How Grief Turned Into Addiction After Losing His Daughter

How Grief Turned Into Addiction

Rebuilding Life After Addiction Podcast with Justin Franich Guest: Jeremy Shiflett

This transcript has been lightly edited for readability. Filler words, false starts, and repetitive phrases have been removed. Content and meaning are preserved.

Cold Open

Jeremy: The only way I can say it is when I came across that mountain back into Rockingham County, I left God on that side.

Look, take it from me. I lost everything. I lost my family. I lost my house, I lost my business. I was going over an eight ball myself daily. By the grace of God, I don't know how I'm not dead.

Meeting Jeremy

Jeremy: My name's Jeremy Shiflett. I grew up in Page County. I've actually lived in Shenandoah County, New Market area for almost four years now. The reason why I moved from Page County is trying to change my life, changing my people, places, and things. This is kind of where God led me, over on the other side of the mountain.

I had lost my house in the Stanley area. Just meth took everything from me. Took everything I loved from me. Tried to take my son, my family. So yeah, God got me landed in New Market.

Justin: Let's talk about that. Let's go back a little bit. How old are you today?

Jeremy: I am 41.

Justin: When were drugs introduced?

Jeremy: They were actually introduced to me when I was 16. Older brothers were using, smoking weed at the time. As a high school kid, you would try smoking weed, and we tried it.

Losing Brooke

Jeremy: My main addiction came when I was 22. Me and my wife had our first child, Brooke. She was 10 months, nine days old, and we lost her. She had an abnormal function to her brain.

So man, I went crazy. I lost it. I cussed God. I questioned God. Didn't understand. At 22 years old, I'm still a kid. We lost her August 16th, 2007. She was 10 months, nine days old. So I went into, that's when I really started using. More of weed and pills at the time.

The doctors had put me on antidepressants, and that kind of led to using them and abusing them. Running out before the prescriptions could be filled again. That went on for 10 years.

It warped my mind. I became numb.

Numb on Klonopin

Jeremy: This medication was called clonazepam. They call it Klonopin. Very, very powerful drug.

Justin: So in retrospect though, it sounds like the numbness is what you were pursuing, right?

Jeremy: I was trying to find that escape. And that's what that medication did. It took you to an escape, another level of highness. And then the more you take, the more abuse I just kept putting myself in. When I'd run out, I would try to find them on the street. That went on for a while.

Justin: How was your relationship with your family through all of this? We know addiction has an impact on our relationships. How was your wife dealing with all of this as you guys are walking through this extremely difficult season, at 22 trying to figure all this out?

Jeremy: Immediately, it brung us closer together. It's kind of weird, I guess you could say. It's either gonna take you one direction or the other. When you lose a child, I think it could pull you away. I've ministered to people that have lost kids, and it would take them, especially when you're trying to cope with the loss and trying to fight the demons of the world itself too. But it's either gonna take you closer or pull you further away from each other.

By the grace of God, we became closer. I hid my addiction for a long time, even though I'm sure everyone knew. I was trying to keep level-headed. It was a really rut of my life.

After losing Brooke, it rips my heart out even till today, but I'm in a place I can talk about it. We have tried to minister to other people. But sometimes that can be a ministry to us. Some people are really positive about it. It destroyed me and my wife. I was in a rut so deep, and I just constantly was angry at God. Questioned God, cussed God. Why did this happen?

I know now, and the Bible says life and death are perfect timing. So I know I can see her again one day. That's the main thing. Just pursuing a holy life.

Justin: So you mentioned the Klonopin. That's a prescription. You end up going to get some help for this depression, trying to process the grief. Tell me that story. How did that turn into abuse versus just what the doctors prescribed you?

Jeremy: I started off at 90 a month. That's three a day. After a few months it would go to four a day, five a day eventually.

Justin: Were they upping the script or were you taking more?

Jeremy: No, I was just upping my script. I'd run out of my script within a week, just abusing them. Then I would go find the same street drug.

Even experimented with another pill called a soma. That's a muscle relaxer, but it just made you feel drunk. Made you feel good. Very, very powerful drugs that probably still on the street and probably don't get talked about enough. Those two pills had a very powerful possession over my life in the early 2010s.

