Helping a Loved One Through Addiction? Watch This First

Rob how are you today man hey man dude I'm pretty well dude it's my day off so Wednesday's like my sabbatical that's my Saturday I try to make sure that I just plug in and get fed personally hang out with the kids so on and so forth so it's been a good day so far it's sunny out here and good old San Diego man how about you nice man it's rainy in Virginia it's actually a blessing and we haven't had any rain haven't had much rain at all so my Gardens are loving it I've been watering my grass I'm the only idiot in the neighborhood watering my grass but not today but like I need it green like right yeah so I don't get right here dude it sucks no but it's always sunny it's 60 degrees Yeah but you need rain yeah everybody needs rain for sure the Harvest grows dude yeah I need a little bit of rain so we we're trying to chat figure out what we're gonna chat about today and I think we decided that we were gonna dive into the topic of addiction and maybe share a little bit on some of the struggles of people when they're in active addiction how they make the decision to ultimately quit right and acknowledge that they have a problem and some of the struggles with that and I figured man we just jump in and just see where the conversation goes in regards to we both have the experience we have the lived experience we've worked with people in that struggle before and so let's just talk about that from the beginning like acknowledging that you have an issue when you're dealing with active addiction what do you think the catalyst is for most people and being able to get to that point where they move from denial to actually acknowledging hey this is a problem that I need to resolve in my life yeah dude that's a weighted question so many different ways because for me when I had to come to the realization of is I just kept on messing up and everything that I put my hand to it will just crumble and fall apart and so I remember getting out of jail and almost being served a five-year sentence because of what I did at my previous job and working at a convenience store and I just took all the money out of a safe and just left this gas station unattended at 12 o'clock at night so I can go get high and eventually got caught and so the judge pardoned me and allowed me to like just have another opportunity and I tried to go back to this girl that I was with at this time and she was still in her mess and I said to myself I try to like believe a lie that I can go get a job and build myself back up to living a normal life again but the truth of the matter was and I was going to go back and do the same thing I was doing before find myself stability have drugs have money and then go right back into my addiction and so for me man it took me really crying out to my mother and my stepfather and I'm grateful for them today because they were the ones that gave me the hard truth they said hey look we love you but we're not going to tolerate the decisions and choices that you've made and so in order for you to be back with us in right relation you must first make the decision and choice to get help and we have a vehicle to get you there which is Teen Challenge and it was really just that moment where I said what I'm not really all in with this decision and getting change but I'm open with the idea of what this vehicle or where this vehicle could take me so it really just took me humbling myself and letting go of the reality that I don't have it under control yeah so I think that was the hard transition for me is because being on my own for so many years of my life and doing everything I provide provision so on and so forth it took me a while to really like grasp the idea that hey look you were never meant to do this on your own and I think a lot of addicts think that they need to do this life or suffer in their addiction or whatever their troubled with on their own and the reality is that you're not alone right like there are other people that are going through the same thing but you need to put yourself in positions that is going to align me with people or put people rather in your circle that are going to give you those hard truths that you might not necessarily want to receive at first but it's necessary for that transition yeah and it takes man I think there's a lot of conversation a lot in the addiction circles around rock bottom and having that Rock Bottom experience and I don't know I live in the middle on how I feel about the rock bottoms like I understand coming to the end of the road Rock Bottom in 2023 though ultimately with fentanyl being out there ends up at death right from a lot of people and that's a sad reality like it's terrifying to say well I'm just going to let somebody go to Rock Bottom I think about my journey on that like I remember I overdosed on meth one time was in the hospital and like man I was so outside of my mind with what I was dealing with like I had used too much and I like the nurses were dealing with me and I'm like mad at them because they wouldn't let me go outside and have a cigarette and even that experience wasn't what did it for me what my parents did and we didn't understand what it was at the time but they did that intervention and then through the intervention it brought the bottom up it created a crisis in my life to make me realize that something was off something was not working and it had to be pretty significant because as a math user there are no emotions there's no feeling everything's numb and I just it wasn't normal conversation it wasn't getting through to me honestly man the thing that hit me