From Prison Cell to Coffee House: Brians Story of Addiction and Recovery

Thanksgiving and a Turning Point

So it was November 24th, 2015, which was Thanksgiving. It was also my father's birthday. And being a holiday, you know, people would give me their money or whatever. So, you know, I had to go get other people's drugs for the holidays and stuff like that. I went to Indianapolis and picked up 15 grams of heroin when I'm supposed to be at my grandma's house. I come back to Hartford City and I'm surrounded by 10 police cars. When he was driving me, I jumped out of the car and I carried all my drugs and it was like a plastic tube, kind of like it looked like a pipe. I got out of the car real fast and I threw the drugs, and I mean, 50 yards, and they hit in the top of the tree. They came flying right back at me, right in the middle of the yard. And they found the drugs, of course, you know, two other people told on me, so it was over. Like no freedom, no hope, I'm 42 years old. You know, I'm facing 18 years in prison, plus habitual drug felon. So at 42 years old, I'm basically facing life in prison.

A Moment of Clarity in Jail

Was there a transformative moment? Was it kind of like a journey that kind of got you to finally get serious about your recovery and, you know, start realizing, hey, I can't do this anymore. I got to start making some changes? You know, in jail, the level of dope sick that I was was vomit, diarrhea, like couldn't hold anything down. My whole body broke out in rashes and hives. So, you know, it was like, I'm going to kill myself. I'm just going to end all this pain and misery. And ten days went by, dude, I'm weak. They popped my door and it took two police officers kind of to guide me and walk me down a hallway to get me to this room.

A Significant Encounter

There's a gentleman in the room that I recognized that went to a local church. You know, when I got a little bit of recovery, you know, I attended some church services. This gentleman was there at one of them, and he was sitting there and he looked at me and he said, "Brian," he said, "if you die tomorrow, where would you go?" And look, bro, I didn't tell anyone I was going to kill myself, right? I didn't talk to no one. And I tell you what, it hammered me. I broke. I started bawling, dude, and he led me to the Lord right there.

The Journey to Addiction and Recovery

So yeah, a little bit about my story. I guess, you know, I started using when I was a teenager. I was class president, probably, you know, voted most likely to succeed when I was in high school. But around my junior year, I started, you know, hanging in another county at my aunt's house and ran into some people that were drinking and, you know, smoking weed. You know, back in, in my day, I graduated in '92, I just turned 50, some a little older, and, you know, it was alcohol and marijuana that were the thing, you know, when I was in high school. It was really, I just got separated from the crowd. You know, I was in a party and, you know, was a fun lifestyle to me. I went to Vincennes University here in Indiana out of high school, and that's when I first tried cocaine and, you know, definitely got hooked on cocaine.

The Transition to a Dangerous Lifestyle

One thing about that drug back in, I guess it would have been 1993 is being from a small town, you know, people, cocaine wasn't really available. So, me, I was an 18-year-old kid, you know, I was bringing, you know, four ounces of cocaine back to my hometown. The amount of money that I was making selling drugs, I really just lost all ambitions, my goals of what I wanted to be, you know. Easy money, yeah, I wasn't laced with fentanyl back then either, right? Yeah, right. You didn't have to worry about Narcan or, you know, somebody overdosing or whatever that looked like. You could go to the bar and be the life of the party, center of attention. I just really got trapped in that lifestyle, and then the only people I surrounded myself with were like-minded people doing the wrong things.

Consequences and Denial

I got my first felony when I was, I think I was maybe just turned 21, 22, a deal with cocaine. And all that really did was make me be more careful not to get caught. So I really, you know, didn't want to stop using. I didn't want to stop selling drugs because I think I was addicted to the lifestyle as I was addicted, you know, to the substance. So that, Brian, that journey to starting to use, right? You said that on, you started out, your circle changed, right? You started out it was some more experimentation for the sake of party and looking for identity. Is that kind of what drove your decision to use, or was there like a traumatic event? I know some people have, you know, really difficult, you know, upbringings and, you know, whatnot. And then as a result, they start to use to cope with the pain or was yours more looking for acceptance and trying to find your fit?

