He Lost Everything... But God Met Him in the Wreckage: Rocco’s Story

Have you ever spent three and a half years building something only to lose it all in 30 days? Rocco did. After three and a half years clean, serving, and leading, he ended up relapsing hard. But God wasn't done with his story. This conversation that you're getting ready to see is raw, powerful, and full of grace. Let's get into it. Roco, how's it going, man? Good, man. Good. You're just a few days away from finishing your time here in Virginia, heading back to North Carolina to move in with some family, get a job and all that, man. what's going on in your heart right now? just six months ago, I was in such a bad spot spiritually that, I didn't really know if I was going to be able to get back to this spot. it's not tough or it's not easy. laying it all down and coming back into a program and stuff and but the Lord has just worked wonders with me while being here. and it's been such a blessing to just be able to get out of the world and get back in the word. and just yeah, get that relationship back right with Christ, and just and work on myself. so with that being said, I'm just I'm super blessed and grateful because I don't deserve it. It's all Jesus and Yeah. You've been through a Teen Challenge program before. Y So what brought you to Teen Challenge years ago the first time? so yeah, I've been down the road of addiction for 17 years, all my adulthood and most of my teens. And it was just it was like being on a merrygoround, man. Just same thing in and out of jails, charge after charge, arrested after arrested. in and out of hospitals, overdose, overdose, just the same thing but worse and worse every time. And I finally got popped. and the court wasn't playing with me that time and they hit me with a pretty heavy sentence and I had to lay it down for a while and that was really the first time in my addiction that I I had any long stint to really clear my head and really get some time under my belt, sober time and really reflect on what I had done and what I have been doing for the last 17 years and evaluate the wreckage and through sober eyes . Yeah. Cuz when you're out there running you don't have time to do that you're just chasing the next high. And so I was there for roughly a year and I was at a point where my family wanted nothing to do with me. They weren't talking to me for good reason. in jail for a year. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And they didn't talk to me almost the whole time I was in there. And I was just I was at rock bottom. there was no light at the end of the tunnel that I could see and facing more charges and just it was so much uncertainty and it was so much to deal with and when I was in that jail, there was there was a great group of godly men in there that were seeking the Lord and I had become pretty tight with them and I remember they would, I would sleep most of the day and stuff and they'd come wake me up out of the bunk and stuff "Hey, man, come on. you got to get in the Bible study, prayer circle, all these things." And that those little things right there, you don't realize it, but that's God working through them, planting those seeds, and that's what it did. And with being in there a whole year and getting into the word and stuff I finally figured out like maybe this Jesus is what I need. Maybe this is what I've been searching for forever. Yeah. And so that led me to the end of my sentence and I had my mom had just started talking to me a little bit towards the end to feel out what direction I was going to be doing when I got out and stuff. And I cried out for help and was like I need something. I've done the 30-day, the 90-day program, secular programs, the detoxes, the just about everything. But, my sister had found this place called Dare Challenge and down the Outer Banks and they sent me a brochure of what it was all about and everything involved and all this. And I remember reading that thing and it said it was 8 to 12 months long. And I was "Well, not going to that. That's crazy. I just did a year. I need more than 30 days, but not a year." Yeah. I was "I just did a year in jail." And my mom told me, what's different from all the other programs is Jesus is the center of this, . And so, I prayed on it. I talked to some of those guys in those Bible studies about it and stuff and I something I didn't know then but I know now it was the Holy Spirit but something was nudging me to just do it. It was like if you want a big change in your life you got to make a big change. And so that's what I did man. I committed to it and I told myself I said no matter what I do or whatever, if I don't get anything else out of this, I'm going to at least complete it because I'm famous for not completing anything. And so that's what I did, man. And it led me there. And I remember two like two and a half months into it, dude. I was so ate up with just like hate and my girlfriend, she had been cheating on me the whole time, lying to me and just all this stuff that I found out towards the end and I remember I went in there and I was just ate up inside. And about two and a half months