He Lost His Family to Meth - Then God Restored Everything

What do you do when your son grows up in church and still ends up addicted to meth? Today I'm sitting down with Matthew Vi, a husband, a father, a man who lost everything but found new life in Jesus. His story is not about meth or prison, but it's about a God who doesn't quit even when we do. If you're a parent praying through praying, a spouse stuck in survival mode, or someone who's clawing their way through recovery, this one's for you. Let's dive in. Do you want to introduce yourself real quick and then we'll just jump into the conversation? Oh, yeah. My name is Matthew Vai. I'm a born again believer. So, I've got my life together now and I'm a child of God. Amen. So, so I want to dive into some of maybe your backstory on figure out how you ended up getting to the place of addiction and dealing with that battle and from what I know about your family, right? You grew up around church. you guys were hyper involved, and what was that like growing up in a ministry home, as a kid? Man, honestly, it was very I say I had a really good childhood. I have no complaints. I had a lot of friends. I was close with my brothers and even my cousins. we all ran around together as kids our whole entire lives. And then it was more so of like a snowball effect for me personally. Like it didn't start out with the hard crazy drugs at the beginning. Like you get to sports was always involved with me and all my friends. So you get to eighth grade where you can start playing high school sports as a JV. Yeah. And then that's where it started going to parties, getting older, being 13, 14 years old as a teenager, hanging out with older kids, too. And then just jumping back and forth, playing that fence line. But yeah, I grew up in church. Were your parents pastoring like when you were younger? Your dad? So your entire life your dad? Yeah, my whole life I've been in church. And I think that had a big part in me not getting too far gone so young so quickly and which helped bring the transition for me I think a little bit easier and getting back to where I needed to be. Yeah. We I grew up in a ministry family as well like my mom and dad were even before they were full-time ministers like we were hyper involved first ones in last ones out of the church always growing up. And so I go down that road because like people hear that and they're "Oh, preachers kid." Right. Right. And like not a lot. There are two stigmas around preachers kids. Like either perfect, everything's squared away or like we're the Heliens. Like we're the absolute worst, ? And so I want to go into that. So you talked about eighth grade playing sports. Like when did the first experimentation start? Do you remember like when you first tried drugs for the first time? What pulled you in, around that season of life? Well, the first thing I ever tried was, the what they typically call the gateway drug, right? Smoking pot. Yeah. Yeah. And alcohol was always involved with drug use for me as far as that goes. But yeah, I was I want to say 13 years old, 8th grade, having so many friends and being so social and just watching movies and going to public school and just being around other kids and you just follow the crowd and the swing of things when you're out and about with kids or at parties and this and that and then one things end up leading to another. So would you say it was more just this is what the group is doing and so I'm just going to do what the group is doing? Yeah, it was always like with at least with me and my friends and even my brothers and my cousins and stuff, it was always more so like there wasn't one person that was really "Oh, we got to do this." what ? It was more of like a group "Oh, this might be fun. Let's try it." So, and so let's talk about the snowball effect a little bit, right? as you're you're you're eighth grade, you're experimenting with pot and whatnot, like when did it progress? When did it become more than just I'm doing this to hang out with the boys and to fit in with the crew to like you started the statement out saying like I'm an addict, right? so there's there was a progression there, I'm assuming. Yeah, definitely. yeah, that's where I do think I do have that addictive personality tendency to where when you I do try something that I do enjoy, it's all or nothing for me, right? And it's been that way now looking back being older since I was very young because once the time me and some of my friends and our group of people we all hung out with tried pot and enjoyed it, it became pretty much a regular thing on the weekends at least. what ? Going to parties, this and that. But I'd say the transition to anything harder would have [Music] [Music] [Music] been 10th 11th grade. It was years gradual for me. Yeah. But it was pot and then pills and then I think first time I tried cocaine was 11th grade. Okay. And like 11th, 12th, junior senior in high school with cocaine and ecstasy, Molly, stuff like that. Yeah. It just Yeah. Gra literally a snowball. That's why I like to call it snowball effect because it was just trickling. Yeah. And I was still going to church the whole entire time and going to school, I made good grades, but that's I feel like how the enemy also likes to attack you as a young kid because you don't think you're creating these real bad habits that's going to turn into something you do every day that's a even harder drug and then can potentially land you in prison or kill you. So when you say you progressed and you were experimenting like would you say that there eventually became your drug of choice if you will like your landing spot or were you one of those folks that just whatever was available