The Search for Acceptance

Well, I mean, to, to be honest, like I was class president, so I was popular and, and I fit into whatever crowd. I think, you know, that I was hanging with. And it was really, you know, I played sports. I was, you know, I got the most varsity letters. I got cut from the basketball team. And I always challenged myself and I didn't think that I was good enough, you know, in certain areas or, you know, I wanted to be the best. I think it was kind of an escape for me that I could, I don't know, get away and, and, and to me, you know, it was a good time. You know, I like being crazy.

The Downward Spiral of Addiction

You've been a pretty driven person. I mean, obviously, class president, sports. I mean, you've got to be driven for all that. And so you said drugs was like an escape to kind of, I guess, get a break, you know, from the drive? Yeah, cut loose if you will. I don't know, but I've always been driven, you know, first one there, last one to leave, give it my all, like, grew up in church, knew right from wrong. Both of my sisters were homecoming queens. I was the middle child, you know, but, you know, the black sheep. No substance in my family, you know, I didn't see trauma. You know, I had a great upbringing. It was just bad choices and bad decisions. You know, that, that's my story is, you know, I did those things. I made those choices.

The Road to Recovery Begins Again

When I found that crowd, I just really didn't want to leave that lifestyle. You know, as the bad became worse. Then I think I was in a car accident, got put on pain medication. Then, you know, I started switching substances. So, you know, I smoked marijuana and I, you know, I stopped doing cocaine and then I started on pills. And everyone knows when the Opanas came out and, you know, everyone was on Opanas and, and the pain medication. Then they got rid of Opanas. And then, you know, I went through a phase to where I was partying with someone and they were manufacturing methamphetamines. And, and I learned how to do that. Next thing you know, you know, I'm manufacturing methamphetamines. Don't even really like meth. But, you know, I didn't have my opiates.

The Moment of Crisis

And then I found heroin. And when I found heroin, it's like that was the love of my life. Like, I didn't want anything else. I dropped absolutely every drug and everything, and went to heroin. So, this was my 20s, my 30s. I caught another felony. And now I'm 42 years old. I tried to rehab in Indianapolis at Fairbanks in 2013. I actually stole my mom's credit card. It was laying on top of her microwave. And it was one of those I had every intention of paying that credit card back. Like, you know, the thickness we were getting our minds to like, I say, I got into their information. And I had it changed addresses. Like, I thought I was slick, you know what I'm saying, and ran up $5,000. Well, they ended up, you know, finding out my dad, I was living in somebody's garage.

Facing Consequences

And my dad, he found me and he was like, "I'm taking you to jail." And about jumped out of the running vehicle, was like, you know, I'm saying, "You ain't taking me to jail." And he was like, "Well, jail or rehab." I went to rehab. So the first seed that, you know, kind of of what recovery even looked like is I went to Fairbanks. And they placed me on Suboxone there at Fairbanks. I did their program, lived in their sober living for, I think it was six months. I was in an unhealthy relationship, you know, at the time. And, you know, I didn't, I wasn't done.

A New Approach to Recovery

And as soon as, you know, I got, I would get my, I came back to Hartford City after my sober living. And, and I started the 12-step program. So, I, you know, I heard about a sponsor in 90 meetings in 90 days. And we, we rode on this thing called the drugie buggy. And, you know, they took us to meetings. So I got the feel for what that looked like in 2013. But I got 90 Suboxone for $3. And they go for $20 a piece. And I didn't, you know, that criminal mentality and everything. I came back to my hometown. You know, somebody said, "Hey, I'll give you $1,500 for your whole script." And, you know, it's off to the races. I had a back disease, anxiety disorder, major depression, off from substance use, car wrecks, just craziness.

The Breaking Point

I was arrested one time for the methamphetamine. And I ate three and a half grams of meth on my arrest and had a heart attack. And that didn't stop me. You know, my grandma and my whole family come over, and I always wanted to look like I didn't have a problem. And my thing was I didn't want to hurt them. I didn't care about hurting myself. But the most hurtful thing was that I was hurting, you know, the other people around me. I really basically just, I just couldn't stop. I didn't know how. But I think I was getting to a point to where I wanted the pain to go away. You know what I'm saying? Using wasn't fun. Like the fun was over in my 20s. You know, so that's where God, bro.

