He Got a Life-Changing Diagnosis and Found a New Purpose

what's up man how are you doing good man thanks for having me guys yeah thanks for jumping back in I really enjoyed our conversation last time and man I'm excited to be on here with you tonight and just give you an opportunity to jump into a little bit more of your story yeah will you just take a quick minute before we jump into the questions and introduce yourself to the folks that are here on the social webs yeah man so like they said my name is Carter Morrison I what Justin we said we met each other three or four years ago when I was selling cars and he bought a car from me and that's sparked this whole relationship and then I was on the podcast like you said back in January February whenever it was and really enjoyed that I'm super glad to be back I'm excited and hopefully it can just help somebody that's going through some struggles to be able to see on the other side and beat addiction because it's a problem and addiction is a very widespread subject it's not just drugs I think well but I've also been out of addiction to pornography and addiction to tobacco products and which that's glossed over like you said it's not that big of a deal in today's society but it really is so I'm just excited to hopefully be able to speak some hope into somebody's life and then just help someone that might be struggling yeah that's awesome so why don't you jump into maybe a little bit more of your story card or just give us some context let us know you're rebuilding life after addiction so maybe a little bit of the origin story if you will some of your battles with addiction and and then we'll get into some questions from there yeah absolutely man so growing up I had a really good life I did not come from what I would consider like a broken home I had two great loving parents they were divorced but they were both acutely part of my life I played a ton of sports I was super active I even went to the Christian school until I was in the eighth grade so my addiction story didn't really start until I was 14 15 years old or so it was around the same time that I got diagnosed with my lifelong disease and that really goes hand in hand with the addiction just with coping and everything but it started you always hear people say weed is a is not a gateway drug for me it was absolutely it was and I believe there's good to that but not in a way like it was just about for me it was just getting high what there was no medicinal uses I was trying to gain from it was all pleasure based so and that's really where it started hanging out with buddies when I stopped playing basketball because I couldn't physically do it because of my disease I tried to fill my time with other things and got really bored because I would play basketball for three or four different teams every year man it was an all day long event every day out on the in the backyard practicing games on the weekends games during the night on the weekdays so when that went away it was like man what do I do with and then found myself hanging out with wrong people and that's what started was just start smoking weed man and really at a younger age it was like 11 or 12 just with tobacco products it was me wanting to hey media and rap music says this is cool so I'm gonna try these things and that's that's really where it all started man and then on to heavier things through high school and my really my big addiction span for we're talking drugs was eighth grade through senior year of high school like I'm talking about they're gonna go yeah students longer after that and different subjects of life but we're gonna say yeah no I was just gonna say Rob did you have something go ahead man no so it's I was gonna ask Carter so it seems to me that listening to your story your identity was so wrapped in the sport culture right basketball particular and getting a disease now I know you didn't touch base on what was your disease exactly it's muscular dystrophy a form of muscular dystrophy called FSH okay and super short it is a lifelong muscle-leading disease that will slowly eat away over time no curation of treatments nothing that can be done for it wow so everything was you had almost like your life mapped out right like I could imagine as a young kid you're playing sports because I played basketball as a young kid man so when my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's that was like heart-wrenching for me right like I didn't know what to do she was like my everything my support system everything right and so all I did was play sports and then hearing your story you're playing sports in and out travel ball night ball weekend ball whatever and then you get hit with this a pivotal point in your life right where you're trying to discover who you are right you're going through puberty you're going through all these different things and then bam all of it's taken away from you how did you like what was going on in your mind at that moment like yeah what was that feeling yeah so oh how if they went out when I was diagnosed I was 14 years old so I was in the eighth grade and I was pretty ignorant to my disease like I knew it was a problem because when you get diagnosed with something it's not something good even if it's just the flu you get diagnosed with the flu it's not a good diagnosis so I like new being diagnosed with something it wasn't good but because of how this disease works it takes year two