into it, man, things just started changing, bro. so let's fast forward to you go to jail, you have this experience, the Lord worked on you clearly through their challenge. If you had to pinpoint maybe either what was missing or maybe personally what was missing or what shifted when you left that led back to relapse, right? Like what took place there? This moment right here, this is why we started Team Hope. Because relapse doesn't have to be the end of the story. Your monthly support helps us reach guys like Rocco with disciplehip, community, and hope in Jesus. Join Team Hope today and be a part of somebody's comeback. The biggest thing I would say was I didn't stay plugged in. that group of people that I had grown with while I was there for those three and a half years, spiritual brothers, church family, all those things that the Lord helped me build, I did not stay connected to that. And I can only speak for myself but somebody that was so radically stuck in addiction I know for myself I have to be exactly that energy or more towards Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. so u and we all know how life can get you start working doing all these things and next thing it's like you're sitting there telling yourself I don't have time to go to church and I don't have time to make it to the Bible study. I'm tired and all the things of the world. And I this last time man I learned and I learned the hard way. that is the most important thing like all the other stuff comes later. So how long was it before you cut the community off right distanced yourself till you ended up relapsing again? How long did that process take for you? so it was roughly u about 5 months. It wasn't long. Okay. and when I did relapse, it was definitely a condemnation thing. it was it wasn't just dip my toe in here or there. It was I dipped my toe in and then that shame and guilt came upon me and next thing I was jumping off the diving board head first. So that's all taking place. what made you pick up the phone to reach out for help? so the old saying is it never gets better and they always say you pick up where you left off. So that's what happened with me, man, was like I said, I didn't dip my toe in. It was I was right back where I left off three years ago. And and it got bad what the Lord built in three and a half years. I tore it all down in 30 days. I ended up back in jail, another charge. charge. charge. family, upset with me. homeless. blew through all my money. The prodical son. Yeah. Yeah. How was your relationship with your family during all that? Like because I know I imagine there was quite a bit of progress in rebuilding, right? Some of those relationships, the three and a half years. at that moment like what was taking place like you're everything's falling apart. You just said like I destroyed everything that I built three and a half years. How did that impact your family dynamic and whatnot? I have the best family in the world. I know this time was had to have been very rough on them just because of how far I had came and then how quick I had threw it all away. Yeah. so I know this was very tough for them. them. them. and luckily by God's grace, it was only I shouldn't say only, but it was a 30-day about 30 day relapse. And then that's when I realized it's it's it's time to get back up on the horse, and start seeking God again. And so there in that 30 days, they had to cut me off, cuz I was ripping and running, doing my own thing again, acting a fool. And they've got to protect their guard their own heart, at some point. Yeah. Because so how would you describe if you had to describe what they were experiencing during that time? Would you say it was discouragement, anger, still believing, maybe a combination of all of it? Like how would you describe what they what you were experiencing? Like what emotions they were showing you? So I would have to say probably a little bit of everything. but definitely probably a lot of disappointment and just confusion. I'm sure they were confused. I was confused and I was the one out there, and my family, my sister and them, they had showed me so much trust by, allowing me to move in with them and help me out in that aspect. And so I'm sure there was a lot of anger too, righteous anger. What I they had every right to be angry at me. And I'm sure a lot of concern and worry too because like I said, I was out there pretty hard this last time and so that sat on me pretty heavy when I first got into the program this time because it just yeah, you'd go that come that far in three and a half years and then you dive that deep back in it and Yeah. So, how's like in this process the last six, seven months like how's what does healing look like? have you made any progress in your relationships? I know you're moving in with a family member, so I'm assuming that's a good sign, right? Absolutely. So, how's that looking like? What is the healing process look like with you guys as you've been talking over the last few months? So, as the Lord does, man, he's so good. He has completely restored my relationship with my mother, my father, my grandmother, my dad or my sister, my