The Path to Healing

So what transpired? I mean, for you to finally, because you said your couple felonies, you know, just question drugs. I mean, going through all these different circumstances and, and none of it really broke through, right? Even going to rehab at threat of jail. I mean, none of that really broke through. So what, was there a transformative moment? Or was it kind of like a journey that kind of got you to finally get serious about your recovery and, you know, start realizing, hey, I can't do this anymore. I got to start making some changes?

Life-Altering Decisions

Yeah. So it was November 24th, 2015, which was Thanksgiving. It was also my father's birthday. And being a holiday, you know, people would give me their money or whatever. So, you know, I had to go get other people's drugs for the holidays and stuff like that. I went to Indianapolis and picked up 15 grams of heroin when I'm supposed to be at my grandma's house. I come back to Hartford City and I'm surrounded by 10 police cars. But he was driving me. I jumped out of the car and I carried all my drugs and like it was like a plastic tube kind of like looked like a pipe. I got out of the car real fast and I threw the drugs, and I mean, 50 yards, and they hit in the top of the tree. They came flying right back at me, right in the middle of the yard. And they found the drugs. Of course, you know, two other people told on me, so it was over. Like no freedom, no hope. I'm 42 years old. You know, I'm facing 18 years in prison, 18 years in prison, plus habitual drug felon. So at 42 years old, I'm basically facing life in prison.

The Depths of Despair

I'm probably using two grams of heroin a day. I'm not an IV user because that was my control. You know, I'm saying, I'm not like the person sticking a needle. You know what I mean? That was the sickness in my mind that I still had some sort of control over, you know, what I was doing. No, no difference. Whatever, it was just that's, that's where I was, you know, in my thinking. But, you know, in jail, the level of dope sick that I was was vomit, diarrhea. Like couldn't hold anything down. It was absolutely crazy how sick that I was. My whole body broke out in rashes and hives. And, you know, I'm laying in a drunk tank, vomit and diarrhea, like all over me, bro. Like, I was in, you know what I'm saying? There's no lower rock bottom than laying in your own puke and feces. You know what I'm saying? And that's where I found myself.

The Moment of Hope

And so I didn't know how I was going to kill myself. You know, I thought about hanging myself. There was really no means. You know what I'm saying? In a drunk tank, they put you in the turtle suit or, you know, whatever that looked like. And so I was like, I'm going to starve myself. I'm not going to eat and I'm not going to drink because I know that will work. So, especially with no new traditions that I wasn't getting, something nine or ten days went by and here dude, I'm weak. Like, I just don't care, gave up. And that, they popped my door and it took two police officers kind of to guide me and walk me down a hallway. They get me to this room.

A Life-Changing Encounter

There's a gentleman in the room that I recognized that went to a local church. This was in 2013 when I got a little bit of recovery, you know, I attended some church services. He was there and he looked at me and said, "Brian, if you died tomorrow, where would you go?" And look, bro, I didn't tell anyone I was going to kill myself. I didn't talk to no one. He didn't say, "Brian, what were you going through?" He said, "If you died tomorrow, where will you go?" And I tell you what, it just hammered me. I broke. I started bawling, dude, and he led me to the Lord right there in that room. I go back to my cell all of a sudden. I got a little bit more energy. I cried. I don't even know where tears came from. I was so dehydrated and all of a sudden, bro, I started just to feel better and I wanted to take a shower and clean all that mess off of me. I'm ready to stand up.

Renewed Commitment to Change

You see what I'm saying? I still took a shower and I put my hands on the wall and that beat of water that was coming down, it was hitting me right in the forehead and I cried out and I said, "God, if you will, because, you know, I was hurting and I said, if you, I'll go anywhere, I'll do anything and I'll say anything and I'll glorify you, you know, just, just take this from me because, you know, I can't." And that was the start of my journey of, you know, he touched my heart in my diarrhea, in my mess, someone I had no relation to. It was the thing that ever happened to me, and it's really hard. You know what I'm saying? I still, you know, I'll tear up, you know, I share my testimony and every time I get to that part, I tear up because I go right back to where that was. You see what I'm saying?