Justin: Tell me a little about that. What were you doing for work during all that stuff?

Jeremy: At that time I was actually working through the city. I've always painted. I was doing my painting on the side. I actually had another job in landscaping. We'd grade yards and sod and stuff like that. It was still a functional thing. It was just that every evening, just passing out. Every night.

But I was very emotional at that time of my life. I would break down a lot. What I mean by that is I would live in my mind. Like, what could I have done differently? It's one of those things that once it gets you, only God can pull you out of it, unless you make those big steps to get on the right program. I never had none of those programs. So that went on for years.

Justin: About 20 years? You're close?

Jeremy: Altogether, addiction of 20 years. The pills ended around 2017. It was about a 10 year period of that. That's when I got onto meth.

False Finish Lines

Justin: Were there any moments throughout those 10 years that you kind of had what you felt were coming-to-Jesus moments? Your kind of false finish lines. Tell me about some of those.

Jeremy: So right now we're about 2017. God's got me off these pills, because I actually throw them away. That's when I start using meth. But very controllable. What you call a Friday night, Saturday night type person.

But God worked. I went to the Emmaus walk in 2014. Keep in mind that I had got a DUI. I got in some trouble in 2012. Did some jail time. Altogether I did 27 months. Some jail time, prison time. That's for DUIs and small possession charges.

2021 I actually got a possession of meth charge. That's what really changed my life. I did 14 months. They sent me five hours from home, to North Carolina, to prison. 1 And that's when God really got a hold of me.

In 2021, being locked down for 19 hours a day, five hours out to take a shower and whatnot. That's when I found God and rededicated my life back to God. Because even though I felt like I was saved when I was getting high, I was far from His heart. I wasn't chasing, I wasn't after His heart like I know I could have been.

Just reading the Bible, it came to life to me in 2021. And God just started putting love into my heart. I still fight it. I still fight it. But that's when the corner turned.

181 Days in the NICU

Jeremy: But I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Because before that, in 2020, my wife got pregnant with our third child. And he was born premature at 28 weeks.

Justin: What year?

Jeremy: 2020. He was born April 16th, 2020. COVID had just hit, so we were about a couple weeks into COVID. Lived my life in the parking garage when I wasn't in the hospital. One parent was allowed at a time.

We spent 181 days in UVA NICU. Seen God work four miracles. They told us that he wasn't gonna live. He was born two pounds, two ounces. Premature lungs. They told us he was gonna need a tracheotomy. We just kept praying.

The eighth floor of the NICU at UVA. Man, it was so powerful. That's really when, the first time, I really say I felt the power of the Holy Spirit. The presence. Started being Spirit-filled, Spirit-led. Just reached out to Facebook Live, and it stretched. We had prayer chains reaching everywhere. He just kept overcoming. God just kept working. Miracle after miracle.

Jackson got out of the hospital, released. He come home on oxygen October 14th of 2020.

Leaving God on the Mountain

Jeremy: The only way I can say it is when I came across that mountain back into Rockingham County, I left God on that side. Because immediately when I got back home, we had people coming up, "Man, we been praying for your kid." But at the same time, "Here, take this, it'll help you."

So really wasn't a big meth user up until then. But early 2021 was really when I got really hard on meth. I'm talking about a six-month period, probably a six to eight month period of really using meth to the full extent. Every day, every night. And everything started going. My wife gave me an ultimatum. Don't quit drugs, she's leaving, taking the kids and leaving.

I'm in the pits of hell, man. At this time, I'm down. I'm still working, but I know in the back of my mind, all my money's going to this drug.

Justin: What do you think shifted coming over that mountain? Going from the season where you're praying, you're watching God do miracles. I've been in that NICU. It'll do something to you being there. Just watching that whole process. And then watching God do all of this, to then come back over the mountain and kind of like you said, leave it all on the other side. What do you think transpired?

Jeremy: You know, looking back at it, John 10:10 says the devil comes to kill, steal, and destroy. I let a crack in somewhere, and the devil got in there.

