not going to sit in front of something

that my kids can't sit in front of. Right. That's my decision. Right.

You know, it’s language and there’s different things with, you know, writer and movies have nudity.

I mean, like, I’m not trying to look at that stuff. Like PG-13 is even tight.

Yeah. We tried to watch a movie with our girls the other night, and I was just the amount of f-bombs.

That's right. And a PG-13 movie. It’s now with a crossover is not the f-bombs.

It is nudity. Okay. I think the nudity is now are, but like you can say the f-word in some PG-13 movies.

Yeah. And some of them are off too because I was watching movies that said they were PG-13,

and they were not PG-13. So I’m just confused on like the ratings.

But anyways, we definitely set the standard since they were really, really little, you know,

and have brought a sensitivity to right and wrong. Yeah. And so when they come across something wrong,

it bothers them that they had seen something. Yeah. And I actually had a moment with my son,

my youngest son, he's seven now. But we were—there was just some games that they were downloading

on their Kindles. It wasn't even iPads. It was Kindles. Right. And I was sitting with my son.

I downloaded Uno on the iPad. And the Uno gave us an ad of the Uno game gave us an ad.

I'm laying on my son's bed. We're playing this game. And it’s an ad of a cartoon girl completely bent over

in front of the screen with like an enormous over-exaggerated butt, yeah, really short shorts on and it's bouncing.

And this was Uno. And I'm laying in my son's bed. And it like, I got so angry at that moment.

And so even with games, like where they don’t have Xbox or not playing Call of Duty. Like I grew up playing Call of Duty.

Right. It was, you know, my wife was super against it. So that helped kind of help me with my decision because I mean,

all they are doing is killing. I mean, that’s, that’s, that’s be real. I mean, that we should be sensitive enough to like, whoa,

did you shot that dude in the head? Like, right. Yeah. But we’re not. We’re desensitized. Yeah.

So we’ve really tried to make be sensitive before the Lord. Like what hurts him should hurt us?

And, and so, but yeah, so my youngest son had a whole moment with a—he was playing a game.

And he started to confess it to me. He’s like, Dad, I had this ad.

And then I like swiped. And then he went inward. And he was so ashamed that he saw it.

Yeah. He wouldn’t tell me. And I’d like, for like an hour, it was like, dude, you have to tell me.

And he’s bawling. And I didn’t know how to handle the situation.

But I’m like, you can’t keep this for me. You’re not—you’re— you’re probably six at five maybe at the time.

I think it was probably five. And he ended up telling me a little bit to know that in the game,

there was a girl that would stand in front. It was an ad. The girl would stand in front of you,

but you can slide your finger and remove her clothing. And this was the ad. Yeah.

And so when he told me that, he started to cry. But there was such a sensitivity that he knew that it was wrong. Yeah.

And so we’ve tried to be very careful like our son doesn’t have an iPhone. We’re not against iPhone.

But, like, there was just too much access for him. Yeah.

With certain things, we really trust our oldest son. But we just felt like we need to keep them sensitive enough

for a period of time that when they do get older enough to—they're going to have to—like, I’m not going to control my kids

to make their decisions. Right. But when it comes time, they’ve worked that muscle enough where it’s like,

I don’t want to do that. Like that doesn’t feel good. Yeah.

Wrapping Up the Journey

And I think modeling is huge. Huge. Yeah. I mean, that's why I’ve said like,

man, I don’t—I’m not going to tell you don’t watch this movie. And I go sit and watch it.

It’s one thing if I’m watching like an informative thing, and it’s maybe it’s about, you know, X Navy seal or something.

And or, you know, sometimes that stuff can be a little bit obviously too much for kids.

But like pure entertainment sitting down, watching a raunchy or a movie that I’m not ever.

Yeah, I’m not going to do that. That's just me. Yeah.

So that has helped our kids, because I knew—I knew growing up as a kid that I felt like

if I would have saw it modeled, if I would have saw my parents praying,

if I would have saw my family in the word, like active and like operating in their faith throughout the day,

like laying hands on people praying for people like, I didn’t—I didn’t really see that.

Final Thoughts on Discipleship

So now to your kids on—I know you had—you guys got married, had them after all the addiction lifestyle.

It’s going to pass that, right? And so do they know your story at all? I mean, your oldest,

does he know you? Yeah. Yeah. He does. I don’t know about the detail,

but he definitely knows, you know, he’s heard me share my testimony.

I don’t—when I share my testimony, I don’t get into detail. Right. I don’t.

Yeah, like I used to think like, man, people need to know the funk. Right.

And that way they can see where I came from. Like, no, like, I much rather share about how good he is.

Yeah. But the testimonies, the testimony is a testimony—it's powerful.

So I don’t, I don’t usually go into super detail with my testimony.

But no, even into my marriage, man, I was still struggling with porn. Okay.

I kept it from my wife. I was still struggling with tobacco.

The Lord really set me free of that in 2017, actually. Okay.

So my encounter with the Lord was 2009. And so it was years of like,

you know, desiring to be healed, but didn’t know how—there was such a shame around it.

You know, but so—I mean, it wasn’t until 2017, man, where I got set free from it.

Moving Forward and Future Aspirations

That's awesome. Yeah. So let's wrap up, man, because I know we’re getting close.

You’ve got a party to get to, but I want to ask you a question.

So I’m 22, right? I’m trapped. I’m in this isolated alone feeling, man,

just like struggling with identity. Maybe there's been some stuff that's happened in the past

that's kind of shaped that. But like, I'm battling addiction, feeling trapped.