Embracing Recovery

I was touched, bro, and he took my back disease, he took my anxiety disorder, he took my depression, he took my hives and my rashes. The withdrawal and everything, I still experienced that for about 25 days, put me in poverty and a group called Narcotics Anonymous came to the jail and I got some pamphlets. I was on disability. They lowered my bond to a thousand dollars. I bonded myself out of jail. My mom and dad had my card, which they didn't want to bond me out because they probably thought I was going to kill myself or overdose and die. And they helped me, bro, and then, you know, I started seeking that thing called recovery, still knowing that I'm going to prison or what I thought I was going to prison, but I just got a touch, and I was more free than I've been in my life and I wanted to just really pursue that freedom and let people know what happened to me in that cell and knowing that I was no one special and if that could happen for me, it could happen for someone else.

Building a New Life

I ended up going and getting treatment, went six, eight month program like IOP intensive outpatient programming. I completed IOP, really learned tools coping skills, like a lot of the wise of maybe like why I was the way I was, my beliefs, my values, you know, my work, my needs, like learned a whole lot about myself, what recovery looked like. You know, started going to meetings, became a leader of Celebrate Recovery in the hometown that I was at six months, and started sharing my testimony at six months, which is a, you know, that's early in your recovery, but, you know, I was going to be meeting the day and I was really, you know, searching this God who, in that jail, like, I got to plug my phone in, bro.

Overcoming Challenges

But I pursued that thing for real. You know what I'm saying? So you talk about, you know, as you're coming out of jail, right, you've got a lot of bond, a lot of work to clean up the mess, right? I mean, you're in your forties, multiple felonies, you know, and, and starting to face some of that stuff coming out. And so, like recovery, I mean, we go to Celebrate, we go to church, you know, the Lord deals with the spiritual, but the natural man's got a lot of work to do, right? And trying to pick up some of the pieces. And so, man, what did that look like for you? Now, now, both, I guess before we get into that, you said you were facing some substantial prison time, right? And, and how did that pan out? I mean, did you end up doing any substantial time in jail after, as a result of all that?

A Surprising Judgment

So the crazy part of that right there is, you know, it was like six or eight months. I go to court, and like in that six or eight month time, like I was on fire for recovery. I was on fire for my faith. Like I was, you know, what I mean? I was really sold out, a changed person. Like my heart changed, and when my heart changed, my thinking changed, my language changed, the things that I listened to changed, the things I was looking at changed. Other people really started to notice that I wasn't this same selfish dude that I used to be. I was networking in other counties. There wasn't a whole lot of recovery in my county. So I had to go to multiple counties and in multiple places and churches to try to seek out that whatever recovery looked like for people.

Standing Up in Court

And in doing that, I've now networked several different recovery groups in a Celebrate Recovery, Better Life, Brianna's Hope. And when I went to court, like all these people went to court with me. So there were like 50 some people, bro, on a Monday that came to court with me. And I sat down and, you know, my bags were packed to go to prison. You know, they took my house. They took my car. They took my clothes—like everything that I own. They seized and, and got rid of, you know what I mean? So I had nothing, you know, and not a bag, not a place to go.

Unexpected Outcome

And I was with my lawyer. They ended up giving me a plea bargain, which was six years in the Department of Corrections, which was an amazing deal, you know, with not being told with habitual or whatever. It's like, man, I was so grateful because when they did my pre-sentence investigation, I mean, it's just a booklet and you got to sit there and it's page after page after page after page. It's like, man, they just, you know, make it, you know, I earned that stuff, bro. And the judge reads off the stuff, "Mr. Blevins, I sentence you to six years." And he stopped. And he said, "I don't know what I'm doing this," he said, "but I'm going to let you write your own prescription for your recovery."

A New Beginning

And paused. And I didn't, bro, I didn't even know what he was talking about, what he was saying. And I'm looking at my lawyer, my lawyer. He didn't know what he was saying. He said, "I'm going to give you an opportunity to do this on a home detention." And I was like, like, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? And he said, "Do you have anywhere to do house arrest?" Well, my mom and dad was there. And, um, my mom and dad said, "Yeah, he could do house arrest." And my mom and dad were done with, like, in that six months' time, they seemed such a huge change in my life. You see what I'm saying, that they allowed me to stay in their home after I stole, after I did all those things. So, you know, my mom and dad, you know, stood up for me and I was given six years of house arrest instead of serving time that I deserve. So that kind of like, that was crazy, bro. That was all God.

