He Faced Arson Charges and Still Chose Recovery

Introduction to the Journey of Recovery

Hey, thanks so much for jumping in and checking out today's episode of the podcast where I sit down with my friend John Selby, and he tells his story of rebuilding his life after addiction and some of the challenges he faced. Hope you enjoyed that episode. Now we've known each other for quite a while now, I mean, it's about got to be at least what, 15 years, almost 16 years. I'm like, yeah, that's crazy. And we have to—we share a birthday, same exact day, which is crazy. You know, I know one other guy, he’s not with us anymore, older Jim; he passed on a couple years ago but also has the same birthday. So I did two people with a birthday on the same exact day that we share, which is crazy.

Meeting at Teen Challenge

But yeah, we met in Teen Challenge, and you know, I—you've got an incredible testimony of that part of your life, and I really want to talk about that today. Because I think that, like both of us, as former addicts on the other side of that, you know, we’ve grown beyond that part of our testimonies 100%, right? Sometimes it can get easy to get clicks and get people to tune into a conversation when you start talking about all the gory drug details, but I don't think people think about the challenge of building life on the other side of addiction. Not only putting all the pieces together, but man, you know, my battles today aren't drugs anymore, right? Like, I am an average dude trying to figure out how to raise four girls, trying to figure out how to put all these pieces into my life.

Reflection on Elijah's Wilderness Experience

But I was thinking about something, you know, before we got together. I preached on Sunday on Elijah in his journey to Kiriath when he was at the ravine there with the—you know, Ravens and all that stuff, and he really had to rely on God in that season. But what I talked about was how God took Elijah to this wilderness; he cut him off for a season. That word actually means "Kiriath" means to be cut off, and man, it really made me think about your journey before you got married, before you had kids, after Teen Challenge. You came—you were back at Teen Challenge, you were getting ready to serve, you were excited to serve. I almost likened that story to Elijah, like you know, he went to give the word to Ahab, and then all of a sudden it's like boom, God just cuts him off from the world.

The Life-Altering Accident

I remember your accident, and I just wanted to talk about that for a little bit because I think it was, number one, that part of your story is so relevant for what I preached on Sunday. But I also think that it did something incredible in you to set you up for long-term success. You know, maybe for those who aren't familiar, but I know people aren’t familiar with what happened; um, you might share in kind of what took place, you know, what cut you off from the world, if you will.

Well, you talk about the accident, right? Yeah, well, I mean before I came over, you have said man, it's been almost 16 years. I found myself—I said wow, 16 years ago I was—I had just pretty much almost hit rock bottom, 16 years ago today. And then I thought, man, here are my 16 years ago; my parents were wondering what are we going to do with John? You know, I mean it was that point God, I think, started beginning to—He allowed me to hit that rock bottom so He could begin a new work in me. And then with the accident, we were on our way to Andy's birthday party actually—we're on the way here—and then we had a head-on collision. It cracked my L through L2 vertebrae, and my dad and I had the same break in our back. It cracked my mom's femur. Last year, I had brain hemorrhaging, and of course, then we had to go to the hospital, and then of course I was shortly after graduating Teen Challenge.

The Struggle with Pain Management

Then I knew a lot of times when you go to the hospital like that, you get these painkillers and the stuff to control the pain. At that point, I was—you know, almost not fresh out of Teen Challenge. Yeah, I guess fresh out of Teen Challenge, yeah. I don't think you had barely started your internship; I think you'd been helping the ministry out for a month or two, and I think you were committed alone for a while. But then all of a sudden this thing happens, and it completely redirects what's going to happen in your life.

And yeah, you went to the hospital. You know, I don't get to talk about this to a lot of people, but I remember showing up at the hospital and hearing the doctor or somebody in the room tell me that you were adamant about refusing the painkillers. And like listen, I've—I'm a wimp, okay? Like L2 and L3, brain hemorrhaging, all this stuff going on, and like you know, that type of resolve was what always impressed me, you know? Like man, my freedom and what I have in Christ is so important to me.

