He Lost Everything... But God Met Him in the Wreckage: Rocco’s Story

The Journey of Recovery and Relapse

Have you ever spent three and a half years building something only to lose it all? In 30 days, Rocco did. After three and a half years clean, serving and leading, he ended up relapsing hard. But God wasn't done with his story. This conversation that you're getting ready to see is raw, powerful, and full of grace. Let's get into it.

Rocco, how's it going, man? Good, man. You're just a few days away from finishing your time here in Virginia, heading back to North Carolina to move in with some family, get a job, and all that, man. Like, what's going on in your heart right now? Just six months ago, I was in such a bad spot spiritually that I didn't really know if I was going to be able to get back to this spot. It's not tough or it's not easy laying it all down and coming back into a program and stuff. And the Lord has just worked wonders with me while being here. It's been such a blessing to just be able to get out of the world and get back in the Word and just get that relationship back, right, with Christ, you know, and just work on myself. So with that being said, I'm just super blessed and grateful because, you know, I don't deserve it. It's all Jesus.

The Impact of Addiction on Family Dynamics

You've been through a Teen Challenge program before. So what brought you to Teen Challenge years ago the first time? So yeah, I've been down the road of addiction for 17 years, basically on my adulthood and most of my teens. And it was just, it was like being on a merry-go-round and just saying thing in and out of jails, you know, charge after charge, arrested after arrested in and out of hospitals, overdose after overdose, you know, just the same thing but worse and worse every time. And I finally got popped and the court wasn't playing with me that time and, you know, they hit me with a pretty heavy sentence. And, you know, I had to lay it down for a while and that was really the first time in my addiction that I had any long stint to really clear my head and really get some sober time and really reflect on what I had done and what I had been doing for the last 17 years and, you know, kind of evaluate the wreckage through sober eyes.

And so I was there for roughly a year and, you know, I was at a point where my family wanted nothing to do with me, they weren't talking to me for good reason. Yeah, okay. And, you know, they didn't talk to me almost the whole time I was in there and, you know, I was just, I was at rock bottom. I mean, you know, there was no light at the end of the tunnel that I could see and, you know, facing more charges and just, it was so much uncertainty and it was so much to deal with. And when I was in that jail, you know, there was a great group of godly men in there that were seeking the Lord. And, you know, I had become pretty tight with them and they, I remember they would, you know, I would sleep most of the day and stuff and they'd come wake me up out of the bunk and stuff like, hey, man, come on, you know, you gotta get in the Bible study, prayer circle, all these things.

The Role of Community in Recovery

And, you know, those little things right there, you don't realize it, but, you know, that's God working through them, planting those seeds, and that's what it did. And, you know, with being in there a whole year and getting into the Word and stuff, you know, I finally figured out like, maybe this Jesus is what I need. Maybe this is what I've been searching for forever. And, so that led me to the end of my sentence and I had—my mom had just started kind of talking to me a little bit towards the end to kind of feel out what direction I was going to be doing when I got out and stuff. And, you know, I kind of cried out for help and was like, you know, I need something, you know, I've done the 30-day, the 90-day program, secular programs, the detoxes, just about everything. But my sister had found this place called Teen Challenge down in the Outer Banks and they sent me a brochure of, you know, what it was all about and everything involved in all this.

I remember reading that thing and it said it was eight to 12 months long and I was like, well, not going to that, that's crazy. I just did a year, I just did a year in jail and I'm not going a year. Yeah, I was like, I just did a year in jail and, you know, my mom told me, you know, what's different from all the other programs is Jesus is the center of this, you know, and so, you know, I prayed on it, I talked to some of those guys and those Bible studies about it and stuff, and, you know, something—I didn't know then, but I know now it was the Holy Spirit—something was nudging me to just do it. It was like, you know, if you want a big change in your life, you gotta make a big change.

And, so that's what I did, man, I committed to it and I told myself, I said, no matter what I do or whatever, if I don't get anything else out of this, I'm gonna at least complete it because I'm famous for not completing anything. And, so that's what I did, man, and it led me there, and I remember two, like, two and a half months into it, dude, I was so ate up with, just like, hate and, you know, my girlfriend, she had been cheating on me the whole time lying to me and just all this stuff that I found out towards the end. And I remember I went in there and I was just ate up inside. And, about two and a half months into it, man, things just started changing, bro.

So let's fast forward to, you know, jail, you have this experience, the Lord worked on you, clearly, through Teen Challenge. If you had to pinpoint, maybe either what was missing or maybe personally what was missing or what shifted when you left that kind of led back to relapse, right? Like, what took place there?

