From Prison Cell to Coffee House: Brians Story of Addiction and Recovery

so it was November 24th 2015 which was Thanksgiving was also my father's birthday and being a holiday people would give me their money or whatever so I had to go get other people's drugs for the holidays and stuff like that and I went to Indianapolis and picked up 15 Gams of heroin I'm supposed to be at my grandma's house I come back to Harford City and I'm surrounded by 10 police cars buddy was driving me jump out of the car and I carried all my drugs and it was like a plastic tube like looked like a pipe and I got out of the car real fast and I threw the drugs and 50 yards and they hit in the top of the tree and they come flying right back at me right in the middle of the yard and they found the drugs of course two other people told on me so it was over like no Freedom no hope I'm 42 years old I'm facing 18 years in prison plus habitual drug felon so at 42 years old I'm facing life in prison was there a transformative moment was it like a journey that got you to finally get serious about your recovery and start realizing hey I can't do this anymore I got to start making some changes in jail the level of dop sick that I was vomit diarrhea like couldn't hold anything down my whole body broke out in rashes and hives so it was like I'm going to kill myself I'm just going to end all this pain and misery and 10 days went by dude I'm weak and they popped my door and it took two police officers to guide me and walk me down a hallway way they get me to this room and there's a gentleman in the room that I recognize that went to a local church when I got a little bit of recovery I attended some church services this gentleman was there at one of them and he was sitting there and he looked at me and he said Brian he said if you died tomorrow where would you go and look bro I didn't tell anyone I was going to kill myself right I ain't talked to no one and I tell you what it hammered me I broke I started balling dude and he led me to the Lord right there so yeah a little bit about my story I guess I started using when I was a teenager I was class president probably voted most likely to succeed when I was in high school but around my junior year I started hanging in another County at my aunt's house and ran into some people that were drinking and smoking weed back in my day I graduated in 92 I just turned 50 so I'm a little older and it was alcohol and marijuana was the thing when I was in high school and it was really I just got separated from the crowd I was in and partying was a funner lifestyle to me and I went to vinon University here in Indiana out of high school and that's when I first tried cocaine and definitely got hooked on cocaine and one thing about that drug back in I guess it would have been 1993 three is being from a small town people cocaine wasn't really available so me as an 18yearold kid I was bringing 4 ounces of cocaine back to my hometown and the amount of money that I was making selling drugs I really just I the American dream to me was making money and I was making money and so really my ambitions my goals of what I wanted to be I just lost all that easy money is yeah wasn't wasn't lace with fentol back then either right yeah right you didn't have to worry about Naran or somebody overdosing or whatever that looked like you can go to the bar and be the life of the party center of attention yeah and I just really got trapped in that lifestyle and then the only people I surrounded myself with was the likeminded people doing the wrong things and it was I got my first felony when I was I think I was maybe just turned 21 22 dealing cocaine and know all that really did is make me be more careful not to get caught so I really didn't want to stop using I didn't want to stop selling drugs because I think I was addicted to the lifestyle is as I was addicted to the substance so that Brian that journey to starting to use right you said that you started out your circle changed right and you started out it was some more experiments ation for the sake of partying looking for identity is that what drove your decision to use or was there like a traumatic event I know some people have really difficult upbringings and whatnot and then as a result they start to use to cope with the pain or was yours more looking for acceptance and trying to find your fit well to be honest like I was class president so I was popular and I fit into to whatever crowd I think that I was hanging with and it was really I played Sports I was I got most Varsity letters I got cut from the basketball team and I always like challenged myself and I didn't think that I was good enough in certain areas or I wanted to be the best so I think it was an escape for me that I could I don't know get away and to me it was a good time I like being crazy you've been a pretty driven person obviously class president Sports you've got to be driven for all that and so you said drugs was like an escape to I guess get a break from the drive yeah Cut Loose if you will I don't know but I've always been driven first one there last one to leave give it my all like grew up in church knew right from wrong both of my sisters were homecoming queen middle child but the Black Sheep No substance in my family I didn't see trauma I had a great upbringing it was just bad choices and bad decisions that's my story is I did those things I made those choices and then once that I found that crowd I just really didn't