harder than anything else there were two things a grandma throwing me out right because grandma was always the safe place and like man I knew I'd really screwed up if Grandma wouldn't let me come home right and the second thing was when they threw me out none of my friends picked up the phone nobody wanted the homeless Justin right even though I had Drugs in My Pocket at the time nobody wanted the homeless dressed and was willing to give me a place to stay I eventually found somewhere but that first on that first experience of opening their refrigerator and the dude looking at me sideways like what are you doing eating my food I never experienced homelessness and hunger like obviously you can tell like right but like that was like an eye-opening experience for me and so I yeah I think that there needs to be some shaking I but you're right man sometimes that shame of like I'm dealing with all this all alone nobody's gonna know what I'm dealing with nobody's gonna understand what I'm struggling with and I am alone in this battle it keeps us bound and keeps us from acknowledging our issues what the that the reason why I say this is I was just reading an article and I'm not going to mention anybody's name but for just it's public information but still for the simple fact of not going off on a tangent but it was a story about someone that received abuse right chopped molestation and so forth and reading the article this had been going on since this kid was 14. now this guy's now in his 20s 21 years old but the fear of releasing truth he allowed a lie to keep him paralyzed for so long even though he had the answer to be released or the solution to his problem just to share what was been going on in his life to somebody else him being threatened by somebody saying if you say something I will kill you cost him to hide behind the solution to his problem now mind you 14 years old I probably would have done the exact same thing but many of us go through addiction with the LIE and the shame and the guilt of not being able to articulate or even communicate what it is that we're internalizing and so rather than us sharing where we're hurt and where the pain is truly stemming from the rooted cause because I have a firm belief Justin and some people may disagree with me on this but I don't think people are really addicted to drugs I think what happens is that people have a rooted issue that they've never been able to address and therefore they hide behind the drugs and allow that thing that they've unwilling to address be suppressed and be pushed down so far that by the time they go to dig it up all that weight that pain that they have to relive through causes more harm than actually going through the process of getting the healing that you need yeah and so for me I have an abusion I have to face it right right and so like I'm 10 years going on 11 years sober next year and I'm just now realizing that there's still stuff that I'm having to address in my personal life yeah and I'm I might not necessarily be addicted to drugs anymore but I've pivoted and I found another source of addiction yeah in one of his songs he says I don't do drugs I'm addicted to the pain though and I think that speaks to the reality of it's like man A lot of times we're like well why don't you just stop using and it's like that's the wrong question to ask somebody like it's like what are you hiding from what are you afraid to face that you're gonna have to deal with if you do stop using and I think sometimes we a lot of times we're like man just quit why don't you just quit it's that easy just stop get a little willpower and it's like man trauma informs a lot of addiction and understanding that if an individual does stop using they've got to face some of that trauma head on and on I think that was one of the things after finally quitting and trying to re reprogram my brain and figure out who I was apart from that lifestyle that was painful work it was hard work to really uncover and address the reason that I ever started using in the first place and Jesus does set us free and make us a new creation but that process that when you put the pot on the potter's wheel and they're pounding the Clay and they're working it into shape like that's what it felt like becoming the New Creation in Christ my heart was transformed but this person had to become new and and a lot of times I think more people are addicts know they need to quit but they're more afraid of facing the work that it's going to take to become reshaped into the new person the scripture that comes to my life as we're even speaking was a brother offended it's harder to win than a strong City and so I think about how the person that becomes offended how they have to build this wall they have to build this city if you will and the time and the labor spent on laying Brick by Brick has caused them to say what I'm unwilling to remove These Bricks now because of the fear of unknown whether or not I'll be offended again so therefore I might as well stay behind the walls that I built and remove myself from society and become isolated in my depression my anxiety my fear my addiction whatever it may be when the reality is it's like hey look that which you took offense to is understandable but allow somebody to walk you through that process to begin to remove These Bricks so that you can be established and firm in your identity because I think that's where it stems from it's all about identity yeah right I took offense to my mother my father got being there now I don't even know what they were going through presently at that time in their lives yeah and so I made