This moment right here, this is why we started Team Hope because relapse doesn't have to be the end of the story. Your monthly support helps us reach guys like Rocco, discipleship, community, and hope in Jesus. Join Team Hope today and be a part of somebody's comeback. The biggest thing I would say was, I didn't stay plugged in. You know, that group of people that I had grown with, why I was there for this three and a half years, spiritual brothers, church family, all those things that the Lord helped me build, you know, I did not stay connected to that.

And, you know, I can only speak for myself, but somebody that was so radically stuck in addiction, you know, I know for myself I have to be exactly that energy or more towards Jesus. So, you know, and we all know how life can get you, you know, you start working or, you know, doing all these things and next thing you know, you know, it's like sitting there telling yourself, I don't have time to go to church and I don't have time to make it to the Bible study, I'm tired, and all the things of the world. And, you know, this last time, man, I learned— and I learned the hard way—that is the most important thing. Like, all the other stuff comes later.

So how long was it before you cut the community off, basically, right, kind of distanced yourself till you ended up relapsing again? How long did that process take for you? Um, so it was roughly about five months, it wasn't long. Okay. Um, and, uh, when I did relapse, you know, it was definitely a condemnation thing, you know, it was, um, you know, it wasn't just kind of tap my toe in here or there, it was, I dipped my toe in, and then that shame and guilt came upon me, and next thing, you know, I was jumping off the diving board head first.

So, what made you pick up the phone to reach out for help? Um, so, you know, the old saying is, it never gets better, and, and, you know, they always say, um, you pick up where you left off. So, that's basically what happened with me, man, was, like I said, I didn't dip my toe in, it was, I was right back where I left off three years ago, and, um, and it got bad. What the Lord built in three and a half years, I tore all down in 30 days. I ended up back in jail, another charge, um, family, you know, upset with me, um, homeless, um, blew through all my money, the prodigal son’s way.

How was your relationship with your family during all that? Like, because I know, I imagine there was quite a bit of progress in rebuilding, right? Some of those relationships, the three and a half years, um, I mean, at that moment, like, what was taking place, like, you know, everything's falling apart, you just said, like, I, I destroyed everything, yeah, that I built three and a half years. How did that impact your family dynamics and whatnot? I have the best family in the world. I know this time was, had to have been very rough on them, um, just because of how far I had come and then, how quick I had, thrown it all away.

Yeah. Um, so I know this was very tough for them. Um, and luckily by God's grace, you know, it was only, I shouldn't say only, but it was a 30-day, about 30-day relapse. And then that's when I realized it's time, it's time to get back up on the horse, you know, and, um, start seeking God again. And, um, so they're in that 30 days, you know, they, they had to cut me off, you know, because I was ripping and running, doing my own thing again, acting a fool. And, um, you know, they've got to protect their own heart, you know, at some point because how would you describe, if you had to describe what they were experiencing during that time? Would you say it was discouragement, anger, still believing, you know, maybe a combination of all of it, like how would you describe what they, what you were experiencing, like emotions they were showing you?

So I would have to say probably a little bit of everything, um, but definitely, probably a lot of disappointment and just confusion. I'm sure they were confused, I mean, and I was confused and I was the one out there, you know, and, um, you know, my family, my sister and them, they had showed me so much trust by, you know, allowing me to, to move in with them and, and help me out in that aspect. And, um, so I'm sure there was a lot of anger too, you know, righteous anger would have, you know, they had every right to be angry at me. And, uh, I'm sure a lot of concern and worry too, because like I said, I, I was out there, pretty hard this last time. And, uh, you know, so that sat on me pretty heavy, um, when I first got into the program this time, because it just, I mean, yeah, you, you go that, come that far in three and a half years, and then you, you know, you dive that deep back in it, and, you know, yeah.

So I was like, in this process the last six, seven months, like, how's, um, what does healing look like? I mean, have you made any progress in your relationships? I mean, I know you're moving in with a family member. So I'm assuming that's a good sign. Yeah, absolutely. So how's that looking? Like, what does the healing process look like with you guys as you've been talking over the last few months? So, um, you know, as the Lord does, and He’s so good, He has completely restored, um, my relationship with my mother, my father, my grandmother, my sister, my brother-in-law, my nephews, you know, they were, they were kind of pretty upset with me too. But, you know, manning up and admitting I was wrong, um, and, and taking the steps to come, getting this program and do the work, you know, um, and, you know, God working in my heart, and also working in them too, you know, um, yeah, man, they've just showed me complete forgiveness and, and they just want to see me do better and do the best, be the best I can, you know, and, um, that's, I'm super blessed to have that in my life because I don't know where I'd be without any of them.