want to leave that lifestyle and then as the bad became worse and then I think I was in a car accident got put on pain medication and then I started switching substances so I qu smoking marijuana and I I stopped doing cocaine and then I started on pills and everyone knows when the Opanas came out and everyone was on Opanas and the pain medication and then they got rid of Opanas and then I went through a phase to where I was partying with someone and they were manufacturing methamphetamines and I learned how to do that next thing I man manufacturing methamphetamines don't even really like meth but I didn't have my opiates and then I found heroin and when I found heroin it was like that was the love of my life like I didn't want anything else I dropped absolutely every drug and everything and went to heroin so this was my 20s my 30s I caught another felony and now I'm I'm 2 years old I tried a rehab in Indianapolis at Fairbanks in 2003 actually I stole my Mom's credit card it was laying on top of her microwave and it was one of those I had every intention of paying that credit card back like the sickness we get in our mind is like I CH I got into their information and I had it changed addresses like I thought I was slick what I'm saying and ran up $5,000 well they ended up finding out my dad I was living in somebody's garage and my dad he found me and he was like I'm taking you to jail and about jumped out of a running vehicle was like what I'm saying you ain't taking me to jail and he was like well jail or rehab and I I to rehab so the first seed that what recovery even looked like is I went to Fairbanks and U they had placed me on suboxin there at Fairbanks I did their program lived in their sober living for I think it was six months I was in an unhealthy relationship at the time and I didn't I wasn't done and as soon as I got I would get my I came back to Harford city after my sober living and I started the 12-step program so I I heard about a sponsor and 90 meetings in 90 days and we wrote on this thing called the druggie buggy and they took us to meetings so I got the feel for what that looked like in 2013 but I got 90 sub boxing for $3 and they go for $20 a piece and I didn't that criminal mentality and everything I came back to my hometown somebody said hey I'll give you $1,500 for your whole script and it's Off to the Races I had a back disease anxiety disorder major depression all from substance use car wrecks just craziness I was arrested one time for the methamphetamine and I ate three and a half grams of meth on my arrest and had a heart attack and that didn't stop me my grandma and my whole family comes over and I always wanted to look like I didn't have a problem and my thing was I didn't want to hurt them I didn't care about hurting myself but the most hurtful thing was is that I was hurting the other people around me and I really just I just couldn't stop I didn't know how but I think I was getting to a point to where I wanted the pain to go away what I'm saying using wasn't fun like the fun was over in my 20s so that's where it got bro yeah so what what transpired for you to finally cuz you said your a couple felonies switching drugs going through all these different circumstances and none of it really broke through right even going to rehab at threat of jail none of that really broke through so what was there a transformative moment or was it like a journey that got you to finally get serious about your recovery and start realizing hey I can't do this anymore I got to start making some changes yeah so it was November 24th 2015 which was Thanksgiving was also my my father's birthday and and being a holiday people would give me their money or whatever so I had to go get other people's drugs for the holidays and stuff like that and I went to Indianapolis and picked up 15 grams of heroin I'm supposed to be at my grandma's house I come back to Harford City and I'm surrounded by 10 police cars buddy was driving me jump out of the car and I carried all my drugs and like a it was like a plastic tube like looked like a pipe and I got out of the car real fast and I threw the drugs and 50 yards and they hit in the top of the tree and they come flying right back at me right in the middle of the yard I could do that a million times bro and it would never happen again and they found the drugs of course two other people told on me so it was over like no Freedom no hope I'm 42 years old I'm facing 18 years in prison plus habit ual drug felon so at 42 years old I'm facing life in prison so I'm I'm probably using two grams of hair one a day I'm not an IV user because that was my control what I'm saying I'm not like the person sticking a KN what that was the sickness in my mind that I still had some control over what I was doing no difference whatever it was just that's that's where I was in my thinking but in jail the level of dope sick that I was vomit diarrhea like couldn't hold anything down like it was absolutely crazy how sick that I was my whole body broke out in rashes and hives and I'm laying in a drunk tank vomit and diarrhea like all over me bro like I was in what I'm saying there's no Lower Rock Bottom than laying in your own puke and pieces what I'm saying and that's where I found myself so it was like I'm going to kill myself I'm just going to end all this pain and misery and my mom and dad ain't going to have to go through this I got a son I had a 22 year well today is 22 but at the time I think he was