years three years before you see any significant change so at first I wasn't like if we're talking within like the weeks in the couple of months following the diagnosis nothing changed because it wasn't until I was in ninth grade that I quit playing basketball because I transferred from a pro from Ridgeview Christian school private school to Stuart shrap high school and that's when I put my wall because I just couldn't compete anymore because that's when my ankles and my legs started to become weaker I just couldn't compete with the public schools anymore because I just I wasn't getting better I was getting more so initially I was really ignorant so it did bother me at first it wasn't until I transferred into short strap that I was like what now like I was real depressed because all of my like my best friends everybody I grew up with we grew up playing basketball together and they are still playing basketball at this point and I'm on the sideline watching and I'm like like why can't I be out there and that this is awesome time I started question God like is God even real like because if God is good why do I do things like this happen so it was like you said it was pivotal but it was hugely pivotable and starting integrated Uggs not really believing in God that much because I wasn't I was in a Christian School for eight years I grew up that way and started questioning God started hanging out with the wrong people because I couldn't play basketball with my buddies anymore so I needed to find a new crap people to hang out with where I could sit so it was like three words I would used to describe it was depression anxiety and constant worry yeah so that I would assume then like hearing you break that down man there's a lot there right the they're first dealing with the reality of life changing not just on a physical level but the community around you now your entire Friendship Circle is changing and so like right we're created a thriving community and when we take that away and that goes away overnight it can be life-shattering it could be it could just shake it shakes everything around us so you from what I heard you say you started to pursue a new group of friends and in that group of friends that's where there was access to drugs and all the stuff that you started to dabble with and the drugs became the coping mechanism to deal with the Escape right that's that's what we hear a lot of people think it's just about the substance and there is pleasure in using of course but really more it's the escape from the trauma that we're experiencing right that's really what we're looking to deal with we're looking to cope with the pain at any level that we can and and so substances oftentimes become a quick fix right and so could you maybe speak to that a little bit how did that begin like what was the mental process like if you can remember of like the first time you picked something up right so with my background growing up I you're taught that these things are bad like you don't do this like drugs you're not going to graduate high school you're going to be homeless like all to the extreme so I remember like initially I was like oh man I don't know about that like that's not right but that's like at first it was just a little bit of weed it was just a little bit nothing not a big deal but then it became like prescription drugs and that was it to be honest it was exciting at first because I was so sheltered in this community of growing up in a Christian family in a Christian School with Christian friends I did I'd never been around this thing right it was exciting and with not playing basketball and like getting that Rush that excitement this was that new Rush and if it were like now if I was looking in through a window looking back at that I'm like dude what are you doing don't do this is like this is not good no you get out of there but in the time I was I did think like that at all man I was like I said if I still believed in God I wasn't happy with them so it was like I'm gonna do what I want to do I'm going to seek the pleasure I'm going to get my dopamine kick so it was like I couldn't tell you the exact time that I first picked up something I know for a fact outside of marijuana it was prescription manglers and like Xanax and Klonopin and things like that were those described or were you kindness in the street okay all right so but I just remember like getting excited about it honestly because it was something new something I'd never been a part of or dabbled in and like this new group of friends was like accepting like they didn't look at me as like the disabled guy or somebody that has these issues I was just like another buddy and we're gonna get how to get wow dude so the longing because it's cool right like not cool but listening to like what's going on in the transition you had this adrenaline rush right because you said in eighth grade it didn't really hit you after you got diagnosed so it's like this adrenaline rush is high and then it slowly but surely begins to dissipate and so reality begins to settle in and you're like whoa like this is my life now like I don't play ball anymore like what do I do and so as Justin was mentioning earlier the power of community so you have this community that was established now you're having to relearn how to do things everything all over again yeah and so it's interesting how the enemy works and operates right because like you said like looking