Yeah, we said your family cut you off for right reasons, right, during that time when you were out running hard. Yeah, if your mom could have written you a letter in the middle of that season, what do you think it would have said? That's a good question. Um, I think it would have said, um, you know, Rocco, I love you, but just know why you're living this lifestyle. Um, I can't live it with you. I can't walk it with you. So until you figure it out, you know, just know I love you, but don't come to me when everything crumbles.

It's interesting when we, um, put ourselves in the shoes of the people that we hurt right the most. Yeah. And, um, it's such a sensitive thing to talk about, but like, man, I think you, you start to get to this place of clear mind. Yeah. They're thinking and you realize it. And then like we, we're just kind of real, we recognize and then we try to do the best we can to repair and restore, you know, we can't go back and redo things, but it's such a huge thing, man.

Lessons in Restoration

So let's talk about this season of restoration. Um, you've come through TC getting ready to go home. Um, what would you say is different in this season with you versus any former season spiritually, emotionally, physically, whichever, like, but if you just had to describe what's different in this season? You know, I put a lot of pressure on myself, um, when I got out of the program the first time, um, before my relapse. And, um, I almost think it was kind of a, uh, it wasn't a healthy type of pressure. Um, you know, I'm not saying go put yourself at a bar, you know what I mean, but, you know, I almost made it to where I, you know, if somebody was smoking a cigarette or, or drinking a beer and you know, me, I was like, you know, oh, you know, um, I can't even be around them or, you know, I can't even look at them or type, type of deal.

And, you know, that led me to a lonely place kind of in my head, um, because the reality is the stuff is just about everywhere, you know what I mean, um, and, uh, so that, that kind of led me to like isolation, I guess you could say, and, um, it was a lonely place spiritually, and, um, you know, and, and that pressure, I, you know, it made me fold in a way. And, um, so this time around, you know, I'm really stepping into, you know, God has delivered me, you know, I'm not, you know, I don't have the cravings to go get high and stuff like that. And, um, you know, I have to live as a new creation, like the Bible tells me, you know, I have to walk in that.

And, um, so, you know, this time around, you know, I've definitely got my, my, uh, my boundaries up and stuff, you know, but I'm also not, um, um, living as a statue, you know, a Christian statue, if you will, you know what I mean? Because, um, yeah, that kind of got me last time, you know, and, and next thing you know, it's like, I don't have any, you know, I can't even talk to anyone I feel like about anything because, you know, and, um, so this time around, you know, I'm being a little more easier on myself and, uh, you know, just keep myself plugged in and, and stay around the right people, you know, um, definitely stay in like CR. I'll go back to my Bible studies, my, my church, um, stuff like that.

Um, but yeah, recovery is so interesting, especially discipleship programs because rules and boundaries are necessary, right? For helping us hold it together when we're not strong enough to hold it together ourselves. But if we're not careful, rules and boundaries can easily turn into legalism. Yeah. And then we end up setting standards for ourselves that we can't ever keep, yeah, right? And that's the difference between the law and the grace, right? And it's like that, that shift that's required from rules to relationship. Yeah. Like I need the structure. I need the people around me early on to tell me what to do. I need to stay away from all those people that are smoking cigarettes at the very beginning, right?

Yeah. But, but then there's this spot where like you can't live a Teen Challenge rulebook in the real world. Right. Right. You know what I'm saying? That's what I was doing. We were in Long Island. In our program, you can't even talk to women. Yeah. Like it was that tight. Like we're a little loser here at SBCC. We do stuff at the table. We love you up conversations. You know, it's not as tight as that. Right. But on Long Island, you couldn't even talk to women. You couldn't look at them.

Yeah. So when I got home, started dating and like interest and engagement with my wife. Yeah. Like I was awkward as heck. Yeah. Like I could like I can't look at her. Yeah. Yeah. It's so strange. But there is that man. You make a good distinction there. Use the word boundaries. And I really, I really like that. One of the phrases that I like to use about Teen Challenge is that Jesus is the program. Yeah. Right. And so like what does that mean to you? Right. And what does that look like day to day?

Jesus is the program. Like Jesus in my everyday life. Let me phrase it. Teen Challenge. People ask, what's the model for Teen Challenge? Well, how is it different than other recovery programs? Typically my response is, Jesus is the program. Yeah. What does that look like to you? Um, so absolutely. I mean, you're exactly, exactly right. Like I said earlier, you know, I've been, I can't even count how many rehabs and stuff in the past. And all of it came down to me having to do all this on my own strength, you know?