Fear of Relapse

Yeah, because I was just so scared, because at that point, I was—and I see you every night. They were debating on whether they should operate on my back or not. They were kind of in the air; they fit me for a cast that I had to wear, other than sitting on my back. The nurse were coming to ask how the pain was, and I was forced out of life, so I'm good, you know. The whole time it was just killing me, but I was so scared because every time I wanted to make that choice to say I need a little bit of relief, I remember people coming into Teen Challenge hooked on opioids; hooked on Oxycontin, hooked on this because of an injury they had sustained.

Yeah, and they said, well they were taking it like the doctor prescribed. And you know, after the hospital you go home; they send, here take this every four hours, this every four hours and good to go. And as you can know it, they're constantly taking it—they're always running through my mind about, you know, gosh, I'm afraid to do this because I'm afraid I’m going to start getting addicted. Because you know, the devil's saying that you’re going to get addicted, you know? But when Christ said, I've set you free, you know, you're free indeed. You know, and I knew—I mean, I was free from it, but I was afraid to get back into it, yeah.

The Journey of Recovery and Relationship

Sure, with that, I remember you telling me because I got to the point where when I said yes, I need some, they were having to give me way more than what I needed because I was waiting so long because the pain was just so much. So they were giving me more than what I should. And I remember you telling me, quit being so stubborn, right, and let the doctors do what they need to do. Yeah, that's what I said; God, I’m going to have to do something.

Yeah, you're not going to hear a drug rehab director tell somebody to take pain pills, right? Yeah, pretty serious.

But yeah, I mean I just hit the point where I was just so scared because I was fresh out of Teen Challenge. I mean, to say Teen Challenge isn’t starting until—yeah, you're—and then during that visit in my hospital, I met a friend, well my wife now, Amanda. And she told me that same thing too. I kind of keep it low, but she was coming down for spring break. She was driving to UVA every day and coming to see me; yeah, driving a cost of aim on every single day.

Building a Family and Facing Challenges

Yeah, so that’s when y’all's relationship pretty much started. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, 15—14 years later, I never thought that we would, you know, be married. Yeah, you have two kids; we have two kids. We have a daughter who's seven, Addison, and we have Levi, who's two; yeah, so seven-year-old and two-year-old. Never would have imagined my life. You know, it's interesting like you know, I don't—and God doesn't give sickness to people. You know I know that that's not scripture; He doesn’t cause accidents to happen in our lives, you know? I don't think God directed that car.

But I’m always amazed to see how— you know, we talked about all things work together for the good. And how in those seasons of like, you know, your entire life plan changed. You're now going to have to go through this tremendous recovery process and have to walk through all that. But yet in that moment, like, number one, your sobriety and your freedom from addiction is tested a little bit with the opioids; you know, how much resolve do I really have?

The Impact of Long-Term Consequences

And all of that, and that’s all reasonable. But then also in that moment, like you meet your wife, you know? And I think there's more to the story right: like with your probation and your fines and how like you had some pretty significant restitution to pay off, right? Part of Teen Challenge I got two felony charges on me, and that being restitution of $56,000 I had to pay. And then, um, but during that accident, I never thought that the outcome would be what it is, you know? And I believe, like you said, the sobriety was tested, you know?

And I believe God had His hand on me because of my mindset. I was, you know, cautious knowing where I've been and then what could lead to a spiraling addiction downhill. Yeah, if I, uh, didn’t continue relying on Him. If I didn't continue to say, hey look, you know, once this pain's out of control, you know, once you get to where I can just take a low profan and some of that, I'm going to ditch this stuff, yeah. You know, I'm not going to continue, I'm not going to continue letting the doctor say here, take a little more of this, take a little more of that; I'm not going to continue to do that.

Provision Through Trials

And at that point, I mean, if that accident would have happened, would have Amanda—had she gone to the—I mean, would I have even crossed any more paths with her? Yeah, you know, I mean for a week straight, she came to the hospital every day. Remember that? Yeah, she was there, and then, you know, I mean she even waylaid me when I was back home, you know? I mean, had a six-hour drive. Yeah, wow, and, but the restitution—and then God made me the way to where I was able to pay that off.

And the probation was 99 years, as with the judge gave me. I remember in the courtroom, I was walking over with four other guys, and we were sitting, we were all chained together, and I was in jail because I did, you know, three months and thirteen days in jail. Um, when I went from my sentence. And yeah, and I remember you took me from Teen Challenge and did that—it was a long drive back; alone, you punk.