Steps Toward Building a New Life

So, so what did that look like? I mean, house arrest, right? I mean, it's always crazy how the judges, they sit and see them. They pause, you know, and I have several friends that have walked through that. It's like, you've got 10 years, but then we're going to suspend that all. But, you know, and it's like, yeah, the heart drops. I mean, I imagine that moment. I mean, it's just crazy. So, what did that look like, putting the pieces back together, right? I mean, employment, I mean, some of those real challenges, multiple felons, you know, like, man, how did all that start to pan out for you? I mean, so you did six years of home detention, house arrest. Did you end up doing all six years on house arrest? Or did they, you know, what did that have? What happened there?

Finding Purpose in Service

So, I'm on disability, right? And I'm getting like $1,500. So, you know, I was always a functioning working drug addict. You know, I drove a semi. I've had great jobs. So, you know, I was highly functioning in my addiction and in that lifestyle. So, you know, I paid into disability. So, I got, you know, quite a bit of money. And being on disability, to me, I knew God had healed me and I wasn't disabled anymore. So, like, there was a thing inside of me that all of a sudden I wanted to work. So, I decided to go back to college and went to Ivy Tech to be a drug addiction counselor. So, you know, I go back for human services, do like six months, I made the dean's list, and then I get to this part of college that's ethics.

Ethics and Integrity

And in those ethics, like, you're not allowed to have relationships with me. So, everything that I believe in, everything, the ethics of a professional counselor or whatever, were quite the opposite. And I knew I couldn't lie. You know what I'm saying? I was in an honest place in my life. So, I had to drop out of college and pursue it so then, you know, and you know, God told me to drop out. He was like, you know, this ain't for you. And I'm like, that's crazy. You know, I just made the dean's list here. You know what I mean? And I dropped out of college and it was the next day, you know, I'd been ministering online for like almost a year.

New Job Opportunities

You know, I'm a leader in the recovery rooms. I had a guy that I graduated high school with. He called me that next day that I dropped out of college and he said, "Brian, is this stuff real?" And I'm like, "Well, you mean?" And he was like, "I've been watching you and you give me hope. You encourage me. Your story and your testimony and the passion that you have, he's like, man, I want to offer you a job." And I'm like, I want anything, right? And he said, "I got a job for you as a barista." I didn't even know what that was, but it's serving coffee. And you know, in the room of recovery, bro, coffee's king. So, I'm like, yeah, I'm like, yeah, let's do that.

Humble Beginnings

So I go to Portland, Indiana, you know, here and in that, you know, my house arrest approves me to get a job, and they're happy. And they're encouraging me and they're proud of me. So my first day to go to my job, I walk in and it's a trailer like you would buy elephant ears out of. So I'm selling coffee out of the, you know, coming from being the man with all the money and, you know, the people and the cars and houses and stuff to serving somebody a cup of coffee was a very humbling thing. But this is where I learned forgiveness because when I walked in that trailer, there stood the law enforcement agent that was drug task force that put me behind bars that, you know, chased me on high-speed pursuits, the bad guy that, you know, I'm saying that I just absolutely despised this guy.

Unexpected Connections

I was like, What is he freaking doing here, dude? Like, I'm not doing this. And he says, "Hold on, hold on." And I'm like, okay, hold on. And we went for a ride and he said, "Brian, I've been following you too." And he said, "I'm proud of you." And I was like, like, come on. You know, it just took me away. And he said, "Man, you can do this, and not only can you do this, you're going to help other people, you know, that's been down your path to be able, you know, to encourage and uplift them." And, you know, he started pouring into me, dude.

A Rapid Ascent

And then, you know, I'm selling coffee. It was like a couple of weeks, they opened up this new shop in Upland, which is beside Ivanhoe's, a great, great little restaurant and Upland, where Taylor University is. And they thought since I started, you know, I started a ministry in this time called Hope House, which was to change the people, places, and things in your life, you know, you use Christ. So I started a faith-based ministry. They thought it would really go good if I worked in Upland because I would be around the Christian students. They moved me to Upland.