it about me when the reality is it was all used for God's greater purpose and willing for my life yeah but I couldn't see that in hindsight all I saw was me and so sometimes man it takes you removing yourself from the center of attention if you will and having a bird's eye view right an eagle view of the circumstance and situation at that play but at the same time in it requires you having people in your life so if I'm an addict now and if there's an addict that's listening and you don't want people in your life to speak this truth and you're not hearing it from your parents or your brothers siblings friends whoever it may be then how do you come to this realization moment how do when the for some people it might not be like us so then for the people that are listening if they want a solution to their problem like how would we navigate them through that like what like because not everybody has to come into Jesus moment yeah people might not have the functioning homes or people might not have the family and the resources in their vicinity so what do they do yeah who do they reach out to that's a it's a good question I think the the challenging part of that is like does the individual really want help even if they know they don't feel like they can get help or they can make a change and realizing that despite the resources like that acknowledgment that there is an issue there and the 12 steppers talk about that all the time and we didn't going through a Christian recovery program we didn't do a lot of focus on the 12-step or 12 steps but they got some things right like those steps talking about denial and acknowledgment and personal inventory and all that stuff that's in those steps there's some powerful principles in there and even though we didn't come up in that type of program I think that acknowledging acknowledgment but I think more uncovering why don't you want to change right what is the reason you're you're afraid of change or you don't feel like you need to change is it just being terrified of the change is it a fear of the physical detox what I'm saying is it a fear of being vulnerable you can go through the list and once we figure out the why do I feel like it's okay to stay here then that's where the conversation can maybe go a little further if that makes any sense no yeah man that's that's actually really good I remember there was a guy by the name of Steven when we were in Team Championship something that ranged true for me was he's like people don't have a fear of failure but they have a fear of success yeah and so I know that's not for everybody because some people might have been in their addiction and had great succession and felt Rock Bottom I had the the taste of Both Worlds I had money in my pocket when I was in my addiction I lost everything when I was in my addiction so like I had Best of Both Worlds but still at the same time I'm pivoting out of my addiction it was hard for me to really even see a normal lifestyle yeah I didn't know what that looked like yeah for sure because I came out of my addiction I got married immediately the first year of my marriage was nothing but fighting with my wife and myself then I had my firstborn so I went through a year-long program still with unbelt issues right so reality was I only had eight months of real surrender yeah but even in that eight months of surrender I was working and doing all these different activities that kept my mind off of the rooted issue that brought me there in the first place yeah and so then I stepped back into the busyness of life never really being able to identify what it was that kept me bound from living free even though I was and so often at times people can say what I'm no longer addicted to drugs but still be bound and no longer living in Freedom and so it's not so much about cleaning up the outside but it's like what is happening on the inside that you're ignoring that the naked I cannot see yeah how do we get to the heart of man and I think the only way and I'm sorry I didn't mean to cut you off there right the only way to get to the heart of man when it comes to addiction is to get to the heart of God yeah because compassion is what moves people when Jesus saw the people that had no sheep or no shepherd He said I look at them as sheep without a Shepherd the Harvest is plentiful but the laborers are for you and so we walked by Broken People each and every single day you probably walk by a homeless person this week you probably saw somebody in need this week but you identified them as this psychopath homeless individual crazy out of their mind I'm not giving them money but didn't move with compassion to bring about a transformation in their life because I can recall the moments in my life when I was broken and in Despair and someone reached out to me out of the kindness of their heart and I found for me and it caused me to Pivot and make them temporary change right but I needed more of that in my life yeah what yeah when we get more offended about the person's lifestyle and when our offense about how that person is living their life outweighs our compassion then we lose our ability to minister to them authentically right am I more bothered by the behavior or am I more bothered by the condition of the heart and the behavior will trip us up every time especially if we're not focused on the Lord and knowing that it's not us that can change a person is the Lord that can change a person and so they may be messy they may be doing things or making lifestyle choices that I disagree with but I heard this I think I said this last week on our show but I listened to a podcast where