around 14 or he's a teenager wrote me letters to stop using drugs they tried to have in interventions and those things and I was just lost good person but just really lost and so I didn't know how I was going to kill myself I thought about hanging myself there was really no means what I'm saying in a drunk tank they put you in the Turtle suit or whatever that look like and so I was like I'm going to starve myself I'm not going to eat and I'm not going to drink because I know that will work so especially there's no nutritions that I wasn't getting so I think nine or 10 days went by and here dude I'm weak like I'm I just don't care gave up and that they popped my door and it took two police officers to guide me and walk me down a hallway and they get me to this room and there's a gentleman in the room that I recognize that went to a local church in 2013 when I got a little bit of recovery I attended some church services tried out some different meetings and this gentleman was there at one of them and I think I did an alter call back in 2013 because I really did Wan something different I just really didn't know how to go about get getting that something different it wasn't like mind or in my heart yet and he was sitting there and he looked at me and he said Brian he said if you die tomorrow where would you go and look bro I didn't tell anyone I was going to kill myself right I ain't talked to no one he didn't say Brian are you okay you going through he said if you die tomorrow where will you go and I tell you what it just it hammered me I broke I started balling dude and he led me to the Lord right there in that room I go back to my cell all of a sudden I got a little bit more energy I cried I don't even know where tears came from I was so dehydrated and all of a sudden I started just to feel better and I wanted to take a shower and clean all that mess off of me I'm ready to stand up you see what I'm saying I stood up I took a shower and I put my hands on the wall and that bead of water that was coming down it was hitting me right in the forehead and I cried out and I said God if you're [Music] [Music] [Music] real CU I was hurting and I said if I'll go anywhere I'll I'll do anything and I'll say anything and I'll glorify just take this just take this from me because I can't and and that was the start of my journey of he touched my heart and in my vomit in my diarrhea in my mess some one I had no Rel thing that ever happened to me and it's really hard what I'm saying I still I tear up I share my testimony and every time I get to that part I tear up because I go right back to where that was you see what I'm saying so and I was touched bro and he took my back disease he took my anxiety disorder he took my depression he took my hives and my rashes the withdrawal and everything I still experienced that for about 25 days put me in pop and a group called Narcotics Anonymous came to the jail and I got some pamphlets I was on disability they lowered my bond to $1,000 I bonded myself out of jail my mom and dad had my card which they didn't want to bond me out because they probably thought I was going to kill myself or o overdose and die and they helped me bro and then I started seeking that thing called recovery still knowing that I'm going to prison or what I thought I was going to prison but I just got a touch and I was more free than I've ever been in my life and I wanted to just really pursue that freedom and let people know like what happened to me in that cell and knowing that I was no one's special and if that could happen for me it could happen for someone else so I really that I got set on a journey to let people know like what happened to me I ended up going and getting treatment went to a 6 8mon program like IOP intens of outpatient programming completed IOP really learned tools coping skills like a lot of the wise of maybe like why I was the way I was my beliefs my values my wants my needs like learn learned a whole lot about myself what recovery looked like started going to meetings became a leader of celebrate recovery in the hometown that I was at 6 months and started sharing my testimony at 6 months which is C that's ear early in your recovery but I was going to three meetings a day and I was really searching this God who touched me in that jail like I gotta plug my phone in bro but I but like I pursued that thing for real what I'm saying so you talk about as you're coming out of jail right you've got a lot of a lot of work to clean up the mess right you mean you're in your 40s multiple felonies and starting to face some of that stuff coming out and so like recovery we go to celebrate we go to church the Lord deals with the spiritual but the natural man's got a lot of work to do right and trying to pick up some of the pieces and so man what did that like for you now I guess before we get too detailed into that you said you were facing some substantial prison time right and H how did that pan out did you end up doing any sub substantial time in jail a after as a result of all that or so the crazy part of that right there is I it was like six or eight months I go to court and and like in that six or eight month time like I was on fire for Recovery I was on fire for my faith like I was what I was really sold out a changed person like my heart changed and when my heart changed my thinking changed my language changed the things that I listened to changed the things I was looking at changed and other people really started