Managerial Responsibilities

So I go from a barista to a manager. The guy who offers me my job was the general manager and he went to be a principal. So they made me general manager in a couple of months. So all of a sudden, I'm managing $300,000 worth of business. You know, I got keys to a safe. Like, you know, my life just totally was transformed in about a year and a half. I really started sharing my testimony. I'm wearing an ankle bracelet. People are coming into the coffee shop and I get to tell them this crazy story. You know, I'm saying, I should be in prison and I don't look like a guy that's a drug dealer, and so they really, you know, they get that. They see the ankle bracelet and you could see their eyebrows like this. You know, this don't add up.

Media Attention

So it just gave me an opportunity to witness, bro, and witness to everyone. And here's a crazy thing that a student had come over and I witnessed to him and he was the editor of their paper, right? So all of a sudden, he was like, "Bro, I got to write this testimony down and share it, you know, with everyone." And I'm like, "That's awesome, dude." He writes it. Yeah, he writes it and then a couple weeks later, he comes in there and he's like, "Man, you're not going to believe this." And I'm like, "What's going on, bro?" And he said, "There were like 14,000 people that viewed your testimony, bro." And I was like, you know, I thought that was, it really, you know, I'm saying I was like, you know, that's cool.

Expanding Reach

And he said, "Man, like normally, it's less than a thousand." And I'm like, "Yeah, the cool factor." You know, I'm saying, and the magnitude, it just kind of hit me like, that's a lot, dude. Two weeks later, here comes a film crew. Like, I'm on house arrest, a film crew approaches me from Taylor University. And they said, "I want to videotape your testimony." And I'm like, like a documentary? We want to do a documentary and film this documentary. And I'm like, that's crazy. Let me check with house arrest to see if people can follow me or you know what I'm saying? You can come to my house.

Sharing the Message

So I cleared it with the house arrest. And they allowed a documentary to be filmed. And if you go on YouTube, you can watch it. It's called "Brian Blevins Freedom," and they won some awards and some stuff from a documentary. So yeah. So quick question. I'm a coffee efficient out of myself. I love to express that. I've got like a … I've got a grinder for espresso, you know, for espresso, plus machine in my house. And so every day I have your espresso or Americano. What's your favorite coffee drink?

The Best of Coffee

Oh, bro, we, I like frozen blended coffee. So we had, we did a thing called Uncle Joe's. And we used a polar powder cold brew. And, you know, it would be blended. So, you know, the frozen blended, bro, that was my heart. I'm when I'm straight up, man. I drink either a double shot of espresso or Americano black, no cream, but on Brian.

The Power of Service and Purpose

So what I'm hearing in your story, man, there's so much to unpack, but like to kind of to kind of take this home and it may be, maybe connect the dots. I'm hearing this thread, right, of a purpose and service to other people, right? From the moment you got out, even when you didn't know whether you were going to go to jail or not go to jail, I'm engaged in Celebrate Recovery. I'm helping others, you know, the pursuit of on the pursuit of the addiction counselor degree told me beforehand that you're almost laid to the call because you're a peer specialist. And you know, you had to go connect with somebody, you know, recovery home. I mean, all of this stuff, I just hear this passionate pursuit of service. And I'm one of those, I'm one of those big people. I've always shared the quote, I don't know whether I made it up or I stole it from somebody, but I've always said that freedom from addiction is not a destination. It's a starting point, right? It is really the launching pad for life, right? Once we get the freedom, then the Lord begins to establish purpose in us.

The Importance of Purpose

And one of the things I think I've seen, you know, I worked with Teen Challenge for 13 years of my life. I'm a former addict myself, 18 years since I used to do meth. And the one thing about my life and what I've noticed from other people that I've walked with, those who seem to get this fire in their belly for purpose and to make their lives about something other than themselves tend to experience the longest-lasting freedom, tend to struggle with relapse less, right? I mean, it's when addiction is selfishness, it's selfish driven behavior, you know, it's about our needs, our wants in the moment. And the way to break that, that I've always thought is service, is let me make my life not about self, so I can break some of those patterns or selfishness. And so what was it for you that started to spark that drive for service, right? I mean, and how pivotal has that been in your freedom even today all these years later?