a guy said I don't have to sacrifice my conviction this close somebody in compassion and I think that Rings true when it comes to ministering to people in our lives we're trying to level people in our lives that are bound up in addiction I lived it and I don't understand it all the way like I still don't get it all the way and when we're trying to help family members or friends that are battling with that there is a fine line between compassion and enabling like I get that and that's a whole nother discussion but just showing people love and showing them compassion in and of itself can open up the door for us to ultimately win that heart and that's a it's a huge thing man yeah I actually Googled while we were talking on seven reasons I found a website that says top seven reasons that addicts refuse treatment and I thought this was interesting now there's tons of information on the internet but it said they're in denial they're scared of detox they don't want to change they fear they will fail they don't want to be vulnerable that's that's a good one they want to keep using or they're embarrassed and I thought that was pretty interesting yeah shoot let's be honest everybody wants to keep using right it felt good to be numb yeah like but I get that though man it's at the end of the day everybody's designed differently when it comes to how they receive their breakthrough the problem is when we begin we try to replicate somebody else's breakthrough to an individual that's not going to work with yeah as if that's the way you understand what I'm saying yeah for sure and so I parent each one of my kids differently yeah they're all mine they're seed of my seed and my wife right so they be but I can't address my oldest the way I address my middle child vice versa and so the way that you look at people is understanding where they're at right like you said man I think it gets to knowing the person right because I think half the time man we just we have this preconceived notion of who the is right and so you have the person that maybe never does drugs and said hey look like you said earlier why don't you just stop why don't you just quit when I can do the exact same thing to that person and say well why do you why are you always on social media why don't you just stop doing it why don't you just stop doing this or why don't you and so but then they look inside they're like saying that but then they begin to justify their actions because they're offended but the way that you deliver something to bring forth change in an individual's life is through a relationship that's established hey Kenzie how are you and Lisa chimed into I was saying hi to the folks in the comments I'm trying to get better at that y'all I'm not ignoring y'all I'm just we're learning the whole live thing no your spot on man I think people react to change differently and it messed with me early on at TC where I had a guy come in the program he on he was there for like three days had a great experience with the Lord at the chapel service and he ended up leaving saying he got what he needed now I'd heard that a bunch of times before and most of the time that's just okay I'm ready to go now I want to go back out and do my thing yeah and homeboy ended up leaving and I was like man what happened he had this incredible experience with the Lord at this Chapel service and now he's gone already like I don't get it until seven months later he called me and through a series of events he ended up at a train station where he met a missionary who ended up like taking him in and discipling him and he was on his way to serve on the mission field in a different country and it was just like the set of circumstances that God put together to get this guy discipled and gets him to the place where he was free was something that I would have never planned and nobody would write a program structure that way right you've got to have boundaries and you've got to have a program but for me it was like God had a way that he wanted to get to that individual and I it really racked me afterwards hearing that story because it's like we got to what is it one once one plants one Waters but God gives the increase right we got to water a little bit of a seed that had been planted in him and then the missionary got to do a little bit more and now as far as I know he's still on the mission field doing that work but we were a small part of that Journey and so it's but that's what I'm saying though what if we were so entombed right and obviously this is pertaining to Believers right so unbelievers probably wouldn't really understand this but what if we were so in tune with our relationship with the father and listening to the holy spirit that we knew that was what needed to be happy like I think that's the thing is that we want our hands in the mix of everything and we want things to be done a certain way and it's like man like taking a step back and realizing how God moves he doesn't move in an ordinary way like it's it's absurd actually because the thing is that if people saw Jesus spit in the mud today and then white mud on somebody's face right like we would be like that's hair that's heretical like that's that's heresy like what is this person doing but he did it in the scriptures so then when you see her people do crazy stuff nowadays it's like don't get me wrong test all the spirits but like why are we alarmed at what people are doing if it's resulting in someone having a connection with the Lord yeah for sure because we have this like we just have our mind set because of the way that we've been influenced by the world we have our mind