brother-in-law, my nephews, they were pretty upset with me, too. but manning up, admitting I was wrong. and taking the steps to come get in this program and do the work, and, God working in my heart and also working in them too, . yeah, man. and they've just showed me complete forgiveness and they just want to see me do better and do the best be the best I can, and that's I'm I'm super blessed to have that in my life because I don't know where I'd be without any of them. Yeah. You said your family cut you off for right reasons, right? During that time when you were out running hard. Yeah. If your mom could have wrote you a letter in the middle of that season, what do you think it would have said? That's a good question. I think it would have said, Rocco, I love you, but just know while you're living this lifestyle. lifestyle. lifestyle. I can't live it with you. I can't walk it with you. So until you figure it out, just know I love you, but don't come to me when everything crumbles. Yeah. It's interesting when we put ourselves in the shoes of the people that we hurt, right, the most. Yeah. And it's such a sensitive thing to talk about, but like man, I think you start to get to this place of clear mind, clear thinking, and you realize it. And then like we just re we recognize and then we try to do the best we can to repair and restore. we can't go back and redo things, but it's such a huge thing, man. So, let's talk about this season of restoration. you've come through TC getting ready to go home. what would you say is different in this season with you versus any former season spiritually, emotionally, physically, whichever? but if you just had to describe what's different in this season. I put myself I put a lot of pressure on myself when I got out of the program the first time before my relapse. And I almost think it was a it wasn't healthy type of pressure. I'm not saying go put yourself at a bar, what ? But, I almost made it to where I, if somebody was smoking a cigarette or drinking a beer near me, I was oh, I can't even be around them or, I can't even look at them or type of deal. And, that led me to a lonely place in my head. because the reality is the stuff is just about everywhere. what ? and so that led me to like isolation, I guess you could say. And good. And it was a lonely place in spiritually. And and with that pressure I, it made me fold in a way. And so this time around, I' I've got a I'm really stepping into, God has delivered me. I'm not I don't have the cravings to go get high and stuff like that. And I have to live as a new creation like the Bible tells me. I have to walk in that. And so this time around I've definitely got my my boundaries up and stuff but I'm also not living as a statue a Christian stat statue if you will what because yeah that got me last time and next thing it's like I don't have any I can't even talk to anyone I feel like about anything because and so this time around I'm be a little more easier on myself and just keep myself plugged in and stay around the right people definitely stay in like CR I'll go back to my Bible studies my church stuff like that but yeah recovery is so interesting, especially disciplehip programs because rules and boundaries are necessary. Right. For helping us hold it together when we're not strong enough to hold it together ourselves. But if we're not careful, rules and boundaries can easily turn into legalism. Yeah. And then we end up setting standards for ourselves that we can't ever keep. Yeah. Right. And that's the difference between the law and the grace. Right. And it's like that shift that's required from rules to relationship. Yeah. Like I need the structure. I need the people around me early on to tell me what to do. I need to stay away from all those people that are smoking cigar at the very beginning. Right. Yeah. But then there's this spot where like you can't live a teen challenge rule book in the real world. Right. Right. what I'm saying? That's what I was doing trying to We were in Long Island in our program. You couldn't even talk to women. Yeah. Like it was that tight. Like we're a little looser here at SBTC. We do stuff at the table. We let people have conversations. it's not as tight as that, right? But at Long Island, you couldn't even talk to him. You couldn't look at him. Yeah. So, when I got home, started dating and like interesting and engaging with my wife. Yeah. Like I was awkward as heck, dude. Like I can't look at her. Like it's so strange, but there is that, man. You make a good distinction there. You use the word boundaries, and I really I really like that. one of the phrases that I like to use about Teen Challenge is that Jesus is the program. Yeah. Right. And so like what does that mean to you, right? And what does that look like daytoday? Jesus is the program. program. program. like Jesus in my everyday life. Let me phrase it. Teen Challenge. People ask what's the model for Teen Challenge? Well, how is it different than other recovery programs? Typically my response is Jesus is the program. Yeah. What does that look like to you? so absolutely. you're exactly right. like I said earlier, I've been