Listen, we went to Chile and said, hey I just feel you're the last meal, right? And all the time, uh, uh, the judge put me in jail and I had to stay there, and you had to take the long dreaded drive home. Yeah, um, here I was in jail. Uh, uh, here I was, sitting in jail realizing, you know, I said, well your sins catch up to you, you know? Even though I was free, even though I was a newborn Christian, I still had to deal with that; I had to deal with the consequences 100%. You know, I mean everybody in life deals with consequences. I try to tell my kids that at the time, you know?

Restitution and Transformation

I mean, and that's challenging too, right? Because I think, I think probably through the course, and like, I don't know, I can't think of specific people, but I've seen people come through TC with charges a lot worse, and I had to do a day. Yeah, you know, and like, and so like you're at the end of your program; you've done a year plus already, graduated June 25th, and went to jail July 10th and got out October 23rd. Three months and thirteen days. And you know, I mean, my faith was tested in there, definitely, 100%. I had to—I mean because my charges were violent; um, they were setting it up to where I wasn't going home that day.

My probation officer said, hey look, um, we're going to set you up to go to a prison boot camp because they're not going to send you to Teen Challenge because you already went there. Something about, oh my Lord, you know, zero to a minute. Everything's set up; shots and everything, and then my lawyer said you're not, you know, don't look forward to going home today; you're probably not going to go home.

Divine Intervention and Continued Faith

And then I remember the judge sentenced me to ten years to two of the arson charges and ten years to the Breckenan entering run consecutive, back to back, all suspended but time served. They always pause right? They sentence you first, they pause, and then they tell you it's suspended. Yeah, I mean, and then prior to that I was just pleading to God while I was waiting to be seen in a room. They bring you with four other people, and then all four of them people got rejected, bombed.

Yeah, so I remember thinking, oh my gosh, you know what’s going to happen? I'm sitting there pleading to God, you know, while I was shackled up in a room probably about this size, you know, before I go into the courtroom. And just, you know also something about time served, and then I continued my journey with Teen Challenge, and then, you know I was still—you know, I hadn’t met Amanda yet. You know, and I was just praying for God, you know God, you know what’s the next step in my life? Yeah, I need to know, you know, you've got me through this; I know you're not going to leave me hanging now.

Navigating Life’s Challenges

So, but at that point, I was pretty much forced to rely on Him. Yeah, you know what’s my next step in life? It’s interesting to see how all that ties together because like, you know, TC, the jail sentence, you know, the probation, the restitution, and then now it’s like okay now I’m starting to rebuild my life, right? You’re starting to rebuild your life, trying to figure out, okay, how do I be faithful in the ministry? Because you had a desire to serve in the ministry, but then also, by the way, I’ve got to earn money over here because the court's going to want their money.

And then in the middle of all that, this life-changing accident happens, and now you’re faced with a whole other set of challenges to test the faith. And like, like that's a lot back to back to back. And then you lived it, you know? When you see—you know, but like there—that’s a lot for somebody, especially fresh in their recovery to be tested with all that back to back to back. And so you guys go home after the accident; you're going on this journey of recovery and come out on the other side of that.

Divine Provision and Faithfulness

And so fifty-six thousand dollars in restitution—how did—how did the Lord work all that out for you in regards to providing when you were trusting Him? Well, we had a settlement with that, you know, and that was able to help pay for that. How did that feel to go into the office and write a check? Oh, it felt great, and what the first thing that came to my mind was, you've got to tithe that.

You know, because I’m thinking like, man, is it income from work, or is it income from this? Right? No, you’ve got to tithe that. And writing—I don't know if you want to at this at writing a $14,000 check to a church. Yeah, well, I mean, but you—I mean, it is what it is; I mean, yeah, you know, so there's what, 60 going, yeah. You know, but you— you off through this journey though, and you're talking about like even going back to what I mentioned with the sermon I preached on Sunday about Elijah: like I'm going to feed you by a raven—like, okay thanks, God.