back through a window if you could you would have been like man what am I doing right like but you don't understand that God had a plan yeah right like and I think often at times when we're in our mess we don't see God's plan because he's outside of time right and we're not so therefore it causes a lot of disruption and I think personally man like as I've been doing a few of these interviews now like a lot of it man the spiritual warfare right like it's a spiritual attack on someone's life and so we don't understand this as young individuals because the interviews that we've done man everybody has a similar story in that there was a traumatic event in their Early Childhood years and as they've developed and matured over time they began to have flashbacks if you will which caused and led to addiction problems right to numb and suppress the pain that they've encountered for however many years right and maybe still are encountering right and so like now you're you're where you're at but so like what was the transition out of this phase of addiction like what came about like how did you rekindle your love for God again man like talk to us about that if you can yeah so when I really got me out of the cycle of using drugs and partying and doing all these things really a big point was graduating high school because people move away next areas of your life start and I wasn't around all of those people now like I said earlier at the very beginning this was just one cycle of addiction comes in forms and addiction to pornography followed me into adulthood and addiction really works the same way no matter what it's it's it's what you're addicted to because it's it's a brain it's man it's the way the brain works it's a way to mind The Dope music happening exactly yeah so but really a big part of my life was beating my wife right because she grew up in a very Christian household and I was like man I looked at myself like a bum almost I'm like dude like I can't be doing this stuff anymore like I had one of my best friends in high school one of his friends overdosed and died and that was like a point I'm like dude I cannot this can't happen to me like here's a guy went to school with and he died in his apartment alone because he overdose on drugs and it really scared me I was I didn't want to do I didn't want that to be my life I didn't want my parents to find my body like I did I was almost Scared Straight if you ever watched that show but it was being scared but also me meeting my wife and getting around getting away from the group of people that I was doing all these things with so were you still in church during this whole episode of like being an addiction no this that this was the very beginning point because my wife ultimately got me back in church okay so this is hallelujah for the wife yep sorry I read it but yeah without right for sure but no I wasn't in church at this point because right when I met her I quit really hanging out and I was stuck to her hip she like that threat of relationships driving so much of this right well losing the friendships seeking the new relationships that were unhealthy and then finding like ultimately a solid person in your wife that was able to drive you back to the Cross I think a lot about the friends in the scripture that they took their buddy and they cut a hole in the roof and carried them down to Jesus and it's like the value of those type of people in our life that are just so well I'm so passionate about us and ultimately faith is personal yes but man when you got people in your life encouraging you to do the right thing encouraging you to go further after Jesus encouraging you to get closer to the Lord stay in your word show up at church what I'm saying like do these things that all contribute to the faith it's like it can be a game changer and that's what I'm hearing from your story right it's like you started to make some moves in the right direction but then you met your wife and she's just on it for Jesus she's on fire for Jesus and I would say it's safe to say that fire spread to you oh absolutely yeah well dude if I could say something Justin just to piggyback on what you just mentioned man I really believe that your wife saw value in you that you never really found in yourself 100 and so like the power behind having someone come in your life and see the potential in your Brokenness and then you hearing those words washed over you is so freeing and refreshing like I remember when I was in Teen Challenge and a Gentleman came up to me and like just spoke these powerful words over my life and it made me feel hope again yeah and so this season of your life you're hopeless and this woman comes into your life and breathes life back into your lungs dude like how amazing is that like we need Community essentially is where I'm getting at like we need people in our corner and your basketball buddies was that for you and it was lost and like he used this individual this vessel to be that again and so that's that's awesome bro yeah like when I testimony part of that a big portion of that is my wife meeting wild wife because you don't know this Justin does because we talked about it on the very first podcast but like I was so depressed because of my disease I hated myself so much like I didn't ever believe that I would find my person my like a woman because I hated myself how could somebody else come into my life and love me when I did love me and so