that's what you were engaged in. Hey before we jump back in I want to tell you about team hope. It's a simple way to put the hope of Jesus within reach of families that are battling addiction for just $30 a month or $1 a day. Your support helps create more conversations like this one. reach more people with stories of freedom and walk with families who feel like they're out of option. If you've been blessed by this episode, would you pray about joining Team Hope today? You can sign up at SVTC.info/team hope or click the link in the description. That's SVTC.info/team hope or click the link in the description. Thanks so much. And now back to the episode. Eventually, as I got older, I tried meth. I think 20. Okay. Okay. Okay. somewhere around there and that became my drug of choice was I call it dope but meth. Yeah. So during that process when did your family first start to recognize that there was a problem like with all of this going on? Was it during high school or later on in life? And and how did they react when they first found out that you were struggling with substance abuse? they definitely called us cuz me and my brothers were all really close in age and we got they called us on the weekends in high school and stuff all the time and then we'd be grounded, couldn't go anywhere for a while, the whole high school, but yeah, they were very upset. But then once they found out it became like in my 20s when it got harder and they knew that because you can't hide doing meth every day. what ? Like you just can't hide it. It changes everything. So once they saw that the change in me, my behavior, my body, it was definitely really hard on them. But they still never I love my parents to death for everything they've done and been through for me and my family. And I can't thank them enough because they never quit on us. Wow. Yeah. But it was definitely a roller coaster ride for them, I'm sure. So, how did that start to affect like your relationship? let's just say with your brothers, so to speak, like with all of this going on, were you guys engaged in the party lifestyle together? Yeah. For Okay. Yeah. All of us. Unfortunately, it took its toll on my older brother, me, and my younger brother. We all And our relationship was also like a roller coaster just because when you mix drugs into relationships, it's going to affect them negatively. Even if you're partying and stuff together or doing even like the business side of it together, which is terrible also, but everything is always up and down. One minute you hate each other, the next minute you love each other. And it's just Yeah. yeah, there came a point in my life where I literally had like nobody, like odds and ends with everyone, and it was all because of drugs. Yeah, there's certainly that tension. my older brother robbed me for $1,000 worth of dope one time, and I'll never forget that. it's like and he told me afterwards "I was doing you a favor. I was looking out for you, little bro. I didn't want you to kill yourself." I'm "You liar." Anyway, so but those relationships do get dicey. So, how did your relationship with your parents? how was it during, some of the worst of your addiction? you said they never gave up on you, but I'm I'm sure there was some moments of tension, right? Even with trying to help, like in the frustration the families experience when they're trying to do the best for us. They're trying to help pull us out, but also there's that really fine line that we have to walk loving an addict between loving and caring versus enabling. And like as much as I've read about it and as much as I've talked about it, I don't think anybody ever gets it right, like a lot of times you say the word enabling and people think you're trying to be judgmental and whatnot and it's like no, like I get it. Like I'm really good at holding boundaries with the people that I serve in the recovery program, right? But like when my brother and sister were struggling, dude, I sucked at those boundaries. Threw them out the window. And so just curious how that dynamic played out with your parents. Like I would say I know it's a real fine line between loved ones and helping and catering or whatever you want to call it. what ? But that's a hard question honestly. But I would say there did become a time where things did get so bad between me and some of my brothers where like we couldn't all stay at the house together there just because things were going to not go well. Yeah. what ? So yeah. they did everything they could for me, but there was a time where I wasn't allowed to be at the house if both my other brothers were there, too, just because things weren't good between all of us. Yeah. So, your parents are left in the situation having to keep the peace. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. It was really rough. But at the same time, like I always knew I could come home if I absolutely had to and that phone call could be made. Yeah. Because I ended up did get in trouble with the law. So, I did almost three years in prison. So, and they were there for me throughout the whole thing. Do you mind saying what that was for? Drugs. Drugs. I got possession with intents. Okay. Yeah. In the city of Harrisonburg. Yeah. So, you ended up doing three almost three years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, thinking back to your parents because you made a statement earlier. You said, "Man, they never stopped loving me. They never gave up on me." Right. Years later, you're married. You've got a kid. How does your the way your parents responded to you, the grace, the compassion that they showed on you, how does that impact the way that you parent? I know your kids are younger and we're not