to notice that I wasn't this same selfish dude that I used to be I was networking in other counties so there wasn't a whole lot of recovery in my County so I had to go to multiple counties and in multiple places and churches to try to seek out that whatever recovery look like for people and in doing that I've now networked several different recovery groups na AA Celebrate Recovery better life Brianna's hope and when I went to court like all these people went to court with me so there was like 50 some people bro on a Monday that came to court with me and I sat down and my bags were packed to go to prison they took my house they took my car they took my clothes like everything that I own They seized and got rid of what so I had nothing and not a bed not a place to go and I'm with my lawyer they ended up giving me a plea bargain which was six years in the Department of Corrections which was an amazing deal with not beinged with habitual or whatever it's like man I was so grateful because when they did my pre-sentence investigation it's just a booklet and you got to sit there and it's page after page and it's like man they just make and I earned that stuff bro and the judge reads off the stuff Mr bevens I sent you to six years and he stopped and he said I don't know why I'm doing this he said but I'm going to let you write your own prescription ion for your recovery and paused and I didn't bro I didn't even know what he was talking about what he was saying and I'm looking at my lawyer and my lawyer he didn't know what he was saying he said I'm going to give you an opportunity to do this on a home detention and I was like are you kidding me you are you kidding me and he said do you have anywhere to do house arrest while my mom and dad was there and my mom and dad said yeah he could do house arrest and my mom and dad were done with me like in that six months time they seen such a huge change in my life you see what I'm saying that they allowed me to stay in their home after I stole after I did all those things so my mom and dad stood up for me and I was given six years of house arrest instead of serving time that I deserve so that like that was crazy bro that was all godone yeah wow so what did that look like house ofest right it's always crazy how the judges they sit and see then they pause and I have several friends that have walked through that it's like you got 10 years but then we're going to suspend it all but and it's like yeah the heart drops I imagine that moment it's just crazy so what did that look like putting the pieces back together right so employment some of those real challenges multiple felons like man how did all that start to pan out for you so you did six years home detention house arrest did you end up doing all six years on house arrest or did they what did that H what happened there so I'm on disability right and I'm getting like $1,500 so I I was always functioning working drug addict I drove a semi like I've had great jobs so I was highly functioning in my addiction and in that lifestyle so I paid into a disability so I got quite a bit of money and being on disability to me I knew God had healed me and I wasn't disabled anymore so like there was a thing inside of me that all of a sudden I wanted to work so I decided to go back to college and went to Ivy Tech to be a drug addictions counselor so I go back for Human Services do like six months I made the Deans List and then I get to this part of college that's ethics and in those ethics like you're not allowed to have relation ships with PE so everything that I believe and everything the ethics of a professional counselor or whatever are quite the opposite and I knew I couldn't lie what I'm saying I was in an honest place in my life so I had to drop out of college and pursuing something and and I and God told me to drop out he was like this ain't for you and I'm like that's crazy I just made the Deans List here what and I dropped out of college and it was the next day I'd been ministering on online for like almost a year I'm a leader in the recovery rooms I had a guy that I graduated high school with he called me that next day that I dropped out of college and he said Brian he said 'is this stuff for real and I'm likew do you mean and he was like I've been watching you and you give me hope you encourage me like your story and your testimony and the passion that you have he's like man I want to offer you a job and I'm like I want anything right and he's like I got a job for you as a barista I didn't even know what that was but it's serving coffee and in the rooms of recovery bro coffee's king so I'm like yeah let's do that so I go to Portland Indiana here in and that my house arrest approves me to get a job and they're happy and they're encouraging me and they're proud of me so my first day to go to my job I walk in and it's a trailer like you would buy elephant out of so I'm selling coffee out of a coming from being the man with all the money and the people and the cars and houses and stuff to serving somebody a cup of coffee was a very humbling thing but this is where I learned forgiveness at because when I walked in that trailer there stood the law enforcement agent that was drug task force that put me behind bars that chased me on highspeed Pursuits the bad guy that what I'm saying that I just absolutely despise this guy like I thought he was a bad cop and what I'm saying being a criminal what I'm saying that's just how your view of police