when I got that I was like that was such like an icebreaker for me coming back to Jesus because how am I supposed to trust Jesus love him if I couldn't love myself and she loved me and taught me how to love myself again I could like I hated looking at myself in the mirror because I'm so physically disabled that like I just I thought for sure there was no my kids and all right sorry go ahead yeah I'm go ahead no were you done my computer made a noise my bad no difficulties yeah y'all gotta excuse me if I'm like outside of my mind tonight like I sat down to do some work last night at like 12 o'clock and just kept going and so I didn't go to sleep and then I finally took a nap this afternoon at like three like one o'clock to like five o'clock so I'm like going four hours of sleep so if you really need to be interviewing Justin right now folks we probably trying to rebuild his life but yeah it was just that was a huge part of ending my cycle of addiction to drugs now like I said I still struggle with addiction of things after this but that was a big one because I learned how to love myself again and there was no I didn't feel like I needed to cope for hatred of myself of like being depressed and trying to be happy and trying to get away from anxiety not knowing if one day I'm gonna be in a wheelchair or whatever it is so I really I found Hope in her again which then obviously led to coming back to Jesus but it definitely started with her wow so what tool okay go ahead Justin no I was just gonna say man like you one of the things I heard a missionary say I was at a church service a few months ago and he made a profound statement that Arrested my attention where he said that we understand in the Christian Life there's going to be a level of suffering a measure of suffering no matter where we are in life but the beauty of the faith is being able to find that Joy in that hope in the middle of that right and so what I've heard is like initially when you started to cope with some of the trauma and the suffering that you were experiencing drugs became the Escape right and so how has Christ infused some of that hope back into your life because one of the things that is unique I think about your story and coming on here is that this is a battle you're still facing right the reality is that you went through that caused you to start using way back then that hasn't changed in you and yet you found this place of contentment in Christ to be able to pursue your purpose in the middle of that and so can you maybe unpack that a little bit Carter how you've got to that point where you're able to find that help and that joy in the middle of what is reality yeah absolutely man and first and foremost it started with reading the Bible reading scripture like having like getting my old Foundation out of the way and building a new foundation on scripture I remember when I started reading through Jane this James chapter one counted Audrey that suffering like I read that and that like blew my mind like at first it was like and I can't I'm not great with memorizing scripture knowing word for word but like it didn't make sense because how am I supposed to be joyful how do I look at suffering and get happy about it so I really dug into that and prayed about that a lot because at this point I really believed in God again I believe that Jesus was Lord I believe that the Bible was real so I'm reading this from a standpoint of okay if it says it's true it's real now trying to get hope get joy whole another ball game like you could I don't feel it but it started with reading and then prayer and it was really one day I was at work and this is Again part of my testimony but like I really had this additional Whisperer in my year and it just said trust me like I was still pretty anxious because like you said Justin this is an ongoing battle for me and where I'm at now versus five years ago or years ago completely different but it just hit me and it was just a whisper in my ear it just kept saying trust me but it was like I just showed me that everything I had gone through was part of his plan and Justin this but without my disease without my suffering I would have never met my wife because I would have joined the Marine Corps and without my wife I would have never found Jesus and all of these things it was like dominoes man like it was a perfect plan because the most important question that we ask ourselves in life as Believers is where am I going when I die right am I gonna go to heaven when I die like that's the most important question is who do you believe in who's your salvation name but then the second most important question that I found was who are you bringing with you wow and that's I get my joy from having purpose in the body of Christ and my purpose comes from having a disability from being disabled because I might have an ability or an opportunity to speak to somebody that a normal person wouldn't and I that's right first my purpose but another big one is this is very the Bible calls our lives like tense they're so temporary here that like I have hope of Heaven that's really where my hope comes from this Heaven knowing that I'm not going to be here for very long it's such a problem on tomorrow I could get off this podcast and have a heart attack and die I could be an eternity with Jesus so like is looking starting with the end in mind I guess to put it like in a phrase and starting with the end in mind is knowing