set on a way that things should be done yeah I don't see my situation or your circumstance or even anybody listening right now that might be struggling with addiction I don't see any mistake as to where you are currently in your life it all has a purpose but you have to remove yourself from the equation and fill God in that place and allow him to work out your story because it's a testimony of the glory of God and his goodness upon your life and it's his goodness that leads those into repentance and so as we usher in God's goodness into everyone's life that we in contact come in contact with that is what's going to cost someone to change yeah that's where transformation takes place right and so for me when Paul mentioned that in the Book of Romans I'm like wow how does somebody change oh it's a goodness of God yeah how does somebody know the goodness of God if it's not being like it's like bro testify man share this is why we're doing this channel is because we want people to know that we were once there we're still going through the process and we're on this journey together and collectively we come together we can bring about a change in our culture and God's kingdom can come here on Earth as it is in heaven yeah even the people with the most positive Stories the reality of the Gospel is that the Lord uses Broken Vessels right like no matter how difficult your pass is how spotless your past is or spotless quote unquote the Lord uses Broken Vessels we all have sin it just happens to be labeled differently for each of us right and I think that's the encouragement for the person that may find themselves bound and feel like they're embarrassed or afraid to ask for help because they've blown it too bad it's like man God has taken just a lump of clay a broken vessel if you will and put his light in it and that's what makes the difference is the light of Jesus inside of us not anything we've done and so and I know it's easy to say that on a podcast I've experienced it's hard to get to that realization but it's a lot easier when you have when you're willing to let people be compassionate and that would be the challenge I think for those that are struggling is like man you got to stop pushing people away like and I know it's easy to get on the other side people on the other side of it and say well stop judging them but really for the addict having lived that it's like it stop pushing people away that just want to love they're trying to figure out how to love you they don't know how to love you through all of this mess and all of this pain and sometimes I think we make it harder on them because they're having a tiptoe around all of our stuff rather than just letting people just love us in the middle of our mess so that's a really good point that you brought up man and it's like pivot a little bit but like what was that for you when you saw that like how were you receptive to the person that like began to pour into you like what allowed you to open that door yeah well I I posted my testimony video one of my testimony videos a few days ago and it was on it was the day I showed up at Team it was the day I showed up at Teen Challenge on the staff member there he I had been in my grandma's yard after that intervention and nobody would pick up the phone and I had contemplated ended my life like I had a bunch of meth in my pocket and I was going to put it all in the needle and I had an encounter with the Lord in the yard that night and people get uncomfortable even when you say that but I call it out to the Lord and I felt his presence and I wept and after being on meth for five years I'd never wept before there was an encounter with Jesus that took place now that didn't fix it all for me I still ended up going to TC but I am 105 pounds I've got track marks on my arm I show up at the Teen Challenge Center and talk about being clothed with compassion the staff member there he looked at me and I shared this is one of the consistents in my story he looked at me and he said God has a plan for your life and in a moment his properly timed words of encouragement cut through all the failure cut through all the garbage and I believed it it was just the timing of it all and that's what broke through for me it was somebody just not seeing who I was but seeing the potential of the lord inside of me wow and that's so good that blew my mind man that's and I it's funny even today I remember those words and every time I start a new effort or I try to pursue something new even though it was just God has a plan for you seven words right it was just seven words but those seven words have literally shifted the trajectory of my entire life and that goes back to speak to regardless of addiction or not never discount the impact of a word and due season for a friend period a friend a non-friend anybody the simple encouragement and what it can do to transform the destiny and the future of somebody's life is mind-blowing so wow that's so good man that's really good yeah it's because I think to myself there's probably people that are listening that might have never struggled with addiction but may have lost a loved one that never really got to make that or take the opportunity to transform and didn't receive and so like my heart goes out for them because it's like man how are they processing hearing all this great testimony and like if I'm in their shoes I'm like well that's good for you like I'm glad that you came out on the other side of the line but like but I didn't I lost my phone I lost my nephew my niece or whatever it may be so like yeah it's painful man how can God use something like that still