You know, like I read the Bible like that because I try to put those pieces together, like what is this going to look like? And then Elijah's there; God’s sending the raven, the provision's there, the brook's getting ready to dry up because Elijah had just prophesied a drought, and then God’s like, okay, now go to this next town and go talk to a widow. Like she’s broke like she’s—you know, they’re in a drought; she probably doesn’t have food; she probably doesn’t have water. But God is like Elijah take the next step; take the next step and show me your faithful obedience, your ability to depend on me, excuse me, to be your social provision.

Closing Thoughts on Faith and Provision

And it's almost like I hear you, like saying that you know, it's like okay, God, here’s the next step, right? And I don’t know how I’m going to reconcile paying off my fines, I’m getting restitution, I know you called me to go serve in this ministry for this season. So I’m just going to take the next step, and then during that season it’s like, oh crap, I just got head-on collision by a car tire. Life has changed every night, but yet okay, God, I know in this moment my freedom, I need to stay faithful to this.

I’m just going to be obedient, and you meet your wife, and then the Lord blesses that faithfulness. So the settlement didn’t have—like what a year or so? Yeah, so you had—plenty of time too to buy—I’m going to say prove—not that God was looking for you to prove it, but almost show that you weren’t going to be dependent on these pills; like you broke off of those and moved on, right? Yeah, and so it’s just the faithfulness dude; it’s so awesome.

And I just, you know, give all the glory to God on that, you know, because when He, you know, with that money came, man, you know you can’t be like, oh my gosh. Yeah, you know, I don’t know, my gosh, but you know, God is like hold on; back up, it’s not yours. Yeah, it’s, you know, first you need to give me mine, you know? Of course, then I had to pay the fines and then, um, what more? Yet, when I was in my pretty deep in my drug addiction, I, um, worked at a Boeing Allen, and he hired me because he knew my dad.

Making Amends and Healing Relationships

And, um, I think he kind of knew I was kind of in a rough situation; he thought maybe hiring me would kind of help set me. But I was still in it, and I was stealing at this point; stealing from him, from the business. Um, and then that’s the thing. You need to go and you need to pay back what you what you dug. Wow. So, yeah, I’m like in my room, and I’m like hard. I've never heard this before, I know.

No, the first time I've never really—I think I’m going to be told Amanda—that was hard. I’m thinking like man, you know, I got to say it was not yours, and and you not only stole from him, stole from the business but stole from the family. Because at that point he had two kids probably running out of—some days maybe now then, and then you know he said what you—you need to make that right.

Yeah, so I’m thinking, oh Lord, you know, because he fired me on the spot. You know, you know, I was half blown with a $2,000 you stole from me; you never called the police on you or anything? No, no, no. So how was his reaction when you went and made it right? Oh yeah, so it’s out so come on a phone, right? Hey, since so and so, you know, I want to come, yeah, talk to you, you know?

The Power of Restoration and Obedience

Okay, I was nervous; my hands were clammy. So I wanted Amanda to pull the money out to hand it to him. I wanted to explain my story to him first before coming to it; here because you know, he didn’t—but at this point he probably didn’t know that I was at Teen Challenge, what I mean. He— I mean, you could think I was playing dope, you know? So before I did that, I wanted to explain my story so he’s not so reluctant on taking the money because I thought he needed to have this money, you know, either him or somebody's taking it, cause I got to give it back to you and out of your hands.

Yeah, and, and you know, he was just—I mean he was at all on what changed me and that I actually came back. Wow, and gave it back to him, yeah. You know, because I explained, I said, not only not stole from you or the business, but I stole from your whole family, you know, and that was almost like a release. Yeah, you know? And then during that transition I was serving in the youth for the church I was going to at that time that I wrote the big joke.

Oh yeah, sure, you could do it. I said that, yeah. But I was serving there, you know, and still talking with Amanda, you know, having that long-distance relationship, figuring out, you know, still what to do in life. You know, do I, am I—I knew I’d be, I was supposed to marry Amanda, you know, but how is it going to work with her? Am I going to live back in my hometown, or am I going to live down here?