Justin: Have you ever figured out what the crack was, looking back all these years later?

Jeremy: Not being rooted. I feel like not being rooted.

Justin: Explain that a little bit more. What do you mean by that?

Jeremy: Being Spirit-led. Spirit-filled. Living in His presence daily. We have to take up our cross daily, because of the world itself. All the stuff that can attack us, we have to come out and separate ourselves from the world. And I wasn't doing that. Even though I was a Christian and I felt like I was living right, I wasn't Spirit-filled and Spirit-led, letting God lead my life instead of trying to make decisions for me.

I try now to pray about everything. Try to be holy. First Peter says "Be holy, for I am holy." 2 Just letting God, just surrender. I was still holding on to stuff. I felt like I wasn't completely surrendered, even after seeing those four miracles with my son. And the doctor telling us he wasn't gonna make it and just kept overcoming all those obstacles. He never needed the tracheotomy. He did come home on oxygen. Until this day, he still has a G-tube. 3 Our prayer right now for him is that he would start eating more solid foods. But his lungs have really improved. When he gets sick he'll need oxygen, but he hasn't needed oxygen since he's been about 18 months old.

Justin: We spent roughly close to 120 days going over there. We adopted a baby out of the foster care system. And she was born two pounds, two ounces, premature.

Jeremy: That's exactly what Jackson was.

Justin: That's why I kind of paused when you said that. It brings back a lot of memories. That place, there's so many miracles. You see the presence of God, but there's also a heaviness that comes with it. I've done some research on what they call secondary trauma, and dealing with some of that. You don't realize how you're being impacted while you're in those heavy moments.

Jeremy: The trauma took, the trauma really took being a lot of isolation by yourself. What I mean by that is one parent was allowed in the NICU. We pretty much gave our life up. Even though we had another son, we would bring him with us a lot. They set us up with the Ronald McDonald stuff, but it was shut down, so they put us in a motel. Couldn't stand to be at that motel by myself. We gave our life up. I was only in Page County at the time. We pretty much moved over there, to be with him daily.

Justin: Just out of curiosity, how did that not ruin you guys financially? How did you get through that season?

Jeremy: It was all God. Looking back, I know it was all God. My job actually put me on unemployment at the time. But that was what, $300 a week? You can't really live off that. It was God, man. We had people that stepped in and gave a donation that would go to our rent that we wasn't even living at.

Justin: Paying rent for a house you're never at.

Jeremy: Our mortgage at the time was actually that house. It was all God, man. He worked it out. We trusted Him so much. We prayed, "You take care of our finances." And He just took care of us. Completely, totally surrendered to Him as far as that regard. He worked it out. That's all I can say. It was God.

The Arrest

Justin: So let's fast forward now. You come back over the mountain, walking through this battle with meth. It gets worse than it ever has before. The Bible does talk about that, right? It talks about when you evict the demons out of the house, and it's clean, swept, in order. If you open the door for them to come back in, it's seven times worse. I think a lot of people don't talk about that part. Especially in addiction, every relapse gets worse. It takes you deeper down the hole.

Jeremy: Well, I got busted. I got pulled over. I never shot meth. I only snorted it or smoked it. They found a pipe. I got a possession of meth felony.

Justin: So this is when you went to jail?

Jeremy: Yes. I actually left the scene of an accident as well. That's mainly what I did most of my time for, was a felony hit and run. Because it was my first offense on the meth, and today's law, you don't get jail time on your first offense.

That was my main wake-up call. Here I woke up, wife gone with my two kids. I'm losing my house. I got my own business that is dwindling. I got two guys working for me. My own paint company, New Look Painting, that I'm losing it all. I know I'm gonna have to face some jail time. Lost everything. I burnt every bridge, I guess you could say. Literally in the pit of hell. Only thing I think about was getting high. Everything that I loved, my kids, my wife, I neglected them. My business, God.

Real Conversion vs. Jailhouse Conversion

Justin: So let's talk about coming out of jail. I've heard a lot of jailhouse testimonies. Everybody's on fire when they're in prison. Crying out for mercy, asking the Lord, "Help change my situation." How was your conversion in jail? Not just the jailhouse conversion. What was different and what changed when you got out?