Um, whereas, you know, my first program around, you know, I figured out halfway through that. It's like, it's not on my own strengths. Like I'm surrendering this addiction to God. I'm giving Him, I'm giving this to God. Yeah. It's good. I don't have to carry this baggage around anymore. I don't have to carry the, the weight of my shame and my guilt. I don't have to carry those things that I've done. Yes, I'm

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not proud of them, but that's not who I am. And the Bible talks clearly about Jesus in His forgiveness. And, um, you know, once I surrendered all that stuff in and I really started walking in, um, who God really is, man, it was, it was a life changer. And I mean, you know, that's, I mean, that's the whole model for Teen Challenge and the program is, it’s not the little, the little rules and the making your bed every day and stuff like that. Yeah, that stuff's important. But the model of it is when you walk out those doors that Jesus is in your heart. And, um, so because if Jesus is in your heart and you keep Him there daily, you're not going to fail. You may fall down and scrape your knee once or twice or bump your head. I mean, we're going to be doing that the rest of our life. But Jesus is the key to it all. You know, pick us up, dust us off. And it's all right, buddy. Keep it, keep it going, you know.

Breakthrough Moments and Daily Reminders

Yes, if you had to do over the last six months, if you had to pinpoint a breakthrough moment for you, where that became real, how would you, what would you describe that, whether it be, I mean, whatever, whatever happened, whether it be through your worship, prior word or just something completely that I didn't even mention, if there was a breakthrough moment in the last six months, what would that be? Um, so a breakthrough moment, I would have to say would, uh, there were several, you know, um, I wanted to say this time it wasn't a go to an altar and kneel down and then boom, I had this big lightning bolt that came down and everything was fixed, but it was, um, just in the daily seeing new guys come in, seeing the brokenness and the reminder of what God brought me out of because, you know, I'm bad about getting caught up in the dailies, um, you know, checking the boxes and I'm quick to forget where God brought me from or I'm quick to forget where I was just three months ago.

Yeah, and man, it's such a, not that I want to see anyone hurt or broken or hurting, but when you see those guys come in and, and with their mess and, um, it's such a big reminder, it's like, Lord, wow, you know, I was just there three months ago and look where I'm at now, you know, I'm giving my testimony at a church or, you know what I mean? And, um, I think that's why it's so important to journal and keep those little, I call them trophies if you will or whatever, you know, something that you can look back on when you're having a bad day or you're going through something and you can say, wow, you know, I was just in prison a year ago and now I'm leading a Bible study or whatever and it's like, you know, it's crazy that my mind can forget stuff like that, you know, but that's huge, you know, yeah, it's good. That's why it's so important. And it's not me, it’s all God, you know, yeah, it’s really good.

Connecting with Purpose and Mission

I think that's why it's so important for us to stay connected to mission, right? Yes. And, and like doing things like even today, we're here, like, you're right, homeless outreach, you all are serving and whatnot and beyond TC, like having, finding those moments to connect and I think it's, it's the juxtaposition of I was lost and now I found. Yeah. And I see it, right? I see, I see the lostness and I'm like, man, it brings about a gratitude. I love how you said just now. I wouldn't say it was a breakthrough moment. It was moments. Yeah. And like, like how important is that for people to see the moments rather than looking for a big moment? Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's very important.

So, man, just to close up the section of the conversation, let me say that again, because they don't know that it's just a section, just to close up the conversation, Rocco, final words, man, if you could speak directly to a mom or dad that may feel like it's too late for their kid, what do you say to them? I would say this because my, my mother has told me time and time again, but those prayers that they pray, that they think aren't reaching heaven, they are. And I know, I know for a fact, my mom's prayers are the reason I'm sitting here. Because she's prayed for me all my life. And my whole family, my grandmother, both my grandmas, you know, and those prayers are so important because, you know, families get to a point to where they can't. There's nothing that they can do. There’s nothing else. They've tried everything. They've done everything. And that, you know, you've got to leave it in God's hands. And let Him do what He does. And so I would, I would tell any mother out there struggling, those prayers are the most powerful thing that you can do for your loved one. And not to focus on our time, but God's time. Because, you know, my mom prayed for almost 20 years before I came to the Lord, you know, and so yeah, those prayers are important, man. It’s powerful.

Well, thanks so much, man. I appreciate you sitting down and sharing. Appreciate it, man. Thank you. It's been a good conversation.