Seeking Guidance and Direction

You know, so I was contemplating; I know what to do, you know? And then one night I was trying—I’m driving around. We were pretty serious at this point, you know? Me and Amanda, I think we were engaged. And then God, I don’t know what to do here. It was again, still trying to rebuild my life, and God, I need you; I need you, you know? No matter—I don’t know if I’m going to have money in the world if you’re a Christ follower, you know? You can’t depend on the money, yeah.

You know, I think like God, I don’t know what to do now, yeah, you know? So I was driving around a private community that I worked in, and then I was like, man, I just need a sign, and God, you got to give me something, yeah, you know? What do I stay down here and start my family down here, or do I come up here to the Shenandoah? And then the youth night happened where somebody was able to step in that role, and I’m with kind of give me confirmation and say, hey, I think now this is the time to leave. Yeah, you know?

Closing Reflections on Parenting and Legacy

You know, man, I was thinking like as you were talking about calling back and like making restitution, right? And that being a part of your journey and the Lord very clearly speaking to you and saying like give this money away, like it’s not yours. You know, and I think there’s so much there, but I think that a lot of times we come to the cross, and like our sins before God are wiped away as far as the East is from the West and that that’s amazing.

But a lot of times I think people miss the part that just because God’s forgiven us doesn’t mean we’ve made everything right with the people that we hurt. And I think sometimes we gloss over that, you know? And to be able to not only walk this faith journey but then be in a position that like, you know, you probably could have just—you know, whatever, it’s been so long; he probably doesn’t care anymore, you know? And he might have moved, but the testimony to come forth— not only of the power of Jesus working in your life but then the integrity piece to go back; like what an amazing story, what an amazing testimony for the kingdom of God.

You know, because a lot of times we—it’s all about Jesus; it’s all about His will. But then we don’t think about the people that we’ve wronged and like fixing that; like that’s the best sermon we could ever preach. You know what I’m saying? And then, like I don’t—I don’t know. I would think that it probably changed that guy’s life; at least something about his life. And one of the money; the money’s inconsequential, but the act, you know? And I don’t know how you—I don’t know if he’s a Christian; I don’t know much about him at all.

Legacy and Imperfection in Parenthood

But that act probably told him everything that he needs to know about Jesus, yeah. And I, you know, I believe—I mean, I’ve heard of this probably too, as well as you did, heard of a lot of people, you know, a lot of those relationships. But some of the times I thought, you know, look back because I struggled with that, even my dad’s, you know? Because what I did to him, you know, I’m saying, you know, how it happened, how it transpired, how it went down. He merely fired me, you know? He said don’t you ever show your face up here again.

Of course then I got scared at that point because I was pairing a wooden, all that; and they’re like I don’t know if you should—maybe, you know, I think they maybe wrong. But I think they mentioned about maybe mailing something to him, but I’m like, I got to do this face to face. Yeah, I was scared; I was nervous. I didn’t know how it was all going to transpire. I don’t know if he wants to see your face ever again, you know? Leave.

I know how all that was going to transpire, but I know I had to make that one right even though I messed up relations, toxic relationships. I believe that it probably wasn’t best for me to even try to even go back and restore those, you know? Because it was toxic anyway. It’s that—it’s that work from the Lord there, right? It’s like I got to leave the brook, right? You know, and it’s maybe not exactly the same, but like I got to go; like the Lord is telling me to move from this place where I am to this place over here.

The Path to Obedience and New Beginnings

And it’s—it’s a—it maybe not—you’re going back and it’s like I got to go, right? It’s not just corrective action, but there’s like—there’s like growth, you know? It’s like we want to not just correct behavior but help them grow through it too, and that’s difficult, man, because like, you know, we’ve got four kids in the house, three, one of them is only one, you know? She’s not being disciplined, right? She’s not being corrected, but like the other three, all of them respond differently too, you know?

I even noticed as we were dealing with an issue the other night; one of my girls, she gets gangster, just doesn’t care. She just kind of slouches down in the chair when you’re correcting her and all that. You know, it’s just like it’s not even a shut down; it's just like okay I’m done with this. Now you’re almost like, okay, now what? You know? And that type of behavior, the other one, it’s very emotional, and it’s like the entire world is being stripped away from her because she’s being corrected.

And they’re like, those are two extremes, you know? And like trying to figure out how to correct both but meet them where they’re at and where their emotions are and how they process things is interesting. And not—I’m learning too, I’m with you, man; like my wife is a godsend don’t all that, like because you know?