Jeremy: Great question, man. I think if you have a burning so deep and a passion for taking every step to change your life over by the time you're locked up, then once you get out, you're already Spirit-filled. Spirit-led. You know God's planted something in you and has a calling on your life so strong. That's when He's gonna protect you.

I praise God, I never had, He immediately took the cravings. I never went through DTs, and I did meth every day for six to eight months. 4 Never went through no DTs. Praise God. I went through my addiction recovery leadership program. It was a group of eight of us. When I tell them that, no one believes me. But God can take that away in an instant. Everyone might not go through getting sick. I praise God I never went through that.

But you're right. Great question. So when I get out, for the first few weeks, I don't go to church. I'm just trying to spend all the time with my kids. I've actually tried to get my business started back up, or find another job. Obviously it's a little more challenging when you got a hit and run felony on your record and a drug possession of a schedule one narcotic. It's a little more challenging to find a good job.

I just kept trusting God that He was going to put me in the right situation. Give me that job or whatever I needed, or kick my business back up.

It is a transition, because everyone leaves God behind in jail. I thank the Lord that His Spirit just kept working on me. I never, I'll never forget where I came from. What the pits of hell that I was in, that God pulled me out of. That's what keeps me going today.

This is Holy Week, and even last year during this whole week, it took that extra level of holiness. Everything in my life, I try to pray about it or try to have Christ at the center of it, because I'm nothing without Him. I would not be where I'm at in my addiction recovery right now, where I'm at in my walk with God, obviously.

"I'm Not in Recovery. I'm Recovered."

Jeremy: I tell people that I'm not in recovery anymore. I'm recovered.

Justin: Amen.

Jeremy: Even though I'm still one line away from relapse. One bad choice away from going back down or losing it all again. We just have to keep putting Christ first every day.

That was the catalyst of what I had to do. Put post-it notes of Scripture where I needed to see every day. Not only read the Bible, I had to write it. It takes a little more time sometimes for me to understand it, so I have to read it again, and just keep putting it in my mind. The Word of God, it's our sword, man. 5

So I just kept trusting God to keep me on that road. I know I'm fighting the enemy then as well. 6 Was giving my testimony at some places. Really wouldn't call it preaching at the time, but looking back on it, it was preaching. Because we're speaking the truth out of the Bible.

Justin: Nobody sets out to be a drug addict, right? None of us. Even those who are choosing it for the party life don't think they're gonna get hooked. What I hear in your story is a response to unimaginable grief.

Jeremy: That would be a great word to use. The trauma of going through some of the things I've went through with losing Brooke. Then what I went through with my second, my youngest son, Jackson, who is now gonna be six, and what we went through with the NICU with him.

I can't blame those things. I always say I can't say that's why I used drugs. But at the end of the day, the trauma that I came out of, no one understood what you go through losing a child, or being in that situation with him fighting for his life daily.

Then here I turn around and put poison into my life afterwards. And I just thank God today that I'm about 1,800 days sober from that life. I have a fire to help people. My heart is to help people in that sense of addiction recovery. Just to give them some hope. God can pull you out of any situation you're in. Take it from me. I lost everything. I lost my family. I lost my house. I lost my business. I was going over an eight ball myself daily.

Don't know how I'm still here, Justin. I don't. By the grace of God, I don't know how I'm not dead. With all the drugs I did, looking back on it, whatever it could have been cut with, not knowing what was in it. We just snorted it. I just thank God.

If He Could Talk to His Past Self

Justin: You're removed from this now, 1,800 days. Let me give you a hypothetical. Jeremy today is on the other side of that mountain, and runs into Jeremy coming back over from Charlottesville. You said you had left God on the other side of the mountain. You run into Jeremy, to Jeremy then as Jeremy today, at a gas station, and you have a conversation with him. What do you say to him coming over that mountain?

Jeremy: Great question, man. I think I would stop and give him a hug and just embrace him and let him know he's loved. Let him know he is not alone in this fight. Even though I had my wife with me, I feel like we were going through so much that I probably wasn't a support to her, and vice versa. We was both going through our own trauma. Even though she's sober, and I'm sober at the time too, but I'm wanting to get high. I'm wanting to escape.