talking about all these problems, but just in principle, ? I understand it now being a parent and just having I have a seven-year-old and almost two-year-old, so I definitely understand where that love and compassion and why they did give me so much grace for sure. But also, no in no way, shape, or form were my decisions their fault at all. they did everything they could. But I almost think now looking back on things I got away with and was able to sneak around and know what I know about myself and now my I have to look after my offspring to where I think I'm going to be probably more of a controlling parent than they were. For sure. Yeah. And I think that's something like I wonder because I thought about that with my parents a lot because the world they grew up in versus the world we grew up in versus the world my kids are growing up in and it keeps changing. Things are even different now than they were when I was young. It's crazy. So it's like the things that I'll probably be anal about that were a struggle in my generation. Like how is that going to be different for my teenage daughters growing up? was there a lot of people talk about a rock bottom moment, right? Yeah. And there's these moments where some people have them and they're very sudden, some people it tends to be maybe more of a slow transition, but there's this moment where it just clicks, right? That I just can't do this anymore. Do you remember what that moment was for you and what ultimately was your catalyst to start changing your life after all the stuff that you walked through? So, this was after I'd already been in trouble with the law and I had gotten I hadn't been sentenced yet, but I had gotten out on bond and I was going to these outpatient rehab classes to try to get clean, this and that. But I was still struggling. I like even out on bond going to see a pre-trial probation officer and in these drug classes like I still slipped up here and there. And then my wife, it was we already had one daughter and my relationship with my brothers and stuff was already really rocky. My relationship with my parents still wasn't great because what ? I'd already gotten in trouble and I still I'm not still not completely walked away from the whole lifestyle. But my wife had done had enough now. So, and her parents lived in Paige County from where we were staying and where her job was at in Stanton. It was like an hour and a half, dude. And she chose to not stay with me anymore and take my daughter, our daughter together, and go stay at her parents house and said she wasn't coming back until I put it behind me. Wow. And that was the rock bottom for me. Yeah. Because all my real friends I didn't even talk to anymore. All I had was party friends, but I'm trying to get out of the lifestyle. My relationship with my brothers was trash. And my parents, everything was still rocky because they fully don't understand addiction, what ? And I don't blame them at all. But that was it. My wife for me was and I don't know why she didn't do it sooner, honestly. But when you love someone, it's I'm sure really hard. And it was finally "All right, Matthew, you're on your own now because I'm not gonna keep walking through the mud with you when Yeah. Yeah. what ? So during the real intense parts of your addiction, it sounds like your wife was more present experiencing more of that than your parents were at the time. Yeah. She was there with me the whole time. Okay. Yeah. not participating or anything like that like No, she wasn't involved in any of that but she but from support of family. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So, so that moment she she you get it together or we're done. Yeah. And was not coming back until I had some clean time under my belt and this and that. And she had no she was knowing I was going to go we knew I was going to go to jail or prison. We just didn't know for how long because there was no way in getting in trouble with the law and doing what I was doing and how I got caught. There was no way avoiding time. Yeah. And we all knew that. But she even still was get it together and I will come back. But if you don't, like I'm not sticking around to watch you keep using. So there's a difference, right? The way I see it between sobriety, right? Sobriety, anybody can have that, but there's also the relationship with Christ, right? Right. And where the Lord breaks through. And when did that happen? Like when did God like the seeds were planted, right? Grew up in a ministry home. And you alluded to that earlier. I think the reason I didn't go as far as I went was because of the stuff my parents invested in me. So when in the middle of all of that did you have your revelation that I need to go back to I need to turn back to Christ. Like I need to get serious about my walk with him. Right. And that was a slow process for me too. Once she left, I sat down with my parents and started going to this Bible study with them. I still went to church every Sunday, but I really just started getting into watching preachers preach on YouTube. And getting in your Bible is pretty much the best way that I found. getting people sewing into you and then worship and then reading. are the three ways to feed ourselves of the Lord, right? Yeah. So, and there was this one man who definitely had a big part in all that name for all that transition for me and his name was Neil and he was just a friend of my dad's going to the church and a great man of God and just decided to sew a seed more into me for something some reason. God put him there for a reason, obviously. And he was a big part of just like a spiritual father guidance for me in that beginning time right there to really push me the way