Yeah, she’s got the patience with the children, and I’m a pretty patient guy as well, but like I don’t know; I just, yeah, okay, just keep—you know? She says that when I say something right, you know what I’m saying? We’re back and forth, you know? And when she does something, then Levi sees that, and then of course she gets a consequence—why is Levi doing that? Why does he do that?

Yeah, because he’s—you know, he doesn’t understand yet, you know? You know what I’m saying? It makes sense. So we try to do that; I like in your kid up, yeah. Yeah, and Amanda does a whole lot better than I do. I mean, I’m struggling on that aspect. I’m struggling. Yeah, discipline is—it's hard; it’s not my forte.

Reflection on Growth as a Parent

You know, disciplining kids is like trying to figure that process. So it’s not just corrective action, but there’s like—we want to not just correct behavior but help them grow through it too, and that’s difficult, man. Because, you know, we’ve got four kids in the house, three, one of them is only one, you know? She’s not being disciplined, right? She’s not being corrected.

But like the other three, all of them respond differently too, you know? I even noticed as we were dealing with an issue the other night; one of my girls, she gets gangster; she just doesn’t care, you just kind of slouches down in the chair, you know? When you’re correcting her, and all that, you know, it’s just like it’s not even a shut down; it’s just like okay, I’m done with this now, you’re almost like a, okay, now what? You know? And that type of behavior, the other one, it’s very emotional, and it’s like the entire world is being stripped away from her because she’s being corrected.

Yeah, I mean, that’s challenging too, right? Because, I think—I think probably through the course and like—I don’t know I can’t think of specific people but I’ve seen people come through TC with charges a lot worse. And I have to do a day, yeah, you know? And like, and so like you’re at the end of your program—you’ve done a year plus already, yeah; graduated June 25th, and went to jail July 10th and got out October 23rd.

Conclusion and Community Connection

Three months and thirteen days. And you know, I mean my faith was tested in there definitely, 100 percent. Definitely I had to—I mean, because my charges were violent—you know they were setting it up to where I wasn’t going home that day. My probation officer said, hey look, we’re going to set you up to go to a prison boot camp because they’re not going to send you to Teen Challenge because you already went there.

Something about, oh my Lord, you know, zero am. Everything’s set up; shots and everything. And then my lawyer said you’re not, you know, don’t look forward to going home today; you’re probably not going to go home. And then I remember the judge sentenced me to ten years to two of the arson charges and ten years to the Breckenan entering run consecutive, back to back, all suspended but time served.

They always pause, right? They sentence you first and then they pause and then they tell you it’s suspended.

Yeah, I mean and then prior to that, I was just pleading to God while I was waiting to be seen in a room. They bring you with four other people, and then all four of them people got rejected, bombed.

Praise for Faithfulness

And I remember thinking like, oh my gosh, you know what’s going to happen? I’m sitting there pleading to God, you know while I was shackled up in a room probably about this size, you know, before I go into the courtroom. And just, you know also something about time served and then I continued my journey with Teen Challenge and then, you know I was still, you know I hadn’t met Amanda yet. You know, and I was just praying for God, you know God, you know what’s the next step in my life? Yeah, I need to know, you, you’ve got me through this I know you’re not going to leave me hanging now.

So, but at that point, I was pretty much forced to rely on Him. Yeah, you know what’s my next step in life? It’s interesting to see how all that ties together because like, you know TC, the jail sentence, you know, the probation, the restitution and then now it’s like okay now I’m starting to rebuild my life right? You’re starting to rebuild your life, trying to figure out okay how do I be faithful in the ministry? Because you had a desire to serve in the ministry but then also by the way I’ve got to earn money over here because the court’s going to want their money.

And then in the middle of all that this life changing accident happens and now you’re faced with a whole other set of challenges to test the faith. And like, like that’s a lot back to back to back. And then you lived it, you know? When you see you know but like there that’s a lot for somebody especially fresh in their recovery to be tested with all that back to back to back. And so you guys go home after the accident you’re going on this journey of recovery and come out on the other side of that.