that this is so temporary yeah it reminds me what Paul said we have this treasure in Earthen vessels right to show that this power is not of us but it's of God and it's it's that treasure man that is inside of us and knowing that like we are butt flawed people and or Broken Vessels we have bodies that are deteriorating we have lives that are nothing but a vapor but eternity is that much bigger and when Our Eyes Are Fixed On eternity it makes the purpose it that it makes the whole purpose piece of what our lives are here for makes sense and I think that's part of the that's one of the things I think a lot of people that continue to deal with this cycle of relapse so often they it's like addiction's all about either numbing pain or seeking pleasure and they never get beyond the now and start looking into eternity and so it's all about what can I do to fix what I'm feeling in this moment instead of understanding that life I am flawed I'm gonna face pain I'm gonna face hardship I'm gonna face traumatic experiences in my life all of that is going to happen but no matter what this world throws at me I have the hope of Heaven that is right before me and when we are eternally minded right when we're focused on something bigger than just this Earth then it allows us to continue to move forward knowing that this is nothing but a short season and man that whole section right there that you just unpacked Carter was just was really good dude yeah it's really good dude go ahead man sorry no go ahead I was gonna say another scripture that was really impacted for me was second Corinthians chapter 12 with Paul storm talks about my grace is sufficient like Paul beg God to take away this Thorn we don't know what that is physical or a mental or what whatever that could be an addiction someone's Thorn could be addiction and every time Paul begs the god to say take it away from me oh my God take it away every time God just says my grace is sufficient like my grace is all that you need and that was huge well I and dude just to like to unpack that too a little bit something that I've been discovering and you guys both hit the nail on the head with it but you said you made a statement Carter that you've learned to see the end from the beginning when you understand the completed work of the cross death burial and Resurrection you live in this place that's what Joy is that's Joy because it's already been done despite what I'm currently going through the reality is that my life is no longer my own when I've accepted Christ into my heart as Paul says in Galatians Chapter 2 verses 20. I no longer live but Christ lives in me right he said he'd been crucified and he no longer lives and so there's there's this understanding that becomes revealed to those that are intimate and in relationship with God when you are known by God and God you're able to live a life of true Freedom oh yeah but the reality is that we're often unwilling to let God in okay when he's knocking at the door of our heart and so people that are going through addiction are crying out to God unbehold but yet don't want to let him in when he uses a vessel the means god uses people right so he might use a me or he might use a you Carter or you Justin right and we reject it because it's foreign to us in the culture that we live in today that's so self-centered to have an individual actually extend their hand like the Samaritan yeah that's really good all right sorry let me get my thoughts together I forgot we're live for a second it's impactful dude like you have an amazing like it blows me away that you're going through what you're going through with this disease like you're stronger than I am man it's crazy because I hear that so much and to me it's hard for me to wrap my brain around because it's my life it's my story I don't think it's anything different from the next person like we all have struggle one thing like we always hear you're gonna do two like things in life you're gonna pay taxes right and you're gonna die but I always had a you're gonna struggle life's gonna suck at some point or another life is not always good and a lot of the times life is worse than it is good in many areas you don't see that and social media is so bad about it this day because you only see good parts of people's lives people that open and I think that's a whole nother topic because that leads to anxiety and depression on other people's end of life like why don't I have this nice of a car this much money like this other person the comparison but it is like it to me it's just it's weird but I knew that this was what I'm supposed to be doing because when I get excited when I get to do a podcast or when I get to go speak at a church or when I get to talk to somebody about Jesus I get that same feeling like when I was gonna go and get high and get that right like yeah that so tell me about that first time that you got the opportunity to minister to someone and you knew that your story could make an impact on somebody else because I remember the first time I was invited to share my testimony when I was a student and Teen Challenge now in the residential recovery programs like TC we didn't have an option like they put a mic in our hand and we got to go up and share and so we got our stage fright real quick but I'll I'll never forget one week that I was there I was on this choir service and I was trying to leave the program I was having a bad day and I'm like I just don't