even though there was death that was involved yeah and so like that for me like I've witnessed that too many times in Teen Challenge and I still get reached out to this day of families and friends where it's like hey Rob I hate to share this with you but this person passed away or that person relapsed and I'm just like man do you like what happened like and why did it have to happen this way but I'm reassured in knowing that there still can be a great impact from that but it's not it's it's not easy to overcome and so that's where I think that's where like communities man and just really being receptive to even other people's words because then what happens is that the person that might never have done drugs becomes depressed or anxiety filled or whatever it may be and isolate themselves just like the addict did and now they're the they're in the same position that the attic was where they're not willing to receive any help yeah yeah and so it's like now the tables have turned and so it's like you we have to be very Mindful and careful as people who are fragile we're all going through something but we must be aware of who God has placed in our lives to help Deliver Us from that pit it's like Ecclesiastes right Ecclesiastes says I forgot but the scripture off the top of my head but better two is better than one right because if one falls in the pit there's one to pull them out three strands quarters not easily broken and so like we need people in our Circle in our lives that will help us in the time of need yeah there aren't a whole lot of words to say to a grieving parent and especially one that has done all the things that we talk about they should do to try to get their loved one help and I think that's that's those moments where like empathy has to take a place in our hearts where we just we're not trying to fix it because there's no fixing it's just we're comfortable sitting with people and their grief because there are no words that I can spit out especially when they've tried all the programs they've tried the different counseling techniques or they've tried the different strategies that we may spit out and yet none of it works and there's not a lot of words for that and I think I've seen some moms or dads that have on ended up taking that grief and turn it in into something and becoming advocates for parents that are caught in addiction but I realize that's not an easy journey to get there because every time they talk about it they relive it every time they try to encourage another parent they relive it they relive their own experience and their own trauma and it really takes a work of the Holy Spirit to do a healing in them to be able to get to the point where they can use that pain to minister to other people and so I I wish I had all the right words for those type of statements but man I think as I get older when I was younger in Ministry I used to give all the answers well just do this just do that well that'll make and as I'm getting older I'm learning the power of I don't know let's go to God together yeah I don't know how to help you resolve this grief we lost a good friend a few years ago and I I still go through moments of grief and I can't explain it when it hits what I'm saying and I can't imagine what that must feel like for somebody that's lost a job especially to something as terrible as addiction and seeing the person change and all of that stuff man and so I know one thing that I've learned as I've gotten older is I still preach the power of the Cross and the power of Jesus as a solution but I'm I'm a little more on quick to listen and sit and hear people's pain before I just try to preach to them no man I was just gonna say it's in the quiet mood it's it's I think that's the biggest thing too is when you think about people that are in addiction or even in grief man it's like just a simple Island yeah it's not it's it's just being present being available I think is the better word to use this are we available for others as others have been available to us yeah absolutely man it's good stuff and for those who may I don't think anybody's on right now but for those who may come along in this stream or watch this or catch up with this later I think Rob and I had decided that we're going to go down this path of addiction and talk about this for the next several weeks on and so if you happen to be coming along and you have questions you have on any specific topics surrounding addiction please don't hesitate to drop those in the comments on and so we can address some of those things I'd like to be able to do one of these shows man where we can just do some q a with people because sometimes the conversations you and I are both very all over the place at times and so we just try to follow the Holy Spirit and also my squirrel brain so I think it would be good to do some q a and I think we're also looking at getting some TC grads or folks that have been through this on here over the next couple weeks too and helping and interviewing them having them share a little bit more of their story so I'm stoked about that dude yeah that's good awesome man yeah sweet well I think that's I think we'll wrap up there man on yeah so thank you guys for joining and watching I appreciate it on if you're just jumping on I saw the number one we're finished in this podcast up now but we will be back next week to dive a little bit more we're gonna focus on addiction for the next several weeks so if you have any pressing or burning questions please drop those in the comments and let us know and we will address those in the following shows God bless you guys have a great week