officers are what and there he stands so on my first day I'm looking at the one guy that I would say if I despised anyone in the world like I wouldn't wouldn't wouldn't well so he wasn't on the police force anymore and he took a position within this agency so he was like in ownership of that coffee shop had no idea what I'm so I'm like and that's what I was like what is he freaking doing here dude like I I'm not doing this and he says hold on and I'm like okay hold on and we went for a ride and he said Brian he said I've been following you too and he said I'm proud of you and I was like come on like it just took me away and he said man you can do this and not only can you do this you're going to help other people that's been down your path to be able to encourage and uplift them and he started pouring in to me dudee and then I'm I'm selling coffee it was like a couple weeks they opened up this new shop in Upland which is beside Ivan Ho's great little restaurant and Upland where Taylor University is and they thought since I started I started a Ministry in this time called Hope House which was to change the people play places and things in your life you using Christ so I started a faith-based Ministry they thought it would really go good if I worked in Upland because I would be around the Christian students they moved me to Upland so I go from a bista to a manager the guy who offers me my job was the general manager and he went to be a principal so they make me general manager in a couple months so all of a sudden I'm managing $300,000 worth of business I got keys to a safe but like my my life just totally was transformed in about a year and a half really started sharing my testimony I'm wearing an ankle bracelet people are coming into the coffee shop and I get to tell them this crazy story what I'm saying I should be in prison and I don't look like the guy that's a drug dealer and so they really they get that they see the ankle bracelet and you could see their eyebrows like this don't this don't add up so it just gave me an opportunity to witness bro and I witnessed to everyone and that came in and here's a crazy thing that a student had come over and I witnessed to him and he was the editor of their paper right so all of a sudden he was like bro I got to write this testimony down and share it with everyone and I'm like praise God I'm like that's awesome dude he writes it yeah he writes it and then a couple weeks later he comes in there and he's like man you're not going to believe this and I'm like what's going on bro and he said there was like 14,000 people that viewed your testimony bro and I was like I thought that was it really what I'm saying I was like that's cool and he said man like normally it's less than a thousand and I'm like yeah the cool Factor what I'm saying and the magnitude it just hit me like that's a lot dude two weeks later here comes a film crew like I'm on house arrest a film crew approaches me from Taylor University and they said I want to videotape your testimony and I'm like a documentary we want to do a documentary and film this documentary and I'm like that's crazy let me check with house arrest to see if people can follow me or what I'm saying you can come to my house so I cleared it with the house arrest and they allowed a documentary to be filmed and if you go on YouTube you could watch it's Brian B Levin's freedom and they won some awards and some stuff from documentary so yeah so quick question I'm a coffee ficado myself I love espresso I've got like a I've got a bbel barista Barista plus machine in my house and so I'm every day I have your espresso Americana what's your favorite coffee drink oh bro we I like Frozen Blended coffee so we had we did a thing called an uncle Joe's and we used polar powder cold brew and it would be Blended so the froz and Blended bro that was my heart I'm I'm straight up man I drink either a double shot of espresso or Americana black no cream but Brian so what I'm hearing in your story man there's so much to unpack but like to take this home and maybe connect the dots I'm hearing this thread right of purpose and service to other people right from the moment you got out even when you didn't know whether you were going to go to jail or not go to jail I'm engaged Celebrate Recovery I'm helping others the pursuit of the pursuit of the addiction counselor degree you told me beforehand that you're almost late to the call because you're a peer specialist and you had to go connect with somebody recovery home all of this stuff I just hear this passionate pursuit of service and I'm one of those big people I've always shared the quote I don't know whether I made it up or I stole it from somebody but I've always said that freedom from addiction is not a destination it's a starting point right it is really the launching pad for life right once we get the freedom then the Lord begins to establish purpose in us and one of the things I think I've seen I worked with Teen Challenge for 13 years of my life I'm a former addict myself 18 years since I used to do math then on the one thing about my life and what I've noticed from other people that I've walked with those who seem to get this fire in their belly for purpose and to make their lives about something other than themselves tend to experience the longest lasting Freedom tend to struggle with relapse less right it's it's when you addiction is selfishness it's selfish driven Behavior it's about our needs our wants in the