want to do this thing anymore I'm done this place is terrible they can't help me yada I went through the whole gamut I had my stuff packed and everything and I'll never forget going to the choir service that Sunday and the pastor knew what I was going through but I think he understood the power of Overcoming By the blood of the lamb and the word of Our Testimony because he put the mic in my hand anyways and I got up and shared a test share my testimony and it was like okay I'm mad at this program right now but everything God has done in my life despite what I'm feeling about the program right now is still true right and I got up and began to articulate that from the stage and this is the part that really got me and why I remember the story so vividly because as I was leaving the church I was still leaving right I did my thing I testified told people about Jesus I was still done with teen challenge wasn't done with Jesus but I was done with CC and as I was walking out this mom stopped me in the foyer this older woman and she looked at me and she said Justin I just want to tell you that you remind me of my son and I was completely without hope today like you guys look like each other you could be twins and your story gave me hope that I was desperately lacking today and I went back to the center personally and I was just like dude how could I have been so selfish right but then the motivation like oh my gosh God can use my pain for something good and so what about when did that like I'm sure you've had a similar experience sharing your story so when did that click for you so like the very first time that I did it very publicly was when I did it at Bridge but one of the first times I wasn't really one-on-one there was someone that was going to the church they had a diagnosis with cancer that was gonna end with going to be with Jesus and they knew that they were struggling to find Hope and after they had heard my testimony at church they wanted to meet with me so I met with her and she did recently pass but met with her husband with the pastor and we just talked and she told me that like they watched it online and she watched it again over and oh deeper hope and that like rocked me man like yeah like her company to talk to me helped me more than talking to her because wow it was same as you it was like God can use me and like how can I be so ignorant because the entire scripture is about God using broken people to make a difference and like that was a game changer for me because I just I couldn't believe that she somebody wanted to talk to me about my story that it gave them hope it gave them Faith someone that was dying and they were able to get hope again even though they knew how their story was going to end they knew they just gave them hope that they were going to go be with Jesus and or and man that was I still remember it like it was yesterday and yeah wow I had opted through that's like what I want to live my life to do things like that I want to speak I want to be I wish I want to be like modern day I want to be an incur I want to encourage man because you never know what people are going to go through what one little word of encouragement it sounds like both of you guys have had some point somebody said something to you and it just changed your the trajectory of your life yeah that's one of the things I know Robert one of the things that I used to tell people all the time and I still hold on to his like man freedom from addiction is not a destination as a starting point right and it really changes the project trajectory of Our Lives I was on I interviewed a guy that directs a christian-based recovery program in Texas Jeff Johnson and his interviews on the channel if you guys want to go check that out but he made that comment as well he said people that have been spared from addiction and like that have been saved the way that we have like it's just hard not to take that and do something with it what I'm saying and like there's there's almost like this I'm just not content in my life unless I'm sharing the good news of the Gospel right it's 17 years after doing math I still talk about it because like and I think that's the part of Salvation and how man being radically saved and met by Jesus in the middle of our mess like that's not just a religious exercise for me right that's not just I didn't just say a cute prayer on Sunday morning and fill the card out and put my hand up and all that's fine but like it was a radical and it like rocked my world it changed my life the reality of everything that I was living and so it's like how do I not do something with this and I'm I hear that drive in you ear Carter and Rob of course being on the show too like there's just this yeah I may not go jump on to Pulpit every week but like there's just this drive in this purpose and every season of life like my life is about the gospel now like it's about the good news because I it's not just have it's not just Earth it's Heaven it's eternity and you said it earlier Carter I want to take as many people with me as I can and that's that drive right and that sustains Freedom there's so much purpose in that like man I can't go back right like how do I go back and hang out in the pig pen again if you will when I've tasted the goodness and the glory of God in my life it doesn't compare I think this goes back to a conversation that we had earlier today off the podcast Justin and this is being one with