The Impact of Surroundings

Man, so yeah, just surrounding myself with like-minded people and, you know, people on fire for recovery and purpose and hope, you know, all of a sudden I knew it wasn't my will or my thinking. Like, there were so many things happening in my life that I knew there was always something more. So the amount of hope, you know, that I would get from hearing other people share, watching other people's testimonies, you know, other people's stories connecting with people not wanting surface relationships, but, you know, actually caring about if you have a family like, like, you know, going deeper and, you know, I'm saying it and it's just I didn't want anything surface anymore. It's like I wanted real brothers, real relationships.

Finding the Core of Recovery

And, you know, I longed for, you know, family and I just really found that in recovery and I found a way to love me. And that was the biggest thing is I could never love myself because of all the stuff that I did. And once that I found out, you know, that what God's love was, what His grace was, what His mercy was, then I could love myself and then I could forgive myself. And forgiving myself was the hardest thing in the world. I could forgive you. It was no problem for me to forgive the people that told on me and all that stuff. The hard thing was to forgive me and then just to really learn what the cross was, what it represented and the freedom that was tied to that, that I could love me because He came in in my mess, right, and created some sort of message not for me, but for other people and put me on a pathway that is undeniable, not my path or not the path I would have even picked.

A Personal Transformation

It was like these doors just started to spring open and He would put people in my path, you know, and vice versa, you know, so I just started networking with people. But I learned how to love unconditionally. Like I don't care like what you did, what you're paying, like any of that. I could connect with somebody one-on-one and have compassion and sympathy and be able to speak into whatever situation crisis because of the experiences and, you know, recovery is connection. You know what I'm saying? So now I know how to connect, and I think when you learn how to love and connect, then it's that thing of finding balance because look, I was addicted to ministry. I got married on house arrest, I definitely say probably don't do that stuff.

Balance in Life and Ministry

You know, that's six years. Yeah, three. No, so when I was 46 years old, brother, I had another baby. So, I have a three and a half year old baby who knows James and I have a new opportunity to be a present dad. You know what I'm saying? That's what I am today. And so I get it. Oh, yeah, every totally, totally. He wanted a sober dad, and that's what he got. And he went through this little funk of, you know, wanting to play video games and do all those things, and I kicked him out of my house.

Setting Boundaries as a Parent

And you know what I'm saying? I was like, if you're not going to go to school, he dropped out of school. If you're not going to go to school and you're not going to work, you're not going to live under my roof. Like I really put my foot down into you're going to be a man. So he went off and made his choices and went back with his mother and found some struggles. And then he came back to me and had to clean the house, had to do all this other stuff. And I said, isn't it funny? That that's what I wanted you to do. You know what I'm saying? When you were and I said, if you want to be a man and if you want to help your mom, you'll go to work and you'll pay her bills because that's what men, men provide. And if you want to grow up and if you want to be a provider, you're going to work. And that's what you're going to do. And he said, well, take me.

Guiding the Next Generation

And you know, I knew a lot of people. I know people in the field I work, and we got him a job the next day. And he's been working at the spot, you know, where he's working. So he's my son's doing really well. My family's doing really well. But like I said, I was the founder of a ministry. And my wife really wasn't sold. She wanted the attention. My attention and ministry got the most of my attention. So there was a moment, you know, my wife's in recovery as well. She works in the jail with the Iraq program. So she teaches matrix groups and she's a powerful woman. You know, not only have the Lord, but you know, in the rooms of recovery as well.

Navigating Marriage and Recovery

And she relapsed when I was one year. When we were married one year, she relapsed and went to heroin. And you want to talk about from Rocky Times. And, you know, she moved out, went to rehab. She had an encounter when she was in rehab. And, you know, people told me to leave my wife. And I made a vow, a covenant in, in sickness, you know, until death, or in sickness, in health. And the God really spoke to my heart like, who are you, Brian? You know, all the stuff that you've been through, you know, and it made our relationship stronger.

A Renewed Commitments

We had a baby, which I'm 50, bro. And to have a three and a half year old, like, you know, that's, you know, God put work ethic in my life. And I think, you know, as far as, you know, what's going on in my three-year-old. But I'm young. People say, you don't look 50. I'm like, yeah, right. When you know what I'm saying.

The Importance of Self-Love

So, Brian, let me ask you one final question to kind of wrap this up. And you said a powerful piece earlier about learning to love yourself again. And really that being the basis, right? I mean, the Bible says, we're going to love our neighbor as ourselves. And if we have a bad view of self and we have poor love for us, then it ultimately impacts how we love other people, you know. And so, I mean, what did you learn about loving yourself? You know, and what lessons could you possibly share from your journey to getting to that place that might be helpful for those that are struggling with that?