I don't know what to do next, right? And you encounter somebody like myself on the street.

And man, what are you saying to somebody like that, just off the cuff, you know,

to give them some direction on how to move forward? Yeah. Man, I mean, that’s pretty loaded.

You know, I guess it all depends on the person in that moment. But like, God is good. Yeah.

God is really, really good. And if you get anywhere alone in God's creation, whether it be in the nature,

and you just listen and look, you see that God is good. And the people, the evil in the world

is from man. I mean, it's not from man. But it's from an enemy and adversary, the devil. Yeah.

And, you know, I would say that there’s hope. Hope's a real thing. Yeah.

And their life's a real thing. Like, you know, you feel that the hopelessness and the brokenness now,

but man, like, there’s nothing that can’t be fixed. Yeah, nothing that can be fixed.

Connecting with Blake

So, somebody told me a long time ago, I was having a conversation with one of our former Teen Challenge students.

And I’m going to turn this into a question in a second. But he— they were always calling, saying, Pastor,

we really admire you, you know what I’m saying? And I’m like, at the time, I didn’t see it,

I didn’t see why. I’m like, what do you mean? Like, I’m just doing life.

You know, my wife and I, we just try to be obedient to the Lord.

I’m really nothing special, you know what I’m saying?

And he said—he made a statement to me that floored me. He said, Pastor,

you’re living the life we’re all dreaming about. And it really—I never saw it from that perspective. Right?

And so, Blake, how do I get from this point of coming out of addiction?

Like, you know, to sometimes I think it’s hard for young men to see.

They see somebody like yourself doing well on the other side of all the struggle, right?

And sometimes it’s hard to see it, like, man, that’s just a pipe dream.

I could never have that. And yet we were talking earlier and you’re like,

I never saw any of this coming. You know what I’m saying?

And so, I guess what has been the consistent consistency in you that’s allowed you to continue to pursue the Lord

and then be open to the Lord blessing you? I mean, wife, kids, you guys had the businesses.

You’re—you’ve been to Dubai, mission trips. You know, we were just talking offline about opportunities in another country,

and all of that stuff. And that seems like such a far distant future, you know, for Blake in 2009, right?

To Blake in 2024. And so, what’s been the consistent thread through all of that? Yeah.

So, you know, consistency number one, staying the course, staying the course, seeking the Lord.

You know, I know I’m probably talking to people that never met the Lord before. Right. Yeah.

And he’s a person. Yeah, he’s real. And he stepped into earth and gave his life up to us

and modeled a life for us to live. Showed us how to walk in purity. Showed us how to treat each other.

And the disciples said, teach us to pray. That was the one mystery.

There was like the one question, Lord, teach us to pray. Yeah.

And it’s a mystery. But until we do it, we’ll never learn how to do it.

And I say this for any religion that says their God is real or they’re believing God,

and every religion is the same unless you’re truly seeking God. Right.

And I’ve said this, I feel like something the Lord’s put on my heart recently because there’s always this,

well, what about, you know, the Muslims who have been taught a certain way, they really believe God?

And I'm like, you know, there was the Pharisees and the Bible who put Jesus on the cross.

They believed in God. Yeah. But what happened was Jesus proved that they really were not,

they really didn’t care about God. Right.

Because they were more worried about the image. They were more worried about the tradition.

But I think anyone who truly is seeking God will meet Jesus.

We’ll have an encounter with God. Yeah, that’s good. I believe that 100%.

God will never ever ever says anyone who knocks, the door will be open.

Anyone who seeks will find. Anyone who asks will receive.

He’s a very giving God. He gave His life. Yeah.

It grew some gruesome life. It grew some death on the cross.

And so I kind of forget what your last question was.

Building a Future on Faith

Yeah, no. You hit it head on. I mean, that’s the part right there.

I think sometimes I’m a fan. I’m a big believer that this recovery freedom of addiction thing is like the statement we have at TC is that Jesus is the program.

That’s it. If you get a hold of Christ, you pursue a life of discipleship. Amen.

All this stuff is going to fall off. It’s not— it really isn’t a lot of times more complicated than that.

You know, and so, you know, sometimes it’s hard to hear that, especially if we’re kind of caught in bondage,

and we’ve been resistant. So we’ve had some poor experiences with religion or all of that in the past, you know,

but what I’m hearing and what I’m seeing in your life is just been this—it’s not been perfect, right, from the first encounter.

But it’s just been this consistent pursuit and going back. And on. Yeah.

And so just so we wrap up, man, how can people connect with you, you know, on either your businesses or whatever,

you know, wherever you’re at, how can folks connect with Blake?

My Facebook is Blake Cotita. Okay. I have an Instagram, Blake Cotita.

We have some things we’re trying to do. I know social media is such a huge thing now,

and it’s a huge way for people to connect, but we don’t have some of those things developed yet.

Harvest Table Dayton. That is our cafe through you.

Yeah. If someone wanted to reach out to me. Yeah. Sweet.

I appreciate it, man. Thanks for taking the time to chat this evening.

And I will drop those links into the description down below. And, man,

thank you for watching and joining in to Rebuilding Life for another conversation.

And Blake, thank you. Again, if this is your first time here, please hit like,

subscribe to the channel, but also, if you have any questions, feedback,

maybe your struggle on my purpose, don’t hesitate to drop those in the comments or shoot us a DM,

and we’ll be happy to connect with you. God bless you guys.