God right this is the Shema hear o Israel the Lord your God the Lord is one right God is in relationship right God the Father Son and the Holy Spirit right when we become one with God it's no longer two visions it's one yeah and that's why Jesus said in Matthew 6 33 seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness seek first the kingdom of who of God and we are so wanting to fulfill our desires our wishes our plans but Bible tells us time and time after again in Psalms and in Proverbs commit your way to the Lord right roll your ideas your plans onto the Lord and He will act on it but talking about what you guys were just addressing and Justin you were like unpacking it for me but in darkness things are created and our pain and our hurt think about a seed right when you have a seed whether it's an apple seed or orange seed whatever it may be it's planted in the dark and you don't see what's happening in the dark there's a struggle during that germination process before that seed ever comes and Sprouts to the surface and that's what God is doing with each and every single one of our lives he's putting us in a dark place so that he can cultivate and work in us his plans and his ideas so that when we come out on the other side we can testify about how good God has been from the very beginning you might not even know God yet but God is at work in you so don't discredit your pain as if it's a lost cause because there's purpose that you can't see because it's taking place in a dark place amen purpose often comes packaged is pay right that's so good dude say that again man I'm sorry say that wow but like what is it a bamboo seed like when you plant bamboo it doesn't it takes like three or four years before it reaches the surface nervistic grows something like six inches a week but it's same thing man for me it was 12 years 12 or 13 years before I finally saw the light like before all of this made purpose to me yeah like before it all made sense not purpose before it all made sense and then I found my purpose but it was all found when I submitted to Christ because Jesus didn't die to start a religion Jesus died to start a relationship that's so good so it was until I clung to that was like this was when my life changed let me ask you this is I know this is like on another agenda or topic if you will but Carter how did you learn to give yourself Grace that after transitioning from your addiction finding hope like because you said like you struggle with pornography nicotine probably I'm sure we're still there here and there I don't know if you're still struggling with that or whatnot but how did you learn to not allow that to like determine your identity yeah man it all comes back to Jesus because I almost didn't give myself Grace like I would get so mad every time there'd be a relapse I would get so angry but then I would remember I can't again I'm not right with remembering I can tell you a lot about scripture but I can't quote scriptures word well we're going to put that against you dude if getting going head to head with myself that's that tells that you have the spirit of God in you because the spirit fights against the flesh come on there it is so it was like that blew my mind when I found that out I'm like I'm dealing with this because the spirit of God is in me it's telling things aren't good for you that's why I'm struggling to give myself Grace right what that's the spirit fighting the flesh the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak so weak but the spirit is willing so man I don't know if that answered your question It did because I think the thing is man for a lot of our viewers right like they come out of addiction and they may think in their mind right like I thought of my mind that everything needed to be perfect right away right like there was no like if I slipped I was like oh man on my backside I'm a terrible Christian now like did he like yeah sure you sin and you lose the Holy Spirit right no oh God's not with me anymore like oh man like I messed up it's like no dude stop chill out you're not walking on a tightrope right so what do you do for work now man no I I sold cars for like five years but now I sell wholesale parts for vehicles so sell parts are like body shops and mechanical shots like if you hit get in a wreck with your car I'm probably selling the shop fix your car but that's that's my day-to-day job this is what I want to do for my life whether that when I say professional Ministry I want to I just want to talk about Jesus forever for like all day I don't know if that's faster but this is what I'm passionate about is just talking about Jesus helping people encouraging people showing people right at the end of the tunnel so yeah have a job but this is really what matters right it's where you feel fulfilled it's good absolutely got something I'm sorry I was just over here trying to respond to some comments and stuff like I'm I'm a terrible multitasker so like it's one of those things we like to think that we multitask nobody really multitask well something always pays the price so no man I just man I really appreciate like just the transparency and the honesty Carter and for those who are watching the live stream now I did drop the first interview that I did with Carter in the comments so that you can go back and check that out here on the Facebook page it's also over on our YouTube but man so as you continue to go out like your Heart Right