moment and the way to break that I've always thought is service is let me make my life not about self so I can break some of those patterns of selfishness and so what was it for you that started to spark that drive for service right and how pivotal has that been in your freedom even today all these years later man so yeah just surrounding myself with likeminded people and people on fire for free freedom and Recovery or purpose and hope all of a sudden I knew it wasn't my will or my thinking like there was so many things happening in my life that I knew there was always something more so the amount of hope that I would get from hearing other people share watching other people's testimony other people's stories connecting with people not wanting surface relationships but actually caring about if you have a family like going deeper and what I'm saying it and it's just I didn't want anything surface anymore it's like I wanted real brothers real relationship and I longed for family and I just really found that in recovery and I F found a way to love me and that was the biggest thing is I could never love myself because of all the stuff that I did and once that I found out that what God's love was what his grace was what his Mercy was then I could love myself and then I could forgive myself and forgiving myself was the hardest thing in the world I could forgive you it was no problem for me to forgive the people that told on me and all that stuff the hard thing was to forgive me and then just to really learn what the cross was what it represented and the freedom that was tied to that I could love me because he came in my mess right and created message not for me but for other people and put me on a pathway that is undeniable not my path or not the path I would have even picked it was like these doors just started to Spring open and he would put people in my path he and vice versa so I just started networking with people but I learn how to love unconditionally like I don't care like what you did what your pain like any of that I could connect with somebody one onone I'm able to meet somebody right where they are and have compassion and sympathy and be able to speak into whatever situation crisis because of the experiences and and Recovery is connection what I'm saying so now I know how to love and I know how to connect and I think when you learn how to love and connect and then it's that thing of finding balance because look I was addicted to Ministry I got married on house arrest I definitely say probably don't do that stuff what I'm saying that six years yeah three no I had so when I was 46 years old bro I had another baby so I have a three and a half year old baby as Noah James and I have a new opportunity to be a present dad and what I'm saying that's what I am today and so I get a oh yeah totally he wanted a sober dad and that's what he got and he went through this little Funk of wanting to play video games and do all those things and I kicked him out of my house and what I'm saying I was like if you're not going to go to school he dropped out of school if you're not going to go to school and you're not going to work you're not going to live under my roof like I really put my foot down into you're to be a man so he went off and made his choices and went back with his mother and found some struggles then he came back to me and had to clean the house had to do all this other stuff and I said isn't it funny that's what I wanted you to do what I'm saying when you were living here and I said if you want to be a man and if you want to help your mom you'll go to work and you'll pay your bills because that's what men do men provide and if you want to grow up and if you want to be a provider you're going to work and that's what you're going to do and he said well take me and I knew a lot of people I know people in the field I work and we got him a job the next day and he's been working at the spot where he's working so he's my son's doing really well my family's doing really well but like I said I was the founder of a Ministry and my wife really wasn't sold she wanted the attention my attention and Ministry got the most of my attention so there was a moment my wife's in recovery as well she works in the jail with the irax program so she teaches Matrix groups and she's a powerful woman not only of the Lord but in the rooms of recovery as well and and she relapsed when I was one year when we were married one year she relapsed and went to heroin and you want to talk about some rocky times and she moved out went to rehab she had an encounter when she was in rehab and people told me to leave my wife and I made a vow a covenant in sickness until death heart and sickness in health and God really spoke to my heart like who are you Brian all the stuff that you've been through and it made our relationship stronger we we had a baby which I'm 50 bro and to have a three and a half year old like that's a God put work ethic in my life and I think as far as what's going on in a three-year-old but I'm I'm young people say you don't look 50 and I'm like yeah right well what I'm saying I don't know how yes so Brian let me ask you one final question to wrap this up and you said a powerful piece earlier about learning to love yourself again and on really that being the basis right the Bible says we're to love our neighbor as ourself and if we have a bad view of self and we have poor love for us then It ultimately impacts how we love other people and