to I can't even count how many rehabs and stuff in the past. and all of it came down to me having to do all this on my own, on my own strength, . whereas my first program around I figured out halfway through that it's like it's not on my own strength. Like I'm surrendering this addiction to God. I'm giving him I'm giving this to God. Yeah. It's good. I don't have to carry this baggage around anymore. I don't have to carry the the weight of my shame and my guilt. I don't have to carry those things that I've done. Yes, I'm not proud of him, but that's not who I am. And the Bible talks clearly about Jesus and his forgiveness. And once I surrendered all that stuff and I really started walking in who God really is man it was a lifecher and that's that's the whole model for Teen Challenge in the program is it's not the little rules and the making your bed every day and stuff like that. Yeah, that stuff's important, but the model of it is when you walk out those doors that Jesus is in your heart. And that's good. So because if Jesus is in your heart and you keep him there daily, you're not going to fail. You may fall down and scrape your knee once or twice or bump your head. we're going to be doing that the rest of our life. But Jesus is the key to it all. He'll pick us up, dust us off, and it's all right, buddy. Keep it going. what ? Yes. If you had to over the last six months, if you had to pinpoint a breakthrough moment for you where that became real, how would you what would you describe that whether it be whatever happened, whether it be through your worship, prayer, word, or just something completely that I didn't even mention. If there was a breakthrough moment the last six months, what would that be? so a breakthrough moment I would have to say would it there were several, I wouldn't say it this time. It wasn't a go to an altar and kneel down and then boom, I had this big lightning bolt that came down and everything was fixed. But it was just in the daily seeing new guys and come in, seeing new guys come in. seeing the, the brokenness and the reminder of what God brought me out of because, I'm I'm bad about getting caught up in the dailies. checking the boxes and I'm quick to forget where God brought me from or I'm quick to forget where I was just 3 months ago. Yeah. And man, it's such a not that I want to see anyone hurt or broken or hurting, but when you see those guys come in and with their mess, and it's such a big reminder. It's Lord, wow. I was just there three months ago and look where I'm at now. giving my testimony at a church or, what ? And I think that's why it's so important to journal and keep those little I call them trophies if you will or whatever. something that you can look back on when you're having a bad day or you're going through something and you can say, "Wow, I was just in prison a year ago and now I'm leading a Bible study or whatever." And it's it's crazy that my mind can forget stuff like that, but that's huge, . Yeah. It's good. That's why it's so important for us. And it's not me, it's all God, . Yeah. It's really good. And that's why it's so important for us to stay connected to mission, right, and like doing things like even today we're here like you're right, homeless outreach, y'all are serving and whatnot. and beyond TC like having finding those moments to connect and I think it's it's the juxiposition of I was lost and now I'm found. Yeah. And I see it right. I see the lossness and I'm like man it brings about a gratitude and I love how you said just now I wouldn't say it was a breakthrough moment. It was moments. Yeah. And like how important is that for people to see the moments rather than looking for a big moment. Yeah. Yeah. it's very important. Yeah. So, man, just to close up the section of the conversation, let me say that again because they don't know that it's just a section. just to close up this section of the watermelon, cantaloupe, cantaloupe, watermelon. and just to close up the conversation, Rocco, final words, man, if you could speak directly to a mom or a dad that, may feel like it's too late for their kid, what do you say to them? I would say this because my mother has told me time and time again, but those prayers that they pray that they think aren't reaching heaven, they are. And I know for a fact my mom's prayers are the reason I'm sitting here. cuz she's prayed for me all my life and and my whole family, my grandmother both my grandmas and those prayers are so important because families get to a point to where they can't there's nothing that they can do. there's nothing else. They've tried everything. They've done everything and that, you've got to leave it in God's hands and let him do what he does. And so I would tell any mother out there struggling, those prayers are the most powerful thing that you can do for your loved one. And not to focus on in our timing, but God's timing. Yeah. because my mom prayed for almost 20 years before I came to the Lord and so yeah th those prayers are important man it's powerful well thanks so much man I appreciate you sitting down and chatting appreciate it man thank you it's been a good conversation