I needed to be pushed to really focus on the Lord at that beginning stage again. So, all this is taking place. The Lord's starting to subtly work on you. You've got to experience some time in jail and whatnot. It was really weird time. It's It is a lot. There's a lot going on, man. It was really a lot going on. When was it clear that your wife was going to stick that she was coming back? Like when did A few months it went by and then she came back. Okay. what ? Like she came back and we were together again in the same house and like she wasn't staying with her parents no more. She was staying with me and my parents and but we I still hadn't been sentenced yet and we were still just waiting. And then even throughout my sins, she stayed the whole time. Like we were still together. Yeah. nothing was perfect throughout that time. Things being in a relationship with somebody who is doing three years in almost three years in prison isn't easy. So we still had a rocky road too. But I definitely got a foundation laid in Christ being clean too. Like some clean time under my belt before I went into prison. And I had my wife and my parents both support going in. in. in. throughout that whole time which made that easier for me but it was still yeah very difficult and it's still the devil likes to creep in and make doubt in your head in there also and if anyone who's ever done time in prison that you can still get high in prison the whole entire time. Yeah. If you choose to, right? Yeah. So, what did that do for you? internally, like when you realize that, man, she's she's hanging in there with me like right like that is uncommon. Very, it would have been easier to give up on you. And how did that impact and shape your determination like I'm going to do this? I'm staying the course with this whole thing. It's worth it. Yeah. it definitely helped, man. she's been my rock throughout this whole time. And definitely probably saved my life, her and my kids. Yeah. Just because being a serious drug addict and mixing so many drugs all the time together. you could overdose or get in a car crash or any anyone can go at any time like when I promise, but yeah, she played probably the biggest part in all of it and helping me. Yeah, it's so good, man. I love to dive into that like and ask those questions because I think sometimes we don't realize even if we don't feel it, the impact of our actions or our support toward other people, right? Right. Like that phrase sewing seeds, and I think people that are trapped, we do feel it like we do feel we do realize that when people are making those decisions and sometimes not until we get sober do we realize the depth of their sacrifice. Yeah. Right. you don't for yeah going being on the other end of it doing the stuff to the people you have no idea really what you put them through until you're on clean or on the other side and then seeing it be done from another point of view. Yeah. So you did your time and you come out and what was that rebuilding process like not just with your family being back home getting back into the rhythm husband dad and you finding employment and all of that like what did that process how did that play out for you because I got out 7 weeks early 49 days early on good behavior and the only reason they did that is because of co right like getting people in and out for what cycling through and just germwise ing co. It was like a co early release thing, but you can't get that unless you're on good behavior. And I was on good behavior because I went in seeking the Lord. Yeah. Yeah. So, and then I come home Yeah. to a ghost town, man. Everything was shut down. It was weird. Yeah. And then you come home and you feel weird anyway. Just anxious, nervous for no reason. Like anxiety. Like still being a Christian, you still get all those feelings. you. But if you're filled with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, you can just deal with them better. Yeah. In my point of view. So yeah, it took me a few months to find a job and then I got a job. I worked at Finn and Co. which was a countertop company and that was good for a while. I did that for a couple years and then got a better job and I'm still there now and actually got the job because of my older brother. Yeah, that's awesome. yeah, just blessings on blessings. So after the rebuilding and all that, man, like you said, how many how long have you been clean now? You had to My last use date was March of 2018. Okay. So that's what seven years. Yeah. Yeah. How does that feel? Great. Crazy. Like it's really crazy when you start to put it into words and think about it and say it. But now, you get to a point to where you just don't remember or think about it like that anymore. Yeah. Yeah. But then once you start talking about it, you're man, seven years is a long time. Like I haven't went even close to that because I started when I was 13, right? So, and I'm 32. Yeah. Yeah. That's wild, man. think about that. I think the cool thing about that about like breaking it and beating it early, right, is like you got a whole life left now, ? And man, I don't know, maybe we are living in a different time like with like I'm glad I got out before fentanyl became a thing. Yeah. Cuz there's no question I wouldn't be here today, right? Like with all the stuff that I was dabbling into and I've lost friends, ? I've lost Yeah. Unfortunately, that's the bad part of that lifestyle we live in. You're definitely going to lose people. Yeah. It's crazy, man. and I think one of the things back in the day, we would see like lifetime drug addicts, people that have been doing it for 30, 40 years, and those folks don't seem to exist as much anymore because of the world we're