is to continue to share and on and all of that what's the message on your heart right now like what's the word that God's got planted deeply in you for this season of life that you're sharing with people and on would you just maybe speak to that to encourage those who are watching tonight Yeah man so I'm actually I'm working on a message right now I don't know when I'm gonna share it but I want to have something ready for when that opportunity comes up is purpose and pain is that no matter what you go through God can use it and really the foundation of that is even if it's bad God did it didn't make that bad thing happen necessarily it's like in Luke I 21 maybe when Satan asks God to sift or say or to sift Peter of his weak and Jesus lets him if he doesn't cause it to happen so like when bad things happen how can we use this through our ability when I gave my testimony last time one of my biggest points was your disability if you will whether that be a mental disability depression anxiety you can turn and flip and use it as a weapon to propel the kingdom of God like know what God is going to do with a certain circumstance or situation like when the first I just went blank and lost the guy's name the first martyr in Acts who is it Stephen that's so when Stephen ill you look at that and you're like man that's bad that's not a good thing but two verses later in chapter eight because of what happened to Stephen the Believers were scared and they scattered and what they did when they scattered they spread the good news about Jesus everywhere that they went so like there is silver lining in everything and it just to help people see the Silver Lining how they can use their pain their suffering their disability whatever it is for God for the purpose so that's where I'm passionate about man that's that's what I'm working on if I can give you a little nugget to share for your message man is something has to die in order for it to live yeah we have to die in order for us to live right Christ had to die in order for us to get life right yeah everything dies before it ever lives and until you learn to die you'll never live yeah good yeah I love the fact that like we talk about that a lot like and we're rapping reaching the end of the hour but like man like my the thing the tool that the enemy his best tactic against me was my meth addiction and I make a mockery of him every time I talk about it openly hey like I am laughing in the face this is my spiritual enemy every time I talk about that thing openly and I don't let it become a source of Shame for me I don't let it become a source of weakness like man there are a lot of people and I'm not knocking anybody that doesn't choose to talk about this stuff openly I do think there is a mandate as Believers to share our testimonies now you and the Lord can work out how much detail you go into with your past and all of that but like I will forever have my before and after pictures on my Facebook profile and the entire world can see sucked up face Justin because that's not who I am anymore right and so I don't there's no hiding that like it is what it is and all the pain all the suffering all the hardship whatever the enemy's best arrows were that he was throwing at us when we get out there and we testify of that we continue to speak to the goodness of God in the middle of that like we're making a mockery I heard a worship leader say not too long ago God loves to make a mockery of his enemies by sending his children to the battle and that like boom it's like that's good I'm sending my kids like I can't even be bothered with like I'm I'm sending my children to fight this Warfare but what we know about the Lord is the Same Spirit that's in US is in him is in us and so we're there it says ambassadors his representative and we have every bit of authority from Heaven behind us when we go to wage war against our enemy and so man just putting that stuff out there and just saying what I'm just going to testify and let me know when you finish that message we'll have you to Brookside to share it so let's go I'll be there man so we'll get you on the calendar man I'm excited so did you have any parting thoughts man as we wrap up Rob Carter sorry I just I really appreciate you having me on man if there's anything I can ever do for anybody that's listed someone needs a word of encouragement I'm sure you can hit up either with these two guys you can hit up me dressed in or you can put the other video in there yeah during the post so they can find your page and follow you guys gift card or follow he's got a page where he shares some of his speaking stuff and encouragement and scriptures and all that so awesome that sounds great need encouragement yeah Carter I just want to say thank you dude so much I learned a lot from you today and so you ministered to me bro just by your story and I think that's like one of my parting words to those the audience like your story can even be impactful to somebody that you might think is superior to you yeah you never know that's why the testimony is so powerful man you just don't know like you can preach to somebody all day long and that doesn't necessarily make sense to everybody but people can understand a story they can understand the struggle because that's what everybody has in common man so when somebody struggle and getting out of it you just don't know I always recommend people tell your testimony as you have it write it down