I think I would just give him a hug and tell him it's okay. There's people praying. God's got your back. He's for you. He's with you. He's in you. Just tell him that he's loved, and I'm here to talk to him.

Justin: Is there anything that you maybe believed then about walking through hard seasons, whether it be grief or the difficulty of being in the hospital with the baby and all that stuff that you walked through, that you don't believe anymore, or vice versa?

Jeremy: In James it talks about counting it all joy for the trials and stuff we go through. 7 I'm not gonna say God puts us through certain things. I know He won't give us no more than we can handle. I don't say there's probably anything different. There's a lot I would've done differently. When I came back, I know when we was over there, everything that we encountered with God was real. I know I wasn't on fire for God like I am now, but everything we experienced was really real. The miracles we seen. Everything that we prayed for, God brung, He answered our prayers. Just saving Jackson's life.

Hebrews 11:1, "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Really stood on that verse. And also Hebrews 10:23 was one of my favorite verses in the Bible, about wavering in our faith, "for He who promised is faithful." Stood on those words daily.

When God gives us trials and temptations, or tests, I guess you could call them, that's when we have the opportunity to grow our faith. Because if we go through life smooth sailing, we might not be faced with challenges. We might not have our opportunity to grow our faith or have our faith tested.

Would I want to go through that again? No. Would I want that on anyone? No. But we know some people that have went through it.

How to Help NICU Families

Justin: How does that impact the way you encourage other young parents that are walking through some of these situations? There's no playbook for grief.

Jeremy: There's no playbook.

Justin: And you can't be prepared for it. Even my dad was older, and even when we can kind of rationalize his age and everything else, the grief still hits you. But you talk about young parents and expecting that unimaginable. How do you speak into their lives now?

Jeremy: Man, I just give them the hope of Jesus Christ. Like, look, just keep praying to God. We know a couple right now whose child's been in NICU for about 80 days, going through some similar things. His O2 level, he's on oxygen still. He's on a CPAP machine right now. He's come off the ventilator. Jackson was on the ventilator for 49, 50 days before he actually came off.

Man, just let them know that we're here. That you have someone here for you. There is people praying. You're actually physically there alone, but God is with you. Just stay positive.

Justin: What are some practical ways people can help a family that's got a kid in the NICU? What would've been helpful for you guys? I know prayer and whatnot. Just practically speaking. People have folks in their circle that have kids in the NICU, and they don't realize the strain that it puts on the family. How can people help parents that are in those situations to take some of the pressure off?

Jeremy: Well, I know for myself and my wife, my oldest son who's now 14, we call him JJ, he's Jeremy Junior. One way the pressure was taken off of us, with having other children, while you have one child in the NICU, is family members stepping up. My wife's grandmother, Linda, and her aunt Christy, really stepped up. We could rely that he was gonna be in good hands while we were on that side of the mountain. We broke him over a lot, but we didn't want him there constantly. We tried not to neglect what I mean by that is not showing too much care for Jackson. We did travel back and forth some. But we didn't want to leave. One of us wanted to stay with Jackson as much as we could.

Just family members being there and letting you know. Getting that phone call at nine o'clock on a Thursday morning, and you've been in Charlottesville for 75 days already, and just getting that call and having someone pray for you. Means a lot. That encouraging text message in the morning. "Hey, we're praying for you guys. Praying for Jackson. Today's gonna be a good day." Stuff like that goes tremendous. You wouldn't think a text message would mean so much to someone.

We had some pastors, people that we never met, step up. We had this one family that actually had a bake sale. You asked me the question earlier about finances. This one family had a bake sale and raised like $1,300, which was awesome. A quick story about that is at that time I had 40 bucks on my debit card. I had no way to travel back home and get back, and then worry about, they did provide one meal a day to your parent, and you had to buy your basically eating too. Which that was the least of my worries. I felt like God's gonna provide if you have to eat. That was a blessing when we received a gift of $1,300 from a family that had a bake sale, and the community stepped up. That was God-sent.