And so fifty-six thousand dollars in restitution how did how did the Lord work all that out for you in regards to providing when you were trusting them? Well we had a because a settlement with that, you know and and that was able to to help pave the way for that how did that feel to go into the office and write a check? Oh it felt great and and and what what the first thing to cane my mind was you’ve got to tithe that you know because I’m thinking like man is it is it is it income from work or is it income from this right no you you you got to tithe that.

And and and writing I don’t know if you want to at this at writing a fourteen thousand dollar check yeah to a church, yeah. Well I mean but you I mean it is what it is I mean. Yeah, you know so there’s what sixty going yeah. You know but you you you off through this journey though and you’re talking about like even going back to what I mentioned with the sermon and praise from Sunday about Elijah like I’m going to feed you by a raven like okay thanks God you know like this is you know like I got I read the Bible like that because I like I try to put I try to put those pieces together like like what what is this like what is this going to look like and then Elijah is there God sending the raven the provisions are there the Brooks getting ready to dry up because Elijah had just prophesied a drought and then God is like okay now go to this next town and go talk to a widow like she’s broke like she’s you know they’re in a drought she probably don’t have food she probably don’t have got water but God is like Elijah take the next step take the next step and show me your faithful obedience your ability to pendle me excuse me to be your social provision.

And it’s almost like I hear you like like saying that you know it’s like okay God here’s the next step right? And I don’t know how I’m going to reconcile paying off my fines I’m getting restitution and I know you called me to go serve in this ministry for this season so I’m just going to take the next step and then during that season it’s like oh crap I just got head on collision by a car tire life has changed every night but yet okay God I know in this moment my freedom I need to I need to stay faithful to this I’m just going to be obedient and you meet your wife and then the Lord blesses that faithfulness center the settlement didn’t have like what a year or so.

So you had you had you had plenty of time too to buy I’m gonna say prove not that God was looking for you to prove it but almost show that you weren’t going to be dependent on these pills like you broke off of those and moved on right? Yeah and so it’s just the faithfulness dude it’s so it’s so awesome yeah and and and I just you know give all the glory to God on that you know I’m because when he you know with that money came man you know you can meet me like oh my gosh yeah you know I don’t know my gosh but you know guys like hold on back up the back up it’s not yours yeah it’s you know first you need to give me mine you know the course then I had to pay the fines and then what more yet when I was in my pretty deep in my drug addiction I worked at a Boeing Allen and he he hired me because he knew my dad and he I think he kind of knew I was kind of in of a you know rough situation he thought maybe hiring me would kind of help set me but I was still in it and I was stealing at this point stealing from him from the business and then that’s the thing you need to go and you need to need to pay back what you what you dug wow so yeah I’m like in my room and I mean at I’m like hard I’ve never heard this before I know no the first time I’ve never really I’ll think I’m gonna be told Amanda yeah that was hard I’m thinking like man you know I got to say it was not yours and and and you not always stole from him throw from the business stole from the family because that because that point he had two kids probably run out of some days maybe now then and then you know he said what what you you need to go you need to need to make that right yeah so I’m thinking oh lord you know because he fired me around the spot you know you know half blown with a two thousand dollars you stole it from me you never called the police on you or anything no no no so how was his reaction when you went and made it right oh yeah so so it is out so come on a phone right hey since so and so you know I want to come yeah talk to you you know okay I was nervous my hands are climbing so I wanted a van can pull the money out here at him I wanted to explain my story to him first before coming to it here because you know he didn’t that but at this point he probably didn’t know that I that I want the team to change what I mean he I mean you could think I was playing dope you know so before I did that I wanted to explain my story so he’s not so reluctant on you know taking the money because I feel that he needed to have this money you know either him or somebody’s taking it because I got to give it back to you and out of your hands yeah yeah and and you know he would just I mean he was at he was at all on on what changed me and that I actually came back wow and gave it back to him yeah you know because I explained I said not only not stole from you or the business but I stole from your whole family you know and that is almost like a release yeah you know and then with that ribbon sick you in your life instead of a new life and then you adult they reformed through all that faithfulness of God on your life and moving forward from where things were broken and you’ve you’ve turned this corner you’ve turned a new life and it’s a beautiful thing to hear.