in. And it's it's it's sad, man. And so, man, I love hearing your story. I love hearing the progression and your wife's commitment, right, through that whole journey is phenomenal. And it seems like that's a theme, right, in your life, in your story. Yeah. parents who don't give up, a wife who just won't quit, and like you didn't seem like you had a choice but to find Jesus and all this, with everybody. And even still, everything I went through was like he was always there, man. Yeah. Always there the whole time. It's just waiting on you to accept him. Yeah. That's so good. And so on the other side of this now, man, like how would you say what's the biggest piece that Jesus has like reshaped your life? Like who you are today versus who you were back then? Like if you had to put a few words to that, how would you describe that? Man, that's a really good question, bud. I don't know. who I am today verse who I was then. I think a lot of my personality and stuff is still the same. I just I'm more targeted towards and more conscious about my decision making. what ? Try to be more responsible in the things I am doing and not doing. And I'm still learning. I'm definitely not perfect and I don't claim to be perfect whatsoever at all. Still learning myself. And that's another thing I'm still I really would like to pursue. And my heart lies in ministry, of course. And I've and especially in addicts. I've been there, done that. I've beat it. I would say that's why claiming you're a drug, like I'm an addict. I say that just to let people know that like I went through that, but like I'm not, what that anymore. I don't know how to word it correctly, but Yeah. I don't claim that no more. I claim Jesus. Yeah. That's why I'm getting that. what ? What's that? Old creation, old man, new man, right mindset. Right. Exactly right. And when we're in him, we're new creations. Born again, is what the scripture says. And it's I get it. Like we use the shared language like I don't even like the word recovery. I'm a disciplehip person, but I use it because people understand it. And and that's cool, man. So, so one final question, man, just to wrap this up and put a bow on it, it, it, like to the watching wife or parent out there, right? And they're listening to this, they're hearing your story, encouraged by it, man, what would you say to somebody, and maybe even clearheaded where you're at now? What do you wish somebody would have said to your wife back in the middle of all of your mess? and maybe they didn't need you to say anything, but just encouraging those parents out there or the spouses. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would say your shirt says it. Hope, man. Just don't give up hope if you obviously you really love them and care about somebody and it is beatable 100%. 100%. 100%. just steer them to Christ and try to do the best you can with the circumstances you're given. But yeah, if you really love them, just steer them to Christ and don't give up hope because you don't there is a way to beat addiction for sure. And number one, it's Jesus Christ and then a good support system. Yeah. How did things change with your parents? cuz I know we you hear a lot about losing having a loved one on addiction is like is like watching them die but they're still alive. They're still breathing, a completely different person. And like was there a moment that you would say that your mom and dad were man, I got my son back? Yeah, I would say the moment was once my wife left and then I started really diving into the Lord and they slowly started seeing the changes in me and all that. I would say it was then and then also when I came home because I'm sure they still had their doubts, what ? Just because me doing something for so long there's always that seed in the back of someone's head like well is he going to come home from prison the same person? Yeah, what ? And then I came home and I was and still doing right and doing the best I could with the situations I was given and never falling off really and just staying on track. So, yeah, I'd say it was a combined of before prison and then right after prison. They definitely were definitely feeling like they finally got me back. Yeah, that's good, man. Well, I appreciate it, man. Thanks so much for sitting down and talking and sharing your journey, man. I it's funny. went into this whole thing and we were going to talk about parents, but you started to share like your wife's commitment through all that and I'm just like whoa, I can't can't avoid it. That's pretty awesome, man. And congratulations. Thank you. Seven years is a big deal, right? And I think that's one of the things we never stop celebrating like all these years later. Yeah. It's it's it's been years since I used Glass, right? But that day comes around, a Facebook memory pops up from where I posted it before and I'm "Thank you, Lord." just every year is just it's it really is a beautiful thing. It really is. Yeah. And thank you guys for watching and tuning in to another episode of the podcast. man, if you enjoyed this episode, please like it, subscribe to the channel, drop a comment below. Let us know maybe your thoughts. If you've got somebody, a loved one that you're praying for, I'd love to have you drop that in the comments. soon. We'll join you in prayer. And I appreciate you guys tuning in to another episode of Rebuilding Life After Addiction. God bless. Hey, it's Justin Franic here. I just want to take a moment and encourage you. If you're not already subscribed to the channel, please click the subscribe button below, like the video, and leave a comment. Your engagement with these videos helps ensure these conversations get to people who need