We had another family give a donation of like a hundred bucks at various times when the bank account was really low. I tried to do some work, but just the strain and stress at the time, I couldn't concentrate properly.

5:17 Ministries

Justin: That's incredible. So now, man, you were telling me earlier, you're helping folks with addiction. You've got a paint company locally. You go to Full Circle in Harrisonburg. Maybe as we wrap up, just tell me how people can connect with you, whether your business, your recovery, what you're doing to help people here locally.

Jeremy: Like you said, we go to Full Circle Church. Carl Sly's mentor to me. Right now I am in Addiction Recovery Leadership Program. I got my certification in it. Wouldn't say I'm a counselor, technically I have a certificate. Really proud of what God's pushed me into. I fought against those. I didn't wanna take those classes. I took that step of faith. I knew that's what God wanted me to do. Not knowing what the road it was gonna lead me on.

So I have my certification in Addiction Recovery. Right now we're helping some people in the Harrisonburg area. I meet with them on Wednesdays.

God has gave me a vision for that ministry of 5:17 Ministries, which is based off one of my favorite verses in the Bible. I tell every person that I'm ministering to about Jesus that it's just simple: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." 8 So that means whatever you've done in your life, God's forgot about it. You're a new creation. Once you accept Jesus into your heart, it's gone. He's forgot about it.

I just completed the first 10 weeks of my Empowered Leader leadership program through Greater Freedom Ministries with Carl Sly. 9 I'm part of that ministry team with a lot of the others we've discussed. It's a team of ministries that are networking, delegating together.

I'm in my second stint, and Lord's willing by the end of the year, I'll be an ordained minister. I know that's God's will. But we don't have to have those things to tell people about Jesus. We could still go out here on the street and tell people. We can reach places. People that have been in situations like me, and yourself, that a pastor might not can. Someone that has an addiction, out on the street. Man, we can just run into someone in a grocery store, and God can put on our heart, "We need to pray for this person. They're going through something. Today's the day they're supposed to get delivered." I've had that happen. Just pray for someone and let them know they're loved.

I love seeing lives transform. That's so awesome. All we have to do is plant the seed, let God do the work. That's our job. We can't change a heart. Only Jesus can.

So yeah, man, we're just trying to give people the good news about Jesus. God's got us on fire right now with what's happening. I never would've thought five years ago He would've had me where I'm at in my walk with Him. The things that myself and my church are experiencing that happened in the first church, in the Book of Acts. It's so powerful right now, man. It's incredible what God's doing.

Just having a heart for people over the last year. The love that I have for people, to help people, because I had that one person love me, to tell me, "There's a better life ahead. Better days are ahead."

So man, just letting people know the resources, what you have going on here. We have some other things happening with other homes. There's people that care. People that have been in the hole like I have, and that rut. That's all it takes, is Jesus to pull you right up. Life's changed.

Closing

Justin: You hear that, and it just makes me think that everybody's going through something. I hear your story. I hear the effort to try to get help originally. The pill addiction starting because you're trying to deal with the depression. Then you're trying to cope after a season of immense difficulty and pain. You said it earlier: "I know I'm one line away from relapse." A lot of people are in that same spot. One poor decision away from their life unraveling when you've gone through so much. So just hearing that you're connecting with people, trying to be available. It's encouraging to speak into some of those situations and keep people from slipping into that hole. It can happen faster than we realize.

Jeremy: It can happen just like that. But we have to put all of our trust in Jesus. I know by the grace of God, long as I keep walking that straight, narrow path, He's gonna keep me on that path. I'm not gonna veer off.

Justin: Thank you guys for jumping in and checking out another episode of the podcast, Rebuilding Life After Addiction. I want to encourage you to subscribe to the channel. If you hit the website, svtc.info, we have roughly 250 different resources. If you need encouragement, we've got Bible verse guides for addiction, depression, grief, and information for families. If there's anything we can do to help and resource you, all that information is available on the website. And Jeremy, it's a price they cannot beat. It's free. So it's all available. I just want to encourage you to check that out. God bless you guys. I'll drop Jeremy's information in the description as well. Have a great day.