so what did you learn about loving yourself what I'm saying and what lessons could you possibly share from your journey to getting to that place that might be helpful for those that are struggling with that so it so I would have to separate myself as Brian on drugs and Brian not on drugs and the Brian not on drugs is a kind caring compassionate do anything for you and then it's Jack on Hyde and Brian on drugs well Rob cheat steal so it's like an alter ego and I had to really look at myself in two different people and say look this is separated from your disease addiction or whatever people want to call it like that's not me and you changed your lifestyle like and God changed your heart and so I just really had to look at myself as a new creation that I was born again and that dude was dead what I'm saying so that Brian what I'm saying is dead so when I learned that I had a new life what I'm saying that's what recovery offers us a new life and there's promises and everything involved so when you see all those promises start being fulfilled it's like you can your identity really changes of what I'm saying I don't have to call myself an addict anymore what I'm saying I really going through Na and all these other programs like I always want to identify and not separate myself and not make myself different than somebody else that really don't understand why I think the way I think so I'm really careful like what room I'm in to say like what I'm trying to say what I'm saying because I don't want Separate Myself from programs or whatever it is but it's like I'm not that anymore you see what I'm so because I'm not that any more I'm a hard worker like I'm great like there's so much stuff that I found and so many tools that I've been able to develop the Bible tells us to seek ye the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you but all these things are just our basic needs so when I Surrender and I submit to him and my basic needs are met like that's enough bro like I don't need a new car I don't need like all this stuff so really I look at with a lot of people it's an MRT thing it's like worries wants and needs like what are my want and water my needs so if somebody really looks at their wants it's like do they need it you see what I'm saying so if you really break that thing down to wants and needs like I don't want nothing bro and the only thing that I need is more of him so the times that I'm not in balance or whatever that looks like it's like what do I want and what do I need so I can simplify things and I know how to talk to people it's just a gift that he is he's given to make things really simple because if it wasn't simple there's no way I would have get nothing bro it's like you got to dumb things way down for me and I think being in relationship it's just learning and growing and it's like planting when you PL a field you have to break the ground you got to do the soil you got to plant the seed you got to water the seed you got to wait you got to and then it grows and like there's so much involved in our recovery in our lives that if we simplify things and not make things too much for somebody because everyone's overwhelmed in the first place so it's like how where can you get somebody first you get them safe you feed their belly what you sit down and talk to them one onone so you get them to a point to where they're comfortable because if somebody ate a something if you're hungry if you're tired if you're all these things it's harder so it's really coming into people's lives and figuring out basic needs and then once the basic needs are found in people's lives like so sober living what Residential Treatment like getting somebody safe getting somebody clothes like taking people and getting socks and underwear and the things that people take for granted like really it's the little things that turn into a big something bigger in someone's life just checking on somebody and saying hey you're doing good today people don't have people reaching out anymore they stop doing that if you can take time I work two jobs I started a food truck business like I didn't even get into like re really like where I'm at today and what's going on really but just connecting with people and continuing to give them hope but just be real just be vulnerable just be transparent don't play like you got everything together because you probably don't what I'm saying you gota have got accountability and that's everything bro yeah the name of your food truck business it's called chubby Burgers nice fantastic and yeah and you're in Indiana I'll on I'll put some links down below I know earlier you mentioned that documentary so I'll go on that down and also share some of that other stuff down below but Brian man I appreciate it I and I could talk to you for another two hours I try to keep the conversations around an hour because people have a tolerance level there on YouTube and so on but man I but when you do part two I got another crazy I got some more crazy stuff to share with you so you're G to have to do a part two bro yeah man absolutely well I appreciate you taking the time man it's it's an honor to be able to chat and here you share your story with our audience and on and you guys that are watching you can check out those links in the description below and connect with Brian in his scw truck business and check out that documentary as well Brian thanks so much man I appreciate it brother yeah I appreciate you it's nice to meet you bro