Understanding Self-Worth

So I would have to separate myself as Brian on drugs and Brian not on drugs. And the Brian not on drugs is a kind, caring, compassionate, do anything for you. And then it's Jack on hide and Brian on drugs will rob, cheat, steal. So it's like an alter ego. And I had to really look at myself as two different people and say, look, this is you, you know, separated from your disease, addiction, or whatever, you know, people want to call it. Like, that's not me, and you changed your lifestyle. Like, and you know, God changed your heart. And so I just really had to look at myself as a new creation that I was born again.

The Freedom of Redefining Identity

And that dude was dead. You see why? And so because I'm not that anymore, you know, I'm a hard worker. Like I'm great. Like there's so much stuff that I found in so many tools that I've been able to develop. You know, the Bible tells us to seek ye the kingdom of God and His righteousness. And all these things will be added unto you, but all these things are just our basic needs. So when I submit to him and my basic needs are met, like that's enough, bro.

Simplifying Life's Needs

Like I don't need a new car. I don't need like all this stuff. So really, I look at with a lot of people, it's an MRT thing. It's like worries, wants, and needs, like water my wants and water my needs. So somebody really looks at their wants. It's like, do they need it? You see what I'm saying? So if you break that thing down to wants and needs, like I don't want nothing, bro. And the only thing that I need is more of Him.

Staying Grounded

So the time I'm not in balance or whatever that looks like, it's like what do I want and what do I need? So I can simplify things. And I know how to talk to people. You know, I mean, it’s just a gift that He has given to make things really simple. Because if it wasn't simple, there's no way I would get nothing, bro. It’s like you've got to dump things way down for me. And I think being in relationships, it's just learning and growing.

Patience in Growth

And it’s like planting. You know, when you plant a field, you have to break the ground. You got to do the soil. You got to plant the seed. You got to water the seed. You got to wait. You got to, you know, and then it grows. And like there's so much involved in our recovery and our lives that if we simplify things and not make things too much for somebody, because everyone's overwhelmed in the first place.

Connecting on a Deeper Level

So it's like where can you get somebody? First, you know, you get them safe. You feed their belly. You know what I mean? You set down and talk to them one-on-one. So you get them to a point to where they're comfortable. Because, you know, if somebody ate, you know, something, if you're hungry, if you're tired, if you're, if you're all these things, you know, it's harder. So it's really, you know, coming into people's lives and figuring out basic needs.

Meeting Foundational Needs

And then once the basic needs are found in people's lives, you know, like sober living, you know, residential treatment, like, you know, getting somebody safe, getting somebody close, like, you know, taking people and getting socks and underwear and the things that people take for granted, like really, it's the little things that turn into a bigger something in someone's life. Just checking on somebody and saying, "Hey, you doing good today?" People don't have people reaching out anymore. They stop doing that. You know, if you can take time, you know, I work two jobs. I started a food truck business.

New Ventures

Like, I didn't even get into like really like where I'm at today and what's going on really. But just connecting with people and continuing to give them hope. But just be real. Just be vulnerable. Just be transparent. Don't play like you got everything together because you probably don't. You know, I'm saying you've got accountability and that's everything, bro.

Future Aspirations

And what's the name of your food truck business? It's called Chubby Burgers. Nice. Fantastic. You're in Indiana. I'll put some links down below, and earlier you mentioned the documentary. So I'll go on that down and also share some of that other stuff down below. Brian, man, I appreciate it. I can talk to you for another two hours. I try to keep the conversations around an hour because people have a tolerance level there on YouTube.

Continuing the Dialogue

But when you do part two, I got another crazy, I got some more crazy stuff to share with you. You're going to have to do a part two, bro. Yeah, man, absolutely. Well, I appreciate you taking the time. Man, it's an honor, you know, to be able to chat and share your story, you know, with all the audience. And, you know, you guys that are watching, you know, you can check out those links in the description below and on, you know, connect with Brian and his food truck business